We're Told to Ignore Big Feelings. But Here's What's Wrong with That.

In the Arena is LinkedIn News’ weekly human potential podcast. In this community, we’re learning how to improve our world by transforming ourselves. Join me in conversations about how to show up daily to live an even more meaningful life at work, at home, everywhere.

When in your life did you start to accept a part of yourself that for a long time, you tried to avoid or try to pretend didn't exist?

Bestselling author and illustrator, Liz Fosslien asked me to consider that question before we kicked off our conversation about Big Feelings.

When I initially started studying psychology and emotional intelligence, I was shocked to learn that the feelings we don’t investigate and express (in some way) stay with us. And they can hurt us. From misplaced outbursts of anger to aches and pains in the body, we carry what we don’t acknowledge.

So choosing not to tell your partner that they said something hurtful today, could mean blowing up unexpectedly over dish duty or pre-school pickups tomorrow.?

As someone who has historically disliked conflict and loves control, Liz's question and the experience of hiding emotion resonated. And I could see examples in my own life of how not addressing a challenge in a personal or work relationship showed up somewhere else. Or it left me anxious and playing out arguments in my mind with the other person, unbeknownst to them. Ultimately, not addressing my feelings has put a strain on relationships.

Liz studies and shares how we can benefit from acknowledging our emotions at work (and everywhere else). Even when we want to hide them. Especially when we want to hide them. And her upcoming book, Big Feelings is about accepting the more difficult feelings you have likely had in the last few years.

Why? Because what we don't accept about ourselves controls us. The end goal in this process is freedom.

Here are the 7 Big Feelings & What They Might Sound Like

Uncertainty: “I don’t know what’s coming and I can’t control it. I feel uneasy.”

Comparison: “They have what I want, so they must be better than me. Oh, and I’m not good enough to have that anyway.”?

Anger: “Something unjust is happening. I’m full of rage about it...and there might be some pain too.”

Burnout: “I’m stressed and exhausted. I don't have the energy to meet the expectations people have of me right now. And it's hard for me to care.”?

Perfectionism: “This isn’t perfect enough yet. And I can’t let anything be wrong. Someone might judge me.”

Despair: “I can’t seem to find an ounce of hope anywhere I look.”

Regret: “I wish I’d done that differently. And it kind of sucks.”

Topics From In the Arena

• How do we work with big feelings??
• What’s the best strategy to combat uncertainty??
• What helps us stay courageous enough to try something new and daunting (work projects, hobbies, side hustles, with our kids)??

Hear her responses here.

Post-it worthy quotes?from Liz

“In social media, you’re hearing about someone’s highlight reel. So even if someone says, 'in the last 6 months I read 40 books' that might be true. But they probably won’t tell you that they also cried themselves to sleep every night. That puts it into perspective. No one’s life is glamorous all the time.”?

“Perfection is completely unrealistic…and it makes you less able to have close relationships with your friends, your coworkers, your family. Because it’s just not relatable.”?

Until next time...which of the 7 big feelings do you experience most? And what might change for you if you acknowledged that big feeling?

See you next week!