What Brings You Here? Advice for the couch

Being a therapist comes with uncertainty, responsibility and tons of emotions. To navigate all of that, we need support, continuous learning, a space to unwind and even rest. So here’s Kaha Mind bringing to you a space to do just that. “What Brings You Here” is a newsletter for therapists curated by therapists. Here, you’ll find your struggles represented, a shoulder to lean on in times of confusion and a place to feel heard. For our first column, we brought Neda Ansaari, a clinical psychologist and lead therapist on our team to talk about the big feeling– “hopelessness”– how it shows up for us as therapists, and what to do when it does.

It has been 10 years into practice, and I can still recall how excited and nervous I was during those first therapy sessions! I can imagine how you must be feeling - ready to change the world, one session at a time. But the moment you wrap the first session, you realise that there is a long road ahead of you.

I've noticed how with each session, and each client, a different therapy process emerges. It becomes clear that our clients are not from our graduate school textbooks and the studied techniques and prompts cannot be copy-pasted as it is. Soon enough, it might lead you to wonder whether you are really the one capable of helping them. And out of nowhere, the feeling creeps up– a sense of hopelessness.?

But as someone who’s been there, and yes, sometimes still finds herself there– I’ll tell you something– it’s all part of the process. So here is how you checkmate the hopelessness:

Remember, change is relative: Remind yourself that change does not happen at the same pace for everyone. Each one of our clients is working towards change, whether it is coping with depression or building their self-image or resolving relationship issues. Change might not happen the way you expect; it might be gradual or staggered, it could be stagnant or fast paced. As long as your client is engaging with the process of therapy and committed to change, know that you’re on the right track.

Focus on what is under your control: Easier to say this to our clients, isn’t it? It might break your heart a little bit to see how some things are so unfair for your clients. Part of you will want to change everything for them (their relationships, childhood, the stone they stumbled over) so they start to feel better. But the truth is, you can only do so much for your clients. Therapy isn’t as much about fixing all the problems of your clients, as it is about helping them to develop a greater awareness of their problems, sitting with them through the tough emotions, and empowering them to work through those. So focus on what it is that your therapy space can offer to the client, and work your way from there :)?

Try to Sit with the frustration: Again easier said than done! But trust me, it is much better than giving into the hopelessness. If you are finding yourself stuck in a session and worry that you are unable to help the client; sit with it, conceptualise it and make sense of where the ‘stuck-ness’ is coming from. Don’t do this alone, take help from a trusted colleague or..

Seek Supervision: Remember the time when Avengers beat Thor because they worked together (not the Infinity War, Endgame; well they almost got together but they did not chalk out a plan, sorry I digress). Point is even superheroes need help! When we conceptualise and discuss our cases and concerns with our supervisor, it brings in a fresh perspective and renewed hope.

So gear up and put on your shiny cape (I mean your notes and room!) because the world needs you!