What Can I Control?

Therapist Sean Maguire and Will sat on a park bench somewhere in Boston in the late 1990s. If you were to ask Will Hunting about that day, he would refer to it as a "Taster's Choice moment between two guys," but Sean, well, he had something entirely different to say about that moment.

I won't get into exactly what Sean said because you already know what he said. Sean Macguire was the character played by the late Robin Williams, and Will (Hunting) was Matt Damon. The scene was from the movie Good Will Hunting, and in my opinion, it's one of the most memorable movie scenes of all time; it's iconic.

I love that scene because it reflects all of our lives. Someone passes judgment on us for unjustified reasons, drawing conclusions about us based on one small thing. In Sean's case, it's a painting, but in your case, maybe it's something else. And rarely—I mean rarely—do we get an opportunity to have the courage to do as Sean did, to sit with someone and deliver our response so elegantly and with authority.

That's because, unfortunately, our lives are not a movie; we don't get another take, we don't have a script or a director, there's not a microphone or proper lighting, we only have one "take," and although I would love to believe Robin Williams delivered those lines from heart because it was some of the best acting I've ever witnessed (I actually don't know, and I looked it up), I do know that with the cameras rolling, they were more than prepared do to it again.

Life's funny like that. We can picture ourselves in the movies, "What would I say if I had the chance?" We might even rehearse it in the mirror, only to never deliver it. But life's not like that.

Not so much.

It's not perfect; there are so many circumstances that are entirely out of our control, and yet our natural reaction is to attempt to control them as if we are mic'd up with the camera rolling and ready to deliver.

But we can't control what we can't control (you already know that), but you can control your response; you can process how you feel, you can ponder it, and you can react, and I believe for most of us, that's why that particular scene is so compelling to those of us who experienced it years ago; because it was a response, a response we've all pictured in our "movie" delivering to the people who have doubted us, or passed judgment on us.

"You think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally, I don't give a s*** about all that because, you know what, I can't learn anything from you. I can't read in some f***king book." ~Sean Maguire

Are you the main character in your movie? I know I am, but I also know that there are no second takes. In this movie, it's all about how I respond, and if I remember correctly, I believe someone once said that "acting is reacting."

Well, if it is, here's my motto: The glass has to be half-full, never empty. Therefore, I will always have the perspective to rejoice, to give thanks, and, whenever I need counsel, to pray for wisdom.

That's what I know I can control; that's what really matters.

Thanks

Tony.