At what age...

Elder care. Love your parents, grandparents, step-parents, guardians. We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are growing old. An issue many of us are facing, will face, or have faced. My wife, Nikki, has been at her parents’ house for the last four weeks. Probably will be there for the foreseeable future taking care of both of her parents who are in failing health. She is assisted by nurses and others who visit daily. On one hand, it is great that she can assist her parents and spend some quality time with them later in life. On the other hand, she has had to turn her world upside down to make this happen. Work, friends, kids, husband routines – all are different now. Her parents do not want to move from their beautiful Florida home with pool and big yard (even though they can no longer keep up the maintenance of their home). Nobody wants to believe they can no longer mow, or drive, or paint, or get on a ladder, etc. We do not want to give in to old age.

Getting older is inevitable and we joke about it, but it can also feel daunting-—the hair gets gray{er}, wrinkles set in, bones creak, bending over is a task, remembering why you walked upstairs becomes a weekly issue, and forgetting where you parked the car is becoming more common. All jokes aside, aging can bring about unique health issues. My mother passed away early (too early) and thankfully my dad is in good health but watching my in-laws health decline in the last few years is tough to watch.  

With our seniors accounting for 12 percent of the world’s population- – and rapidly increasing to over 22 percent by 2050 – it’s important to understand the challenges faced as our family elders age, and recognize that there are preventive measures that can place our self (or a loved one) on a path to healthy aging.

Stemming off chronic diseases as long as possible should be our focus.  According to the National Council on Aging, about 92 percent of seniors have at least one chronic disease and 77 percent have at least two. Heart disease, stroke, cancer, and diabetes are among the most common and costly chronic health conditions causing two-thirds of deaths each year.

And lest we forget about our brains. The most common cognitive health issue facing the elderly is dementia, the loss of those cognitive functions. Approximately 48 million people worldwide have dementia—a number that is predicted to nearly triple in size by 2050. The most common form of dementia is Alzheimer’s disease with as many as five million people over the age of 65 suffering from the disease in the United States. Watching family members deal with this is difficult.

And then there are things many of us take for granted - our balance and physical dangers as we get older. We joke about falling when we are healthy, but for our parents it is a very real issue. Every 15 seconds, an older adult is admitted to the emergency room for a fall. Because aging causes bones to shrink and muscle to lose strength and flexibility, seniors are more susceptible to losing their balance, bruising and fracturing a bone. Two diseases that contribute to this frailty are osteoporosis and osteoarthritis. My mother-in-law broke her hip a few years back and has never been the same. A senior dies from falling every 29 minutes, making it the leading cause of injury among the elderly.

An often-overlooked issue is malnutrition. And it can occur for a variety of reasons. Malnutrition in older adults over the age of 65 is often underdiagnosed and can lead to other elderly health issues, such as a weakened immune system and muscle weakness. The causes of malnutrition can stem from other health problems (seniors suffering from dementia may forget to eat), depression, alcoholism, dietary restrictions, reduced social contact and limited income. Or in the case of my in-laws, they just do not want to cook square meals anymore.

And then there is the cost for care. The average daily rate for adult day care is less than 1/2 of assisted living, 1/3 of home care and almost 1/4 of nursing home care. Non-medical home care runs $15.00-$30.00 per hour, assisted living can run $5,000 - $11,000 per month, nursing homes can run $150-$1,100 per day, continuing care communities have entrance fees from $80,000 to $750,000 and monthly fees from $1,500-$6,500. The costs add up – or said another way can eat into savings quickly if not planned for. Many retirees have saved money for their kids or grandkids and do not want to burn their money on themselves (even if really needed).

And as we are learning, there are other out of pocket costs related to household expenses, medical needs, personal care, legal fees, and other paid help (yard care, pool care, etc.). For many families this causes financial pressure which often forces families to cut back on: trips or vacations - 45%; eating out - 45% ; personal doctor visits - 19%; groceries - 18%; household supplies- 14%; personal medicine - 13%; children's education - 5% (Family Caregiving and Out-of-Pocket Costs, AARP).

There are many services available to assist with costs including Medicare, Medicaid, Veteran programs, tax relief, PACE (Programs for All-inclusive Care for the Elderly), etc. There are many details and regulations associated with these, so it is advisable to find experts to speak with.

The hope is that your loved one will be able to use these senior care resources for a while (again, pending the level of care needed) and live life more comfortably. With that in mind, it’s understandable to be concerned with what senior living will be like down the road, whether you’re years away from senior care or planning for it sooner.

So where are we now. My wife has sorted out and regulated their medications AND better understands their medical issues with the help of their doctors and pharmacists, she has gotten them both on better sleeping and eating schedules (still not optimal, but better), she has found the balance between listening to, understanding, and guiding her parents with decisions. Our family has painted their house, fixed an ailing fence, added lighting, fixed landscaping, and installed some technology (ring doorbell so they do not have to get up to answer the door). We have met with attorneys, doctors and various caregivers to better understand the options and the financials. We have thanked the neighbors who have (and continue to) assisted with helping out my in-laws. We have rallied as a family to make their life a bit less stressful. And... we are still not in a place for my wife to come home yet. It takes a village.

Together. We. Win.