What beliefs are true to you?

“All of your beliefs are true for you - what’s your response to it?” - Nick James

Last week, I attended an event with Expert Empires in London. I know what you may be thinking - “here we go - plug the event!”… maybe but it is not the intention nor has been asked of me.

Now we are past the sceptical mind chatter you have going on…

Those few days were insane. They have blown my mind. What started as a simple sign up on Instagram one night after a couple gins when it popped up saying “Lewis Howes live in London sign up for more info” has brought a level of challenge whereby I have had to overcome my own hurdle and inner voice nagging at me; “is this total bs and be mindful of the sales spiel Nat!”?

Quite simply, this has been one of the most amazing experiences and if you trust the law of attraction… I think it is safe to say it is working for me.

Still with me?…

I know (because people tell me all of the time) that I am very very confident. I should be with a drama degree right? Back in 2005 I was always asked;

“Why would you want that as a degree?”

“Are you going to be on Eastenders then?”

I’ll work backwards to answer these.

No!

That degree gave me with the ability to be comfortable on stage in the spotlight without standing there shaking and just about managing to get my words out.

That confidence also led me to this event on my own, energised to learn and connect with like minded people. I have reflected, questioned, listened in awe, had my doubts but all of this has helped me make some BIG commitments to where I want to be in my life. In her presentation, Deenita Pattni shared Tony Robbins quote; “It is in the moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.”

WHAT DO I WANT IN LIFE?

For many of YOU, this will be a huge question to answer even if you don’t admit this to yourself.

Everyone in the room was asked this by Lewis Howes. Both Lewis and Steven Bartlett are two huge inspirational people in my life both of who have resided on many vision boards since 2018 when I set the intention to meet them after coming across their podcasts which helped me through hours of gruelling cardio sessions as I prepped for my first fitness photoshoot.?

I have met both of them this year.

I know I am incredibly fortunate to know exactly what I want in life but I also know I could not have figured it out on my own. I know that what got me to this stage in my life will not move me forward and to move forward like we all promise to our clients in coaching I need to ask for more help.

I have a clear vision. I also have some BIG fears.

Next question from Lewis Howes;

WHAT IS MY FEAR?

Transparently, I have been in the corporate space for over 19 years of my life. It worked at 21 when I first became responsible for the development and potential of others when I became a line manager. 14 years later as a senior leader, it no longer served the life I wanted.?

With this comes some huge fears mostly centred around money. Who will pay my mortgage? Where will I get clients? What happens when I get found out that I have no idea what I am doing on some of this even though I know I am ok at this coaching stuff! I think? (Must give another banana to that chimp in my head!)

You have to pay attention and be aware of this. What are your thoughts around success and money? What is your relationship with these??

If you fear failure, success and judgement of others, ask yourself how is this holding you back?

Lewis went on to challenge the the way we see fear;

“The only way to overcome them is to go all in on them to have more self-belief until it goes away.”

That was not even the mic drop moment for me…. That part is still to come but what we come back to here is self-belief. Go all in on it. Feel the pain and use this to be your motivation and drive to succeed. You only get this one shot at life!

The mic drop moment for me was to STOP allowing your inner voice, self-doubts and mind chatter take control. YOU ARE IN CONTROL so as he continued to share;

“Stop focussing on thinking and add value.”

When you stop overthinking;

What do I sound like?

What do they think of me?

Does my hair look ok?

Are they wondering whether I actually know what I am talking about?

When you stop overthinking and start focussing on serving your client, your friend and in the broader context - your loved ones, you will be able to help and add value. It is the art of listening whereby you seek to understand why someone asked a question and listen on a global level to what is not being said. This is where the real connection happens where the true richness in the conversation shifts the dynamic of conversation and you create the ability to build and establish trust in a relationship.

The third question from Lewis (the power of 3) was;

WHAT DO I NEED TO HEAL?

This was probably the hardest question to ask myself in that moment. What do I need to do to heal?

The part I missed out before about knowing what I want in life and the job not serving me is that the end part of that journey was unforeseen. It is a story I am in the process of crafting. It will one day be part of my history and one that I share in a compelling and authentic way but until then I shall focus on giving everything to my new beginnings.

I won’t assume that we have all heard of “The Great Resignation?” The term is being used to describe a global phenomenon whereby people are quitting their jobs and many with no idea of what is next. People are feeling burnt out but this goes deeper. People are refining what success means to them because where they currently are at is not aligning to their deep personal values in life. If you are aware of Bronnie Ware - an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives then you will know she recorded her observations into a book called?The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

The number you are likely to have in life is;

“I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

It resonated. This is how I was feeling working 12 hour days, 6 days per week in a toxic environment, where the culture was not congruent to the valued behaviours and business priorities, I was running out of fuel. Tired of the hamster wheel and emotionless to anything positive and fun. I had lost my identity, had an internal conflicting battle emerging inside and worst than this was being made to feel I was not good enough. I kept saying; “this is not me” but failed to find the energy to stop and say “what do I do to change this?”

How do I heal from this?

Therapy! And lots of it.

I’m a big advocate of therapy and have been on and off for many years now but I realised I needed it right there and then. I needed this consistently and I need to make this a way of life. Therapy helps me heal. It is by far not the complete answer as Johann Hari shares in his book Lost Connections (I highly recommend this book). Don’t quote me here but he essentially shares we have a collective of problems that can compound to seem like one moment when everything comes to the surface and break. We feel lost. We therefore need a collective of solutions to help us move forward. Similar thoughts I have are in coaching and business - why do we feel an investment in one person will bring everything we need? We are human beings and are forever a work in progress learning everyday! The wonderful part about what I do is meeting new people, connecting and building a relationship. Business is about relationships.

I also needed to stop being so hard on myself. To realise I had in abundance what so many people will fail to have in life; confidence, kindness, empathy, gratitude, acknowledgement for where I was at and belief in myself that I could achieve what I wanted with the right people around me in the right environments.

As Jim Rohn once said;

“You're the average of the five people spend the most time with.”

It takes courage to believe in yourself.

It takes courage to ask yourself these hard questions in life.

It takes courage to change the direction of your life when you have no idea what lies ahead of you.

That internal conflict I spoke about earlier, it won’t go away. If things don’t feel right and your actions are not aligned to your vision and values in life it will hold you back. Stop resisting it. Start listening and understanding what beliefs are true to you.

To all the other speakers; Rob Moore (I was a hater! I was blown away! - amazing guy.) Carrie Green, Lisa Johnson, Darin Adams, Gordon Burcham, Dr. Andrea Pennington, Neil Shoney, Matt Elwell, Ryan Pinnick, David Walsh - all of whom were inspirational, I thank you. Of course, to Nick James, thank you! - What a phenomenal time to be alive!