What can men with children who are managers do to address the problem of too few women leaders?

Sheryl Sandberg talks about the reason we have too few women leaders. This talk is aimed at women, talking about what they can do differently. But what about me? The middle-aged married white man with two kids? What can I do differently?

If you're a married man with kids, particularly if you're a manager, let me turn Sandberg's points around for you:

1. Make space for women at the table.

Give them a seat - not out of chivalry, but out of equality. And when they're at the table, include them in the discussion. Don't tell me you shouldn't need to do this - it isn't about what you should or shouldn't need to do, it is about what is required to fix the problem.

2. Highlight the successes of your colleagues

Especially women. Statistics show that women undervalue their personal value, and are less likely to attribute their success to their ability than their male counterparts. Last week I talked about our use of quotes, and the message it sends. In the context of your workplace I'm sure you highlight good examples of behaviour, you highlight successes - this is a good thing. But you should take the opportunity to consider if you're applying a hidden bias in which examples you highlight, and whether you're missing the opportunity to show that the women in your team, who aren't self-promoting, are also worthy of making a positive example out of.

3. Admire successful women

Know your biases. Be smarter than the typical person who dislikes Heidi, but likes Howard (watch the video to understand more). Challenge yourself to not just admire the man who succeeds, but also admire the woman who succeeds.

The Wife Drought

If you're still interested, read The Wife Drought (Annabel Crabb), listen to one of the podcasts covering it, and/or follow my simple summary:

1. When your kids need to be looked after, go home and do it - set the example for the office that if "even he" can go and look after the kids, then it is OK for the other men in the office to do the same. Why is this important? Because your behaviour gives permission to others to do the same (or takes permission away from others). And what happens when men go home to look after the kids? Women don't need to - and then they are in a position to further their careers. The cost to you going home to look after the kids is far less than the cost to your wife.
2. Ask the men who work for you about their kids. Make it clear by your interest that they are welcome to be a mother to their kids, or a wife to their wife. By these gendered terms I mean make it clear to them that they don't need to follow yesterday's stereotypes. Think about the requests you might typically get from the women who work for you: "I need to leave early on Wednesdays to take little Johnny to soccer practice". Ask the men who work for you if they need to leave early on Wednesdays to take little Johnny to soccer practice.
3. When the men who work for you tell you they are having a child, ask them if they need time off, ask them if they need to take paternity leave, ask them if they want to work part time. Ask them the same questions that you typically hear from women when they tell you they are expecting a child. Give men the freedom to make a choice that helps the most important woman in their life - their wife or partner.

Ask the men who work for you if they need to leave early on Wednesdays to take little Johnny to soccer practice.

All of the above might sound a bit preachy. It might sound like I'm forcing my preferences on you. Please don't take it that far. My intent is simply that you put the topics on the table. Use that amazing brain in your head to be a rationale being - make the decision yourself, don't just be a product of your environment. Have the discussion - discuss this with your own family, discuss this in your workplace, discuss this in the comments below.