What Am I Looking For?

Not that anyone asked, but I wanted to share a few thoughts on how I choose to approach dating as a single, divorced, 50-year-old father in case someone finds them helpful…

For context, my last relationship (which lasted 18 bmonths and ended last August) was phenomenal. Like any relationship, we had our challenges and difficulties but she was a remarkable woman! It was the most fulfilling relationship I’ve ever had… I learned so much through that experience… and I am a better man today because of it (and because of her). It ultimately didn’t work because we were on slightly different timelines and it was long distance. Thankfully, we’re still friends.?

The reason I share that is because it set a very high bar for all relationships moving forward… and gave me a glimpse of what is possible!?

Having had such a wonderful relationship, I choose to view dating through a hopeful and optimistic lens. After all, you get what you focus on (and I choose to focus on the ‘good’ stuff!).

What am I looking for??

I’m looking for chemistry, connection, and compatibility.

Who am I looking for??

I’m looking for a kind, playful, intelligent, funny, ambitious, open-minded, compassionate, and fit (mentally/physically) woman.?

I am looking for someone I can be my unfiltered self around, someone I can do life with, and someone who is my best friend.?

I am looking for someone who is my biggest cheerleader when things go well and a rock solid support system when things aren’t going well.?

I am looking for someone who challenges me, pushes me, encourages me, and holds me accountable to the highest standard… yet offers grace, compassion, and forgiveness when I mess up and when I’m less than my best self).?

I am looking for someone who cares enough to tell me the truth even if it’s not something I want to hear.?

And I’m looking for someone who is vulnerable and courageous enough to allow me to reciprocate and do/be ALL of the above for her.

With all of that said, it’s also important to note, that my life at present is full and fulfilling. I don’t NEED someone. But I certainly welcome and will gladly make space when My Person comes along!?

As far as dating goes, whether communicating on the apps or meeting up in person, I try my best to be genuine and authentic… and try not to play games.?

I acknowledge I have a laundry list of quirks, I acknowledge them, and I don’t hide them!

For starters, I’m an over communicator (look at this post and imagine my texts!), I love emojis/GIF’s, I work out a ton, I don’t drink, I eat clean, I go to bed early, I have a politically incorrect sense of humor, I curse, I love sarcasm (and ‘roasting’ people, I am a tad moody, I travel a lot for work, and I prioritize my time with my kids.?

Yeah, I know, that’s quite a list. Hard to believe I don’t have women lined up outside of my apartment ;)

Joking aside, if those quirks don’t work for someone… that’s totally fine… then we simply aren’t a good fit for each other!

I have the awareness and humility to accept I’m not for everyone! I consider myself very particular (cough, cough - finicky) and I want to be with someone that loves me anyway ;)

My only goal on a first date is to make them feel comfortable, to be present, ask thoughtful questions, be a good listener, share openly/honestly… and enjoy stimulating conversation (and usually delicious food).?

Regardless of chemistry or connection… if I can check those boxes it was a great date and certainly worth my time (even if it doesn’t lead to a second date).?

I never worry about making a love connection or adding the unnecessary pressure of wondering, “Is she the one?”

Since a lot of communication occurs via the dating apps or text… if someone isn’t responsive… I take the hint and move on! I figure, either they aren’t that interested (which is fine) or they are way too busy (also fine)!?

And I never, ever ghost… if a date isn’t a good fit, I let the person know respectfully/compassionately that’s how I feel.?

However, when someone tells me that I’m not the right fit… I spiral out of control, go on a 72-hour bender, and cry myself to sleep for a week.

Ha ha, obviously kidding.?

I don’t take it personally.?

While that never feels good, I accept it’s part of the game (like missing shots in basketball).?

Like I said before, I accept I’m not for everyone, and the sooner someone lets me know that… the closer I’ll be to finding someone who is!?

Lastly, to summarize ALL of the above, this is the? two question filter I use to navigate the dating the world:

Am I the type of man I hope my sons emulate?

Am I the type of man I hope my daughter dates?