We've Got to Do This Better!
By: Dr. John C. Mrazek
In the last 2 months I have heard 3 stories of people losing their ministry jobs that broke my heart. Each of the stories were classic examples of mis-communication, unmet expectations that were not known, and broken relationships that didn’t need to happen. I am not normally a person who experiences a lot of feelings. But I’ve walked the path of the recently fired and know firsthand how much it hurts when an organization decides to push you out. If this is your current story, and you have been hurt deeply by an unnecessarily cruel exit process, I am sorry. I know that it may not be possible, but I would love to say to your previous supervisor “We’ve got to do this better!”
Let’s look at churches because I think we generally expect more compassion and grace from them because they are called to care for people as their profession. Maybe it is just me, but I do not expect a lot from the business world because it is so profit driven. During my marketplace jobs I knew that I was a small cog in a larger machine that was obsessed with making money. My sole purpose was to find ways to increase income and reduce expenses. If that meant losing a staff member or 5 to save a few dollars, we all knew that it wasn’t personal. It was just business. This is one of the biggest reason that I was glad to leave that world.
So. I don’t expect the business world to be the place where people are exited well. I know that I am painting with a broad brush and lumping good and bad companies into the same group. But. The bottom line is that the marketplace should not normally be where leaders go to look for an example of how to exit staff in a God and people honoring way. I think the church should set the bar for caring for exiting staff and have tried my best to create exiting strategies for my departing staff that were perceived by everyone as gracious and fair.
Each of the 3 stories that I heard were all from people who had recently left a ministry position. In all 3 cases the person was devastated by the way that they were cast aside and forced out of the community. One of the people was a founding member of the leadership team that had built the church from scratch. Previous to their forced exit they had been a trusted, honored, and cared for member of the church leadership team. Then, after several years and explosive growth, they were forced out. The other leaders turned away from the person as a group and they really never found out the reason for the sudden change of heart. One day they were in the group and the next day they were forced out. The shunning and total disconnect from the community was so painful that the ex-employee spent several weeks in a deep, dark depression. They are still smarting today and have actually tried to reconnect and seek understanding and forgiveness. But they have been completely rebuffed and ignored.
The second story actually made me angry because of how poorly my friend had been treated. After nearly a decade of service and countless people cared for, the church informed them that they were out by showing them an Organizational Chart without their name on it. No discussion, no planning about how to ease the person out, and no thought about how to communicate the new reality in a people and God honoring way. I met my friend for a meal and listened to the hurt and confusion leak out of them. The overwhelming emotion that they were expressing centered on pain and sadness instead of anger or bitterness. They felt discarded, dishonored, and their desire to serve in a church again was definitely tainted. Without knowing a lot of the specific reasons for their departure, I could have still come up with a way to exit them that would have offered dramatically less pain, embarrassment, and confusion.
The third story just made me shake my head. Another friend was the victim of political correctness and the lack of proper technique. The only thing that they were really sure of was that they no longer worked there. Otherwise, the rest of the situation was a mystery. Even after reading the exit documents, they were not completely sure why they had to leave. This kind of communication can be maddening because there is no easy way to understand why the situation happened. So. The person ends up wondering and hoping they will not make the same mistakes again.
If these stories had originated in the marketplace I wouldn’t have been surprised. But all 3 of these happened in a ministry setting. A place that is supposedly based on grace and powered by a desire to care for God’s people. This is why I titled this thought “We’ve got to do this better!” The way that most people leave a ministry job these days is not right and definitely not something to be proud of. I think that ministry needs to be setting the bar for how to exit a person instead of lowering it. Most businesses do a better job of communicating with an exiting employee then ministries. They also setup better severance packages then churches with enough funds to carry the person and their family until the next job is secured. Churches always seem to forget that a departing ministry professional will not receive unemployment and will need a source of income much sooner than a marketplace refugee.
What should be done? I use 5 guiding principles when I exit a person from a ministry position.
1. Will the departing person say that they were sad to leave or angry and bitter?
2. Will the other staff say that the exiting strategy was honoring, clearly communicated, and fair?
3. Would I want the church to treat me the same way when I leave?
4. Would people say that the church’s process was better than any business plan?
5. Does our exit strategy set them up to serve in a healthy way in the next ministry?
I think that if we honestly ask and answer these 5 questions (while we design an exiting process) the likelihood of the person being hurt will be drastically reduced. Of course there are situations where a person’s behavior make it impossible for the leadership to be kind or slow to act. That is different. I am talking about people who were good soldiers and for some reason their season of ministry was over. I believe that they needed to be treated kindly because they were not misbehaving or a danger to themselves or the ministry.
I know money is tight in ministry. But that should not stop us from being gracious or caring for a previously precious member of our staff as they leave. Remember, there are other staff watching and they will be making a judgement call about your leadership and culture depending on how well you treat the departing team mate. If you have to exit a person and it is tough to think objectively about the process, email me and I’d be happy to jump in and help you end their season of ministry in a people and God honoring way.
By: Dr. John C. Mrazek