What brands can learn from the outbreak of World War III

"Thought leadership should intrigue, challenge, and inspire..."

Perhaps I was away the day the memo went out to the global marketing and communications community that challenged us  to ensure we didn't allow a single newsworthy moment to pass without somebody penning a five hundred word thought piece on what brands / business leaders / fish & chip shop owners / paper boys can leverage from the event. An educated guess would also suggest that it additionally reminded us not to forget to then publish such musings to LinkedIn, Medium or preferably both.

Clearly the memo had a set of fight club-esque rules around re-distribution, as I've found it impossible to find a copy, but given the make up of some recent articles read, perhaps  it also came with a cookie cutter template containing advice on how best to structure such a piece. After all, if time is to be invested writing such fare, ensuring the maximum reach and impact that can be obtained does so.

Following mainly guestimations I've managed to piece together what I believe such advice contained. So if there are any of you out there who like me didn't receive the aforementioned memo, but want to participate in this secret game then the below should hold you good.

1. Speed
Being quick is everything. Waste no time at all - following events unfolding on the news - in firing up your text editor of choice. Hurry now, because remember it's a race. There are no prizes for second place, so get those fingers dancing over the keyboard. Your response time should be measured in

Your response time should be measured in nanno seconds. Any slower and guaranteed one of your fellow communication pro's somewhere in the world will beat you too it. Don't embarrass yourself by being seen to be behind the pulse. 

Always be cautious though, if you aren't quick the story may no longer be relevant. Don't be the one posting about news. Pah! old news is so yesterday.

Remember the millennials, and their 8-second attention spans. It's all about owning this moment. Stop for nothing. Get the damn thing written and published.

Usain Bolt is your pace maker here.

Those keyboards should be smoking!

2. Relevancy doesn't matter
Closely connected to point 1 it's important not to let penning quality, meaningful and insightful content get in the way of getting something - anything - published.

It's so much more important to ride zeitgeist! Don't miss the wave because you paused for too long considering if your words really do link to your chosen metaphor. 

Nobody cares if what you publish makes any sense or offers anything of value. The mere fact you've got something published so quickly, will impress your network so much they'll be rushing to share it on hitting that like button as they do, pouring praise on you in the comments least they be seen to not be in agreement with your out pouring of wisdom. 

It's all about the likes right? Everyone who knows anything about anything knows that the most important thing in the world is how many likes you get. Brands have died because they ran out of the oxygen likes deliver.

Oh and RT's - mustn’t forget the RTs. 

3. Stuff accuracy
Who in their right minds cares about accuracy anymore - so hell, just make up facts if you need to.

Aint nobody got time for anything as beneficial as research or verification ( see point 1 ) so just don’t bother with it. If you really must, Google it and look for a Wikipedia article. You can always trust Wikipedia. 

Just be as fuzzy as you possibly can with the facts you drop. Everyone will be so impressed with your intelligence and smarts in vaguely connecting some dots they'll forgive you something small as massaging the facts to shape your point.

Mark Twain nailed it didn't he!

"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story"

4. Nothing is sacred
It's in the news, so it's fair game. Worry not about whether or not your musings are appropriate or in good taste.

Has a celebrity died? Don't, what ever you do let that body get even remotely cold before you've hit publish.

Think about all those poor brand managers who can't do their jobs until they've read your advice on the 10 things they can learn on how the authenticity of how ** INSERT DECEASED Z-LIST CELEBRITY HERE ** wore their underpants will make take their product to the next level.

No quicker they can read your ideas, the quicker they brand can go  GLOBAL baby !

Has a major accident occurred? Hell - there's got to be something that community managers and social strategists can learn about inspiring audiences and influencers in how the rescue services respond.

Just make sure you drop the #hashtag in there

5. There's always sports
Everyone loves sport right? Plus it's always happening so plenty of opportunity to find a tenuous link to underline your point.

You don't need to know much about the game or event - just enough to make it seem like you do. Name dropping is your friend here.

Name dropping is your friend here. Find out who the poster boy/girl is in said sport, and make sure you mention them - find a picture of them on Goolge images for double points. Worry not that said poster boy/girl may or may not play for the team in question - it's all about making sure you can be found in the search. 

Pause for a second to congratulate yourself on bonus points for the SEO boost. woot!

6.Wrapping up
Worry not about tying up all your points and distilling everything into a constructive sound bite as a take away from your piece. That sort of thing really only belongs in your university thesis.

The conclusion is all about begging your network to share your insightful musings. Bonus points for attempts to disguise requests for comments by suggesting the reader shares any additional ideas they might have. Everything is a conversation at the end of the day. You know you won't reply to them - but the schmucks who'll read your piece don't know that.

...

If by now you have picked up on my less than obvious mocking tone then you may share my frustration in the latest trend (within certain professional circles at least) to race to publish so-called thought pieces around world events. 

Few - if any - of these have had anything constructive, useful or insightful to really say. There is more than a sniff of their authors penning them with the sole intention of furthering their own social sphere and reach by projecting an impression of relevance. To me, they add little of value, and it's certainly not what I consider thought leadership.

Each to their own though, but I for one feel they should be called out on it. 

They're following a frustratingly boring trend of trying to 'own the moment'. 

Please, somebody - just make it stop.

Agree with me? Let me know in the comments....

* Just kidding on that last bit