We’re all Spies…

We're all Spies...Coming in from the Cold and Tales of Trust, Belonging, and Safety

Recently, I had dinner with a new friend…who, in a past life, just happened to be a spy.

Needless to say, it made for an interesting evening.

He lived a life of intrigue and secrets, having to hide who he really was and what he really did from others.

Initially, I thought what a difficult way that must be to live.? But then it hit me…in ways both big and small, isn’t that what most of us do.

Every day we go to work with secrets we don’t share.

For some, it’s simply a matter of privacy, but for others, it’s done out of fear of retribution or what others might think, and not unlike my friend, a concern for personal safety.

Whatever the reason, while this friend’s previous profession was far more dangerous than ours (I hope), in some ways, it was also similar.

Putting aside the sometimes-life-threatening adrenaline rush he experienced, there was another relevant difference between our worlds and his, before he entered into this clandestine existence, the powers that be made sure that he was well-trained and well-prepared for the challenges he faced.

I don’t know about you, but that was most certainly not the case for me when I began my career or in many of the jobs that followed.

I didn’t know how to manage the daily troubles of internal politics, difficult bosses, and the countless other things that eventually went into creating those walls to help us hide.

Most of us enter jobs with high expectations and the best of intentions…as well as minimal clarity or direction.

To make matters worse we often have to deal with less-than-great managers, who like the rest of us never received proper training …which could, at times, can create difficult situations for the people who work with them.

Very early in my career, I had a brief stint with a company that I left within a year after continually going home sick from stress due to a very bad boss.?

When I finally made the difficult decision to quit, the HR person apologized to me, because she/they knew (as is usually the case) that this person should not have been managing anyone.

In a career that’s ranged continents and sectors, the one thing I’m now more confident of than ever is that our faulty operating systems (a favorite topic :) and deeply ingrained flight or fight response can make for some unnecessarily challenging work environments.

If companies aren’t intentional and diligent in developing and maintaining cultures that support staff, people will leave (like I did), or worse yet, they’ll stay, shut down, and do the bare minimum.

One of the best quotes I’ve heard on the subject was from Atul Gawande on an Adam Grant podcast.? He said, “The culture of an organization is the worst behavior you tolerate.”?

When companies tolerate bad behaviors and cultures feel unsafe, it can cause their people to become “spies”, often hiding what may be the best parts of who they are.

Everyone loses.

While being a spy may sound exciting and glamorous, as my friend pointed out, it’s not something you can do for a long time.

Continually hiding has an impact.

It can be a very lonely way to live.

It can also lead to a loss of self-efficacy and relatedly, a sense of learned helplessness.

Nobody is born wanting to give up.

In fact, most of us truly want to be able to show up, give our all, and be our best.

But over time, those who lack the resources (internal and/or external) can begin to forget all the promises they started with as the hiding begins.

So how do organizations become places where people can be more authentically themselves (within reason, of course :) and realize their potential?

It starts with trust, safety, and belonging.

It’s an ongoing process that requires intentionality, continuous evaluation, and adaptation.

But by implementing some or all of the actions below, companies can cultivate cultures where individuals can thrive, be authentic, and contribute their best.

The Spy Who Came in From the Cold

1.???????? Foster Inclusive Policies and Practices: This includes establishing and promoting policies that support diversity, equity, and inclusion. Implementing fair hiring practices, that provide equal opportunities for growth and development, and ensuring that all employees are treated with respect and dignity.

2.???????? Encourage Open Communication: Open and transparent communication channels are crucial for building trust within an organization. Employees need the ability to express their thoughts, ideas, and concerns openly without fear of retribution.

Additionally, regular updates need to be shared about relevant changes that could impact them to keep staff informed and engaged. Trust me, one way or another people will find out and it’s better that they are provided accurate information from the source than internal gossip.

3.???????? Lead by Example: Leaders play a vital role in shaping organizational culture. They should embody the values of trust, authenticity, and belonging and model the behavior they expect from others.

Encourage leaders to be accessible, approachable, and transparent in their communication. When leaders demonstrate vulnerability, empathy, and respect, it creates a culture where employees feel comfortable being their authentic selves.

4.???????? Provide Diversity and Inclusion Training: Offer training programs to help educate employees about unconscious biases, stereotypes, and systemic issues that may impact inclusivity.

These programs should focus on promoting empathy, understanding, and cultural competence. By raising awareness and providing tools to navigate diversity and inclusion challenges, organizations can promote a more inclusive and accepting culture.

5.???????? Celebrate and Value Differences: Celebrate and appreciate the diversity of backgrounds, perspectives, and experiences. Organize events or initiatives that highlight different cultures, traditions, and identities that allow people to share and learn from one another. By valuing and embracing differences, companies can create a sense of belonging for all employees.

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