The cat and the crow... or

What is it that you do that tells you changes you decide to implement in your life or work will be sustained?

Okay, you've read a new book, recovered from a disappointment, finished a toxic relationship (yes it could be a drug too), left a job that was giving you more grief than glow; you have made a breakthrough with your coach or mentor and identified the true person you want to be. You feel motivated at the thought of starting afresh elsewhere, on your own or with someone else. What is it that tells you, beyond blind optimism, that this time it is for good?

Pattern repetition is a phenomenon well known to many. A manifestation of Freud's counterpart to Eros: Thanatos. "A desire to return to an earlier state of things” which may drive one to self-destruction, aggression, compulsion and repetition. But let's leave Freud out of this and focus on a positive side of repetition.

As an individual, I like what is familiar for it gives me comfort. What is familiar is easily repeated and done effectively for there is no need to think much about it. I always step into my jeans with my left leg first. I just do it! Anything that upsets that state of being looks, smells or feels unfamiliar and may end up getting in the way. For that reason alone, I enjoy repeating things. Give me a nod, if you do too. A state of comfort is what some of us aspire to and once we get there, we want to stay there. That state is so desirable, we crave it even if what gives us comfort is harmful (yes, you're right, we may not know it is harmful!).

Take the way I get ready to sleep most nights - I check that my blindfold is within reach; I turn on my comfy podcast (The News Quiz) and insert an earpiece in my right year. I never use both. I keep the volume at its lowest so I lie on my right side to keep the natural bedroom noises out and hear more of what's coming out of the earpiece. Ok, you will think that there's no creativity to this. I'll give you that. I'd accept, though, that like in communication where language follows the law of minimum effort, so it is with habits. Working within my comfort zone is effortless. Any one can have a beer passed onto them on a bar by throwing a wink or a smile, a nod of the head or a thumbs-up. Where there is repetition there once was creativity that became a skill, that was thoroughly mastered to let our brain think about something else while performing a repeated action.

The importance of this level of awareness of my own habits is that it allows me to do something more useful with them should I decide to. Repeated patterns very often can be more difficult to change if you are not aware of them.

Take eating or spending habits, for example. You may know you eat unhealthily because of the weight of your body on the scale or how your clothes no longer fit easily as they used to. Even less blissful, you review the holiday pictures. Also, your spending habits might go unnoticed at first, but they reflect on your savings or debts, and your current account.

A way I find to make change sustainable is to start by observing my habits as they happen. When I wanted to eat healthily, I noticed how my eyes bulged and my mind went "Er, another biscuit can do no harm!" My mouth filled with water. Literally! Or when I was short of cash and still went, "Check out those jeans. I need new ones." Habits are created out of thoughts that stimulate repetition. Things get interesting when you want to change your habits, but those thoughts are still noticeably recurrent.

Though I am talking about my own habits, many would identify with such thoughts too. In processes of change, it is common to say I want to stop doing x, and do more of y only to find oneself still thinking about what you want to stop doing and what you would like to do more of three, six, nine months if not longer down the line. So my question is, what is it like for you? How do you make lasting changes stay?

Here is a story. A cat that ruled a neighbourhood decided to take a stroll up a new patch. Cautiously, the cat went from one side of the road to the next safely. On the way back, the cat decided to show itself more and strolled across the road for there was no danger anywhere it looked. To its surprise, a crow that watched the cat come and go balancing on an electric wire plunged down towards the cat and pecked it on the back. In shock, the cat hid under a car and there it stayed until it was dark enough for it to go back to its old patch. Which was a shame for the cat was determined to explore new areas. How did the cat sustain this change? Did it go back and stayed in his old neighbourhood or did it venture itself into new ones?

How do you keep the states you want always to be present in your life or at work, particularly in low moments to see you through to your new you? What resources do you access to keep you at the highest level of change you know is the right one for you? In my coaching practice I adopt a number of effective tools to help change stick. Whatever you do to sustain change, I would love to hear it from you.

Graciano Soares is Director of Digisimple and and NLP Coach at COACHEE Coaching. He is also Chair of Trustees at Breacc.