What was it all for?

As one year comes to an end and another one begins, we're bound to reflect on how life really was during the last 12 months.

What was it all for?

To answer this, I'll go through some of the key events - personal and professional - that shaped 2018. Hopefully I can provide you with some food (well, at least chocolate) for thought.

kAAKAO was born 18 January 2018

It was emotional, to say the least, to visit our Swiss factory and to see thousands of kAAKAO bars coming out of the packaging machine.

I couldn't help but think that it looked so easy. Why all the blood, sweat and tears?

What I learned: celebrate your success. Stop. Raise a glass or throw a party. You deserve it. (So do I. Guess what I'm doing 18 January?)

kAAKAO's launch at the world's largest confectionary fair, ISM

This was actually somewhat crazy: to attend a MASSIVE trade fair before our first year of trade had even begun.

Needless to say that there were some hick ups - such as noticing that the kJ and kcal values had accidentally been swapped. 15 000 bars were later unwrapped and rewrapped.

No biggie in the world of food production...maybe you can relate?

During this trade fair we met our very first clients from Hong Kong and New York. That showed us that we were onto something (sweet).

What's so: you'll rarely be 100% ready for future launches/projects/fill in the blank. Accept that good enough is good enough. Perfection is just an illusion and it will eat you up from the inside. So let go and do your best (and look around: there's a lot of crap out there, which might help you lower your bar a little).

I was diagnosed with trauma in March

Truth be told, this has been the most difficult year in my life.

I thought the challenges of last year were long gone, but I had forgotten about a tiny, little significant detail: me.

I had been so busy separating from a co-founder, fixing my companies after that, hiring our first full-time employee, launching a product and getting a massive product development loan that I stopped sleeping entirely. And I flinched every time I received an email or a letter, thinking I was still chased by a lawyer (read: bulldozer).

It's a scary thing to realise you're only a shadow of yourself - and completely clueless in terms of finding the way back to balance, good health and ultimately - happiness.

How things improved: I worked much less, visited every healer I could find (osteopaths, acupuncturists, massage therapists) and stuck to a very strict, healthy diet free from any allergens. I also spent hours (= days) on the phone with my best friend and with my mother, who both supported me with incredible grace and unconditional love.

kAAKAO bars appeared on the shelves in the UK, Hong Kong, NYC and Finland in April

A picture like this still makes me jump up and down with joy. I mean, this is how I envision the future with healthy, indulgent products (= illegal chocolate) that are suitable for all, regardless of a particular diet/religion/allergy.

Just thinking about this year makes me giddy with anticipation.

More better, indulgent, plant-based snacks to the people.

Remember: there is always space for one more. Just because people tell you that a category is already 'oversaturated', doesn't mean that you can't claim your slice of the pie. Go go go!

Finnish summer

If you've never been, go to Finland (both mine and kAAKAO's home country) and experience beauty unlike anything you could possibly imagine.

The long, light days and nights. Dips in the ocean straight from the sauna. Sweet, delicious strawberries. Family and friends hanging out on the patio. Reading a book for hours in the shade listening to the sound of waves.

I could go on forever. Finland is magical between June and August.

What's key: to get a few weeks of REAL down time each year. No phones, no musts, no schedules. Waking up in the morning without knowing what to do all day.

I've learned that boredom is a sign of having re-charged my batteries. Who knew you could get so excited about being bored?

Water leaks in my flat

When it rains, it POURS (in this case, quite literally).

The first water leak from upstairs happened in March and the second one in May, followed by months of arguing with an insurance company. Eventually I won (with them allowing me to renew the entire ceiling) after reading a great book on negotiation and using every trick I had up my sleeve.

I then lived in the midst of renovation mayhem for months and finally moved back in properly in September, happy as a hippo.

If there was anything to be learned from a water leak, it was this: a safe, clean and cosy home means e v e r y t h i n g. Things can fall apart left, right and centre in all other areas of life - but it's tough when you lose your safe haven. Take good care of yours.

kAAKAO 2.0 was launched with updated packaging

I knew there was something that felt wrong the very second I approved the first orange and blue wrappers in December 2017.

The colour scheme felt off and I wanted to change the texts on the inside of the wrapper as well.

In August we produced the second kAAKAO batch with a face lift and it's been very well received. I'm already planning the next one...

What I'm learning to trust: my gut. If something feels uncomfortable, listen. It might feel like a hassle or like lots of extra work...but most of the time it ends up being cheaper and much better in the long run.

I finally did things differently

In October I started thinking about doing things differently. About breaking tradition, like kAAKAO does in so many ways. (Mainly, our bars are sweetened with dates - which is very unconventional in the world of chocolate).

At this stage my health and sleep were still awful. I was covered in eczema and struggled through each day, expecting the worst and fearing the future.

So I called time out in my own life.

I worked as little as possible. I used any energy I had left to make my home beautiful. I re-read some of my favourite books on the ego, because I could feel its ironclad grip around my throat. And in the process I bounced between extreme emotions. One day I felt like it was time to shut down the business and the next I started toying with our next launch, while doing product development in my kitchen and working on a new marketing strategy.

And it worked. Like a charm. I think the scariest thing is when you don't know how to fix a problem and when you don't feel like there is a way out.

This is not quite the thing you should discuss on a business forum such as LinkedIn, but I think it's time that we're more honest about how things are or were - even if it means that a potential investor backs down or that someone doesn't want to work with you because of it.

Life is life. What matters is how you deal with challenges and let go of the shame you might have around what's happening.

What might be the solution: do nothing. Or rather: find a way to get your creative juices going as far away as possible from what you normally do. And then watch how everything starts to unfold beautifully.

Things may not develop exactly as you thought they would, but usually life works in your favour. You just have to believe in it.

My artist mom came to visit in November and she helped me paint HOORAY (inspired by my favourite street artist Ben Eine in London) on my wall, which I then tweaked for weeks to get the colours right. It was the best and the cheapest therapy I've ever had.

....So what was it all for?

Love.

Please hear me out.

There's so much talk about the 'why', i.e. the reason we do what we do.

There's always more work to do, regardless of how much you get done today.

'Hustling' for the sake of it doesn't solve problems, it usually creates them.

And ultimately, when things get rough and fall apart, you might find yourself asking what it's all for.

I came to realise that everything I do is for love.

I'm getting better at loving myself and releasing an addiction (scratching till I bleed). I'm practicing how to relate to others with love and understanding, instead of being so damn angry and frustrated all the time. And I'm learning how to always, always put love in the centre of everything I do personally and professionally - because that's the energy I want to put into the world.

That's it.

And on that note, I'd like to finish by saying HOORAY for 2019!

Sometimes it's worth taking a step back and really looking at what brings you joy. If something ticks the box, do more of it. If it doesn't, try something else.

In my world I'll add a silver lining by:

• accepting more public speaking engagements (please get in touch!)
• writing and creating meaningful content
• giving people hope - positive change is always possible
• growing team kAAKAO to expand our reach

And I'll naturally have lots of illegal chocolate along the way. Try some, if you haven't yet...because we all love being rebels, right?!

I would love to hear what you've learned in 2018 and how you intend to make 2019 prosperous and fun. And I'm sending you lots of love.

Stephanie

For more info, visit kaakaochocolate.com and my personal website stephanieseege.com.