We’re Too Intense About Intensity: Why Facing Discomfort is the Key to Inner Peace

"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek."

— Joseph Campbell

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What’s wrong with the world today?

Ah — the armchair social commentator’s favorite topic. I don’t wish to join them, but I do want to point out something that might help you personally.

Ready?

So — I say we’re very, very good at being busy, we’re very good at fast-paced living. Everything from our work to our leisure is cranked up to the highest volume. We, as a culture, measure success by how busy we are, how much we’ve achieved, or how fast we’ve moved on to the next goal. Even in our downtime, there’s pressure to do more — binge-watching entire series, scrolling endlessly through social media, or filling every quiet moment with something.

It’s as though stillness and silence are things to be feared — and this is the thing. As Blaise Pascal famously wrote: "All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone."

I say we don’t know how to be with ourselves, naked, so to speak. We jump from task to task, filling every gap with something to do or some kind of entertainment, not because we love productivity or giggling at cat videos, but at least partially because we’re afraid of what might come up if we stop.

The truth is, no amount of external activity will solve the real issue: the internal chaos we’re running from.

The Chaos Within: Facing Our Inner Worlds

The chaos I talk about is the endless cycle of thoughts, worries, and unresolved emotions that swirl around inside us. These are the frustrations we can’t shake off, the guilt or shame we hold about past decisions (rightly or wrongly), and the anxieties about the future. This inner turmoil is the most significant arena we need to come to terms with, yet it’s the very thing we avoid by distracting ourselves.

We mistake doing more for living more when all it’s really doing is exhausting us. But if we don’t stop and confront that inner uncertainty and intensity, we’ll stay locked in a cycle of distraction, forever chasing satisfaction that will never arrive while we stay on the treadmill.

I say the key to lasting fulfillment and peace is learning to face our inner discomfort, to be okay with uncertainty and intensity. Life will always be intense. If we keep running, we’ll never stop. The fact is, our own minds are the source of much of this discomfort, and we simply can’t outrun something that’s attached to us.

Running from these feelings only makes them more powerful. When you choose to face the discomfort, however, you begin to realize that these intense thoughts and emotions are often paper tigers — they seem fierce, but they’re not as terrifying as they appear.

You want to learn to be okay with every part of yourself, especially when you’re alone with your thoughts and feelings. Learning to calm yourself amidst the chaos, rather than avoiding it, is one of the keys to a life well lived. Let’s explore why and how.

The Buddhist Lesson: You Can’t Control the World, But You Can Control Yourself

This brings us to a powerful lesson from spiritual philosophy. ?āntideva, an 8th-century Buddhist monk, wisely said:

"Where could I possibly find enough leather to cover the surface of the earth? But with leather soles for my own feet, it’s as though the whole world has been covered."

In other words, we can’t control the chaos around us, but we can change how we respond to it.

Life will always present difficulties, intense feelings, and challenging situations. Trying to avoid or control these external factors — whether through distractions, denial, or running away — is futile. The answer lies in learning to “put on shoes,” to equip yourself mentally and emotionally so that you can walk through life’s challenges with peace.

This is what Ascension, or a true practice of mindfulness and meditation, will teach you. They help us practice staying calm in the middle of chaos. By learning to sit with our discomfort, observe our thoughts without reacting to them, and embrace the full spectrum of our emotions, we build resilience. Over time, the intense experiences that once overwhelmed us lose their power.

Once they lose their power, you stop being uneasy in your own presence. You stop running scared. You need absolutely nothing — you are completely freed from your inner or outer world looking any particular way. You unplug from the Matrix so you can — if you wish — rawdog any part of life. Sheer minimalism at its finest.

Needing nothing, you have everything. While that might sound like some Taoist cliché, it is very true. When you can sit quietly in a room alone and be content, the world is your oyster. Unattached, you’re free as a bird, and all because you have learned to be just fine with whatever mental or emotional weather blows through, and you’ve found that presence that exists in the heart of your being and in the heart of each and every moment.

As I said, it sounds like a cliché, but it’s very real. Clichés, after all, become clichés because they are true.

The great Thich Nhat Hanh nailed it when he wrote: “If we practice mindfulness, we always have a place to be when we’re afraid.”

Choosing Your Own Adventure: Finding Balance

In this journey of learning to cope with life’s intensity, it’s important to remember that you are in control. You get to choose your own adventure. Social media is full of extreme examples, like figures such as David Goggins, who push themselves to their limits and encourage others to do the same. But that doesn’t mean you necessarily need to follow in their footsteps.

You have enough on your plate. The goal isn’t to add more intensity by setting impossible standards. Instead, it’s about finding balance. You get to decide where and when you want to stretch yourself. If you want to challenge yourself to sit with difficult emotions, or face a hard conversation, do it on your terms. Equally, if you need a moment to rest and simply be, that’s okay too. You don’t have to push yourself every day.

We’re all works in progress, and that’s perfectly fine. What’s important is that you’re moving forward, learning to cope with the inevitable discomforts of life in a way that feels authentic and sustainable for you.

Practical Steps to Face Intensity with Calm

What I would learn to do is be okay with moments where you set yourself no agenda, you hold nothing to do, and you create space and quiet in your day. Free of phones or the need to talk, just simply sitting and witnessing life spin around you.

Slowing down, even stopping — this won’t stop you from doing and getting stuff done. It’ll help you sharpen your axe. The freedom that comes from being at peace in your own skin helps everything and hinders nothing. It’s like taking the handbrake off you didn’t realize was on.

If you’re ready to stop running from discomfort and start building calm in the midst of intensity, here are a few steps you can take:

• Mindfulness Meditation: Even five minutes a day can help. Sit quietly, focus on your breath, and notice your thoughts without judgment. This practice helps you build tolerance for discomfort.

• Breathwork: When things get overwhelming, take a moment to breathe deeply. Slow, controlled breaths activate your body’s calming mechanisms.

• Journaling: Writing about your thoughts and feelings can help you process them, making them less overwhelming. Try reflecting on a recent intense moment — was it as bad as you initially thought?

• Set Boundaries on Distractions: Limit time spent on social media, online shopping, or reaching for that extra glass of wine. Notice how you feel when you sit with your emotions instead of running from them.

• Question: Ask yourself: Do you truly need something — company, to achieve, to clean, that extra box set? Or is it just habitual impulse? What if you sit with that urge for 5 minutes before making a decision?

• Find Your Balance: Choose where and when you want to push yourself. Recognize when it’s time to rest, and honor that.

Learn to Belong to Yourself

The greatest challenge isn’t in controlling the chaos of the external world — it’s in managing the chaos within. Michel de Montaigne said, "The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself."

This is the key to inner and outer peace and finding true satisfaction in life. By learning to sit quietly with yourself, to face your discomforts rather than run from them, you’ll discover a strength you didn’t know you had. Life is intense, but you don’t have to be afraid of it. You just need to stop running.

In time, you’ll realise that many of the things you once feared were just paper tigers, illusions that you gave power to because you ran. The real peace lies in knowing that you can cope with whatever life throws your way.

Give it a shot, and tell me what you find.

Go well,

Arjuna

PS.

There's only a few weeks left to grab your seat to learn a beautifully simple and yet powerful means to not only disconnect from any attachment or need, but get that lovely feeling of facing uncertainty without feeling lost in it — much like viewing a storm come across the valley while you’re warm and dry inside your sanctuary.

The Ishayas’ Ascension course is running very soon.

We run 25-27 October (7pm start), and it’d be great to have you if you’d like to come.

If you want more details, just let me know, and I’ll get those through to you.

Remember too – it’s free to repeat forever. A reminder could be just the thing for you right now.

Talk soon!