What 90 days of isolation taught me.

You may remember that I mentioned I walked from one end of Britain to the other in 2016 raising awareness for mental health and homelessness.

It is a time in my life I’ll always remember, for many reasons.

While I may look like I had it together in this picture, the truth is this was far from the realness of what was going on.

I was in pain, both emotionally and physically.

Three months prior to this journey I had hit the lowest point in my life, I attempted to end my life by suicide with a lethal cocktail of drink and drugs.

After the third attempt, I reached out for assistance.

That was the day I confessed everything to my G.P, it was the day I started to lighten the load I had been varying for so long.

After several visits the G.P she said she believed I had borderline PTSD that came from losing my elder brother when I was 15 years of age and experiencing a colourful and interesting upbringing.

This was added to the being told that I had work-related stress, high functioning anxiety, addiction, unresolved childhood trauma and depression.

I trust you’ll be able to understand why my journey of recovery has been so lengthy and painful now.

My journey began on Monday the 1st of February 2016.

The journey that would restart my life.

Little did I know at the time I was rebuilding everything from the ground up, a second chance if you will.

I had ￡100, what I was wearing, a tent, a sleeping bag and hope.

I made the journey alone purposefully, I had a great deal of soul searching to do, lots of therapy and processing to go through.

I had no set itinerary, no solid plan, I didn’t even have what I consider to be the right equipment for long-distance walking.

The journey took Ninety days to finish.

Ninety days mostly sleeping in bushes, playing areas, gardens, behind police stations, parks, golf courses, in ditches, in graveyard and beaches, pretty much anywhere I could pitch my tent.

There were nights I couldn’t sleep because I was petrified, I was frightened for my life, more so in bigger cities like Birmingham and Manchester.

Even though I was on my own and isolated, I never felt alone, ever.

I was so used to it, I had plenty of experience when I opted to push everybody away I loved because I had a dirty little secret I didn’t want anybody to know about.

I had by the time I left Swindon a handful of people I started to bond with that I would check in with every day.

We don’t realise how important having people close to us to talk to and connect with really is until they aren’t there, we take it for granted because fir some they have always been there.

Personally I don’t think we can get through this life alone, at some point or other we will all need helping, supporting and lifting in some shape or form.

The walk also taught me the difference between need and want.

I had somewhere to sleep, I had something to eat and I had something to drink, my basic needs were being satisfied.

I had everything that I needed.

I wanted a hot bath a comfy bed and a massage but knew those things were a luxury.

When I reached Scotland people offered me the things I longed for, which I gladly accepted.

When people learned about the journey they wanted to help.

I let them.

The reason I let them is that I was starting to struggle.

They wanted to ease the pain for me somehow, they desired to contribute towards my mission.

I’m finding huge similarities to the state of affairs we are currently in.

We are in uncharted territory, we are confronting the unknown, we are isolated, we are struggling, we are reaching out for help the best we know-how, we don’t know when it will all end.

We are concerned, and many will be panicking.

These beliefs are all perfectly natural right now.

I want you to know this though, it’s not the end, it’s simply the beginning.

If you have a roof over your head, something to eat, something to drink you’ve got your basic needs met.

I won’t lie, losing everything stung, I never imagined I would get over it or be able to gain what I previously had.

I never regained what I previously had, because it was the past.

Having nothing is a great basis to build everything from believing me.

Right now you’ve got to ride this storm out, and please please reach out for help before crisis point, if you’re in a crisis you won’t see as clearly as you would if you put proactive measures in place, have a plan.

Before that trip I never made plans, never saved for a rainy day or reach out for help, you can bet your ass I do now though.

I even possess a plan for my mental health and wellbeing.

When we reckon it’s the end life has a funny way of showing us it’s just the beginning of something completely new.

Never give up hope.

We are all in this together.

If you would like me to deliver a talk or mental health, workplace wellbeing or suicide first aid training get in touch [email protected]