What bends doesn’t break. On flexibility in life and at work.

Flexibility and adaptability have been on my mind this week, and I like to share so here are some thoughts. Apologies up front to the TL:DR crowd, but I felt like telling a story. Buckle up. I feel like this one might be a bit of a ride, but I think you will appreciate it, and hope you can take away some good insight, or maybe just enjoy the story.

Usually, when I write these, I am inspired by an article I read during the week and I let the thoughts percolate until the weekend when I let my brain spill out. Once everything is done, I write a title to go with it, like an afterthought. This week, I got stuck on the concept of flexibility, specifically the saying WHAT BENDS DOESN’T BREAK. I knew it would be my title this week and the content would follow.

As the week wore on, I heard gusts of wind hitting the house, the windows creaking and the bins outside falling over yet again, but nothing broken. I thought about palm trees in a hurricane surviving what looks unsurvivable. At one point, without quite knowing how I got there, I remembered Bruce Lee saying “be like water my friend”. I wanted to stay in that longer and learn more, so I dug and I started putting together how it linked so many things I have thought about and shared lately.

The full Bruce Lee quote is below, but you can watch and hear it in the “Lost” interview. There are lots of cuts, but I like this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzQWYHHqvIw.

“Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

In the beginning, WHAT BENDS DOESN’T BREAK encourages going with the flow and adapting to changes and bumps in the road. The fastest race car driver is the one who can find the fastest line on the edge of grip in the corners repeating the same “best” line to get to the finish first. But, that same driver also needs to be able to adapt to changing conditions in the weather, the road, the tires and especially the other drivers around them to be successful. Or, as Mike Tyson put it so eloquently “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth”. These endless adaptations to corners and punches are similar to our every day lives at home and at work. Sometimes, it even feels like we are trying to simply stay in the race?while?getting punched in the mouth. Luckily, we don’t live in the Thunderdome. Yet… Keep adapting, bending and adjusting to the corners and punches.

Then, I wanted to know more and how Bruce’s philosophy applies to different situations in life. Water will shift shapes, bend around whatever is in it’s way and just keep flowing.?This article on Medium?explains the meaning of being like water to be?“fearless about exploring the new you”?and being?“adaptable to change”. I really liked that the author encourages flexibility, expressing ourselves better and resilience. All things I have been thinking about deeply. Does all this mean we don’t plan and just go with the flow? No, we can still plan and have objectives, but instead of knowing perfectly what will happen in the next 5 steps, we should take the first step in the right direction, followed by another, and another that adapt to what’s coming at us. Be like water and use the cracks and obstacles to forge a new path forward. For those using Agile practices at work, wink, wink, nudge, nudge!

But wait. If water is adaptable and just flows around obstacles, isn’t that just avoiding conflict? In some cases, yes. In some areas, conflict is not the best path forward and we need to adjust our approach. If you feel road rage, the best approach is to calm the f*ck down and let the feelings go. But, in other cases, as Bruce says at the end of the quote,?“it can crash”. If you’ve ever watched video of a tsunami’s massive waves or the drips of water torture, you know that water is anything but weak, even when it is one drop at a time. It can be very powerful and, just like us, can change lives forever. Sometimes, we need to set boundaries and conflict is unavoidable. In these moments, I am trying very hard to learn and apply lessons about?nonviolent communication?and?boundary setting. Being powerful and having impact doesn’t have to mean breaking our enemies or yelling louder than everyone else. It can be subtle and supportive while protecting ourselves too. There is great power in helping each other be more together.

At this point, I started to wonder about about the science and how it can apply more specifically to people at work. This led me to?COGNITIVE FLEXIBILITY,?which is just a fancy way of saying that we can adapt to situations as they come at us even if they go against our plans. We can find ways to make whatever we are living work for us. It is a skill that?can be learned.?Start small?with little things so you can get used to the idea of not always having a plan that will work until the end. Then,?build empathy?so you can get insight from others and see their point of view. Next, try to?stay out of catastrophic thoughts?by “pressing pause” and seperating observations from emotions (What is actually happening and what we feel about it are two very separate things.) Last,?ask what else might be true?and then talk to people about it to find out. As with boundaries, we won’t know what the other person is actually thinking until we speak to them about it. Unless you’ve recently developed mind reading capabilities, don’t skip this last step.

What about at work? Change is a big part of what many of us do every day. Albert Einstein said, “The measure of intelligence is the ability to change”. I don’t agree with him all the time, but it is a perspective worth considering. Honestly, the idea of “intelligence” in itself is so debatable. Yep, I just disagreed with Einstein, but I am pretty sure he won’t mind. I do agree with building the adaptability skill. It is applied in many a leadership training. To be a good leader is to learn from challenges, help people around you create and adjust plans, and build up teams to always strive to be better in the pursuit of common goals. In order to do this, we all need to be open to appreciating the diversity of thought around the table, learning from the experience and each other, and, very importantly, to failure. This not only makes us better at what we do, but also paves the road for innovation and creativity. Without an open mind and approach that encourages sharing, we are stifling the potential in our midst.

Oh, and just because I used the word “leader”, don’t let that limit these thoughts to just those in power. It includes everyone. The more I learn about followership, the more I realize that good follower behaviours are very similar to, if not the same as, good leaders. Roles can quickly shift between the people involved, even in the midst of a simple conversation, making leadership and followership very dynamic. More on that another time.

I could go on for quite a while on a bunch of different aspects and ways of looking at the world and how we can adapt to all its meanderings, but I feel like this is getting way too long for an email newsletter or article on social media. I will leave you with my current perspective and thoughts in the moment. Thoughts that will evolve and flow like water.

The wind is building and my weather app has a warning that we are in for a blustery day. Despite the warnings and red flashing text, I know we have been through this before and we are still standing. We’ve had to make a few repairs along the way, but as in the art of?Kintsugi, our cracks can be filled with gold making us more beautiful for the pain. This makes me confident about the future and that we will all be ok. We will keep helping each other, realizing that we are not alone, and making our world a better place together.

I hope you enjoyed the ride and got something out of all this. I know I did. Have a great Monday and week ahead. Take care of yourselves and, if you can, someone else.

John

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