We’ve Built the Fastest Relationship Killer: Technology

The Moment That Changed Everything

Years ago, I was in a meeting where we were discussing a groundbreaking building automation system that promised to revolutionize the guest experience. The concept was thrilling: hotel rooms that adjusted based on occupancy, automatically ramping up or down as needed. When a guest checked in at the front desk, the system would send a signal to their room, adjusting the temperature to their preference while they walked there. Even better, if it was a returning guest, the system could recall their preferred settings, making their stay seamless and personalized.

The excitement was electric—until one of our mechanical engineers said something that stopped the room cold:

“I hate technology.”

We all turned to her, stunned. Hate technology? In a meeting about innovation?

She continued, “Really, I do. I don’t know my team anymore. I don’t know my kids. I don’t even know my friends anymore.”

The energy in the room shifted. The conversation turned dark as we all started reflecting. Someone mentioned how, years ago, we used to gather around the water cooler, chatting about the latest episode of Beverly Hills, 90210. We weren’t just colleagues—we were connected. Now, even though we were surrounded by tools that promised connection, it felt like something essential was slipping away.

The Technology Paradox: Connection vs. Disconnection

Technology’s promise was always connection. From emails to instant messages, the internet to social media, every leap forward was meant to bring us closer. But research increasingly shows the opposite effect.

What the Data Tells Us:

1. Decline in Workplace Trust

A 2022 study by Harvard Business Review found that over 60% of employees feel less connected to their colleagues than they did three years ago. Remote work and digital communication were cited as primary reasons.

2. Diminishing Empathy

According to a University of Michigan study, there’s been a 40% decline in empathy among college students in the past two decades, much of which is linked to the rise of digital communication. If this is happening in young adults, imagine the ripple effect in workplaces.

3. The Loneliness Epidemic

Former U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy has consistently flagged loneliness as a public health crisis. While social media and digital platforms give the illusion of being connected, 36% of Americans report feeling "seriously lonely," with the number rising among those who use technology heavily for work.

The Essence: Why Are We Letting This Happen?

At the heart of the problem is our approach to technology. Instead of letting it enhance relationships, we’ve let it replace them. When was the last time you called someone instead of texting? Asked someone how they’re feeling rather than assigning tasks through a project management tool?

In high-pressure environments, where productivity often trumps everything else, it’s easy to see people as functions—cogs in a machine. Technology amplifies this by reducing communication to transactions rather than conversations.

Practical Applications: How Leaders Can Rewrite the Script

The good news? It doesn’t have to be this way. Leaders can turn technology from a relationship killer into a relationship builder. Here’s how:

1. Redefine Digital Etiquette

Teach teams when to use tools like email, chat, or video calls. For example, reserve instant messaging for urgent tasks and use video calls for nuanced discussions.

This creates clarity, reduces burnout, and fosters meaningful exchanges.

2. Embrace “High-Touch” Moments

Use tech to enhance connection, not replace it. Schedule one-on-one check-ins, ask meaningful questions, and prioritize face-to-face (or video) interactions over text.

This builds trust and emotional safety, especially in remote environments.

3. Balance Productivity with Presence

Implement tools like “Focus Fridays” or “No-Meeting Mondays” to reduce digital noise, giving teams time to connect on non-work topics.

This encourages deeper relationships and reinforces the value of human connection.

The Payoff: Stronger Teams and Deeper Loyalty

Organizations that prioritize relationships see results. Studies show that teams with high trust levels outperform low-trust teams by 50%. Employees who feel genuinely connected to their colleagues are more engaged, stay longer, and contribute more to the organization's success.

By reimagining how we use technology, leaders can foster a culture where connection thrives—even in a digital-first world.

So What, Micah?

What does this mean for you as a leader?

1. Revisit how your team uses technology. Are your tools fostering collaboration—or just efficiency?

2. Take the time to build personal relationships with your team members. It might feel like a “soft” skill, but the ROI is undeniable.

3. Model the behavior you want to see. If you prioritize connection, your team will follow.

Here’s the truth: Technology isn’t inherently bad. But left unchecked, it becomes a fast track to isolation. Leadership in the digital age isn’t about choosing between connection and productivity—it’s about finding the balance.

I’ll leave you with this: How are you using technology to strengthen relationships today? If the answer isn’t clear, it’s time to change that. After all, connection is the foundation of every great team.

References:

1. "Loneliness in the Workplace: How Companies Can Address a Growing Epidemic," Harvard Business Review, 2022.

2. "Declining Empathy Among College Students Over the Last Two Decades," University of Michigan, 2010.

3. "Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World," Dr. Vivek Murthy, 2020.