What Bugs You? What Bugs Me...

Sometimes, it is little things that bug a person.  (Actual bug bites too.)  And, while these wee things may not seem important in the grand scheme of things (consider Orlando's spate of tragedies of every sort), they kind of irk you and annoy you and have a cumulative negative effect.  I get the advice given most often: just disregard the little irksome things in life and focus on the big things. It is not worth one's time and energy to focus on the petty bothersome things in day-to-day life.

But, I actually think the little things matter -- both the irksome ones and the little acts of kindness.  Grand tragedy and grand gestures are one thing. Donate $20 million to your alma mater -- good deed.  Horrible van rollover that injures and kills and maims Chinese tourists.  We have no shortage of either horrors or remarkable acts of heroism and largesse. 

So, here are some of the items on my "it bugs me list."  (1) Steph Curry dangling his mouthpiece and then more recently throwing it (really?); (2) Political candidates who tell falsehoods as if they are the truth and no one calls them on it; (3) People who speak louder when you disagree with them as if perhaps you have a problem hearing (same thing for people who don't speak English and we speak louder to them as if that will increase understanding). (4) Television advertisements that shout at you to buy (does that help?) or give you so many caveats for a drug that it would seem foolish to even consider using the medicine; (5) Kids who are berated publicly (or privately) by their parents (in a store or supermarket; at family gathering) or by their teachers; (6) People who refuse to accept responsibility for their actions (Brock Turner, his father, his mother, his sister, his ex-girlfriend); (7) folks who are grumpy or dismissive, for no cause at all, just being ornery; (8) leaders who do not say thank-you to those in their institution -- from the delivery person to the administrative assistant to the senior team; and (9) folks who mistreat animals and property as if they had no value.

Here are some of my favorite items on my "small acts of kindness" list: (1) People who do what they say (I'll call; I'll email; I'll take care of this); (2) People who stop to help others they see in trouble (a person falling on a street; a kid running toward a danger); (3) A person who gives an unexpected gift -- a flower, a charm, a card to just say "I remember."  (4)  folks who take the time to ask "how are you" and mean it; (5) Folks who say Let's Do Lunch and actually follow through; (6) People who see pets on the street and ask if they can pet them; (7) Pet owners who share their pets with those in hospitals or in need following tragedies; (8) Friends who recommend a good book that they think will have meaning for you given whatever is going on in your life; (9) Leaders who just pop into your office and ask: "What can I do to make your life better?."

In the balance of life, do the irksome things and the small acts of kindness balance each other out?  I'm not so sure.  But, of this I am sure: speaking up and out about irksome things helps -- whether directly or indirectly, whether in person or online or through social media (without hate and animus and vituperative rhetoric).  I have tweeted and written about many of the small ills that irk me -- to be sure, I try also to write about the big issues.

And, we need to make it more possible to acknowledge and respect and laud the small acts of kindness.  True, they don't generate media attention and they don't sell magazines.  I understand that.  But, a simple thank-you or a smile goes a long way, particularly in today's crazy world where the earth seems to have fallen off its axis.

Case in point: Last night, I did a book reading @Water Street Books in Williamstown, MA: short reading, wonderful conversation about Lady Lucy's Quest and her inspiration (a real person actually) with attendees, and then book signings. But listen to this: After the event, we went next door to a great local food spot. The bartender, who happens to be a puppeteer who designed Lady Lucy dolls, came over to our table and said mid0way through dinner, "there is a little 4 year old girl named Lucy on the other side of the restaurant." Then, he asked if I had a Lady Lucy book to share with her. Without his comment, I would not have known about the "Lucy" next door so to speak.

So I got up, went to my car and came back with the book and gave it to a real Lucy (sitting there with her family). She was thrilled and as we were leaving post-dinner, she jumped up from her chair and shouted (as only kids can do): "we are reading this book tonight, as soon as we leave here." She was leaping around in anticipation of reading the book and repeated to her family in a command sort of way: we're reading Lucy tonight.

I'll bet they did.

This wee incident set me on a new path. I've decided that every Lucy I encounter randomly other than in classrooms where it would be unfair to other kids (there will be many I suppose in bookstores or at restaurants) should get a free book and a hello from the book's author... What better thanks could d there be for an author than the joy kids find in reading -- and from a random act of kindness.

This all reminds me of Miata drivers who have the red version. When they pass each other on the road any time any place, they wave and beep (it's a wonderful wee beep on that car). Total strangers, sharing a moment, recognizing each other and a shared experience.

Lots to be learned from both the irksome things and the wee good things that deserve more attention.  

So, if your name is Lucy and I bump into you somewhere in person, remind me to give you a copy of Lady Lucy's Quest.  As someone with a shared name, you should share in Lucy's story.