What Cancer Taught Me About Resiliency

In the summer of 2019, I was shocked when I was diagnosed with a cancerous mass measuring grossly 11.2cm x 5.3cm x 10.1cm in my chest, spilling into my lungs, down my heart and up my esophagus...along with cancer in the lymph nodes in my lungs and cancer in my blood. I had primary mediastinal large b-cell non-hodgkin's lymphoma.

My chemo option was aggressive! Hospitalized chemo with a six day hospital stay every 21 days for four months (=720 hours of chemo). The hospital stays without my kids, the aches and pains of chemo, the overall lack of freedom and control of my life…the fear and the trauma were with me every single day, and still are to an extent.

It took me almost two years to be able to reflect on what this battle taught me. I want to share what I learned about the human spirit and resiliency.

(1) Face Each Day With Gratitude

I know it sounds ridiculous. To be grateful for cancer and 720 hours of chemo. But let me say this, I could have questioned "why me" a million times and received no answer, so instead I said "why not me" and took it all in.

I wrote in my journal every single day about how thankful I was. Thankful for the nurses, for Mayo Hospital, for my kids, my husband, the opportunity to rest, the little window in my room where I could see the sky, so much to be grateful for. Each time a friend or family member came to visit, I wrote their name down in my journal, so I could thank them once I was feeling better.

There is power in the human connection to gratitude. Some say it is healing and I credit that spirit for my ability to manage chemo side effects better than most in my circumstance. I don't recommend facing your own death, to realize how beautiful life is. Gratitude allowed me to get through the toughest time of my life and come out of it a better person than before.

Tip: Think about what you're grateful for, write it down, and reflect on it frequently. Watch your mood change and your light shine.

(2) Plan Beyond the Uncertainty

Time can stand still when you're going through chemo or anything painful or disruptive. The uncertainty of tomorrow is a real challenge. To get a sense of control back, I needed to look beyond the uncertainty and plan for something amazing!

My husband and I planned a big family trip to Disneyland (my favorite place) three months after I was to finish chemo. I made a calendar and started my countdown! Making a fun plan after chemo gave my something to look forward to and that hope carried me through many scary moments.

That does not mean to hide from the moment. Be present. Feel the emotions of your situation, as that's when we grow and learn. Resiliency is coming out of a tough time better than before. So don't ignore the present to get to the future. Take it in and focus on what it is teaching you.

Tip: Hope is a beautiful and powerful thing. During difficult times, make a future-focused plan that lights your spirit. That light will get you through the dark.

(3) People Matter

The miracle of cancer is that your loved ones show up and they show up in a big way. I never knew how much I was loved until I battled cancer.

Friends from every school I went to and colleagues from every company I ever worked at came to offer support. They sent texts, gifts, said prayers, and came to see me at the hospital. Some people I hadn't spoken to in years, yet they were there in my darkest hour.

Building connections my entire life, I did not see the pattern. When put in front of me, the pattern was clear. People matter. Be kind. Care. Be compassionate. Some of my closest friends were my co-workers, my mentors were former bosses, and some connections organically grew throughout the years from school or volunteer work.

Why this matters? Humans crave belonging. The same part of the brain that registers pain, registers exclusion. It is painful to go through difficult times alone, so don't!

Tip: Create meaningful connections, they are all around you. Take a moment to text or call at least one friend a week. Remind them that you care, and cultivate friendships, old and new. Find out what matters to people around you and show up when they need a hand.

I'm constantly asked what I've learned from my journey with cancer. What major epiphany about life do I have now after fighting for my own life? Well this is it...face each day with gratitude, plan beyond the uncertainty, and remember that people matter. Tragedy is a part of life and we all have the ability to be resilient and come out the other side a better person.