"We've only just begun"

On the evening of December 1st 1973 about 7 pm, My cousin Ken Free slipped a microphone into my hand and I started singing that sappy old Carpenters song, "We've only just begun" to that beautiful girl making her way down the aisle.. Not a dry eye in the house!! 20 minutes later it was over & our life headed off in a new direction..Cathy & were married in an old Dime store, while our church was building a new building. It was the biggest wedding ever held in that Dime store...My folks & hers were well known & lots of friends and family honored us by sharing that time together..

In hindsight, I have learned a few things & since many love marriages so much they have several in their life, I would like to share a few observations.

Life is not about the Wedding, it's about the Marriage!

We do our sons & daughters a great disservice when we plan $30 or $50,000 for a grand wedding & Grant adolescent people the right to think it's all about them alone & that wedding gives them the right to become tyrannical, self centered, egotistical, unappreciative, demanding, frivolous spendthrift's. No wonder the days after a wedding are so stressful. reality is a bummer. Wouldn't a wedding that was about giving & sharing and loving and family be soo much better?

I know it was in the last century when we got married & it was literally a dime store wedding but the whole thing from Dress to reception cost less than $1500 and we have managed to stay together.

I did an impromptu survey a few times when I was training small groups.. I asked people who had spent over $25,000 on their weddings to stand up, Then we applauded them & they sat down. Then we asked people who had been married over 20 years to stand up, we applauded. But then I asked them to sit down if their wedding cost was over $25,000 & we lost very few. Then I went to $15,000 & still lost very few & on down to $5,000. At the end of these small un scientific surveys what I found was spending money on the wedding almost worked in direct inverse proportion to staying married a long time...

Staying married & happily married are two different things. But you can't win a race you don't start & you can't win a race you don't finish, happy takes work & just staying the course is worth a lot. 

Alcohol seldom brings out the best in anyone

 Lots of folks drink, We are not among them. I'm not against drink, per se, but I do know that adolescents seldom have a good handle on discretion or control. Weddings are dicey, emotional minefields at best and can easily become slow motion train wrecks at worst..

Not a popular opinion, but adding alcohol & the bachelor & bachelorette party to alcohol & youthful celebration is like lighting a match in a gas can & wondering what went wrong?? At least have the talk & think the unthinkable, you will enjoy the wedding and the honeymoon so much better without the hangover & your wedding stories really don't need one that start with "Yea then I threw up all over...." 

We have been married 43 years today & I can honestly say, there have been a lot of really wonderful Highs & darn few Lows of our own making.

When I was dating I prayed everyday that God would give me the bride he wanted me to have. I have always believed that is one of the reasons we are a wonderfully matched pair. She is far better at almost everything than I am but she lets me enjoy her skills & good works & we have made a wonderful life stew out of the good & the bad cuts.

Just for the record I was 12 when we were married, Her family traded a couple of cows for me & that was a handsome price back then.. but that is another story.. I always liked older women!  

After 43 years I hope we may have earned some credibility & have earned the right to pass on a little advice..

Bill Cresswell was a full time assistant pastor at our church and a part time Carpet installer that I worked with for a year or so, summers & after school. I liked Bill & he was prone to try to teach me anything he could when I would stumble upon those teachable moments; 15 year olds have now & then.. I was a better flooring installer but he was a better philosopher.

One day we were eating a sack lunch under a big tree & he asked me about girls & my thoughts on them.. I’m pretty sure I was all FOR girls. He very succinctly planted a dating & marriage philosophy in my head that has stuck with me to this day.

After 43 years, I have learned a few things I like to add to Bill Cresswell’s philosophy on a happy life with a little of my own added in.

• Stay single as long as you can!
• Be honorable in your dating life & don’t treat the hearts of others lightly & don’t let others treat your heart badly.
• When you find a girl, always look at her momma, that’s her in 20 years & always look at how her mom & dad get along, that’s you in 5 years!
• When you find that right person; put off marriage as long as you can.
• When you just can’t live without that person, marry her & plan on staying married!
• Once you have married, enjoy being married & practice making babies as much as you can! Good marital sex is the mortar that holds the bricks of a marriage together.
• Put off having kids till you just can’t stand it anymore, then make a couple of really pretty babies to make you happy, then practice all you want, but focus on the ones you have.
• Love your children with all your heart but never let them come between you & your bride (I have always called Cathy my bride even today!).
• The most loving thing you can do for your kids is to love their mother.
• That was pretty racy stuff for a 15 year old back in the 60’s & maybe that’s why I remembered it.

I’m not sure I ever got to tell Bill thanks but I’m Glad Bill shared that & in no small part it has been instrumental in Cathy & I figuring out how to stay married, stay in love and stay interested in each other. I have shared this often & in some it takes & in others not so much. Weddings are easy, Marriage is hard,

I’m pleased to say that after all these years she can still get into that wedding dress and I’m also pleased that I can still get her out of it!

If you are a friend, you know we are still pretty passionate with and about each other & still love being lovers. If you aren’t, familiar with us I hope the combining of the Bill & Don philosophy and our example will help you have a long & passionate marriage.

If this makes sense to you, PLEASE pass it on, it will do my heart good to know that we have helped other have happier, stronger marriages.. If your group would like to sponsor us as speakers on Marriage, we have great seminar & would love to hear from you...

Happy Anniversary, I love you Cathy Ann (Cornett) Barrett & If those pretty blue eyes are the last thing I ever see, I will have lived a wonderful life!

don 2016

RenewtheJoy Marriage seminar

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9hg5wmXHCs