Wellness Wednesday: Self-Identity Crisis

A moment of self-reflection was shared in the 10/19/20 edition of “Mental Health Monday” with the intention of revealing aspects of my own self-examination to encourage others in their journeys. The process of self-actualization has always been included on different levels of intensity throughout my story and most recently became magnified once again as I have pursued efforts to “brand” myself in hopes of better serving those in my field. Chris’ process has exposed my vulnerabilities while also emphasizing my strengths in developing the best combination of both to maximize my potential. Unexpectedly, the Yoda-like methods/guidance of Chris Power-Gomez revealed to me an additional area needing improvement to ensure I remain most effective when helping others. The area that has been identified as a potential weakness is what I term “aesthetic verbiage”. LOL! I use this completely fictional phrase (I think) to emphasize my primary weakness/tendency of hiding behind the intellectualizing of information rather than simply expressing my raw thoughts (for many reasons) to most effectively connect with those that I’m passionate about serving.

I have come to realize that my intellectualizing was a defense mechanism I used for many years to distract from my own dysfunction that was exasperated by an active addiction. I was so concerned about others discovering my addiction that I put extensive effort into my physical appearance and professional communication to distract from the level of unhealthiness that was my reality. I am gratefully in recovery today while still “cleaning up” remnants of the destruction I created. Although I value words and their meaning as I believe them to be crucial in clear communication, I have come to realize the importance of focusing on that aspect ONLY to better communicate rather than in defense of insecurities. I am so appreciative of Chris’ process and all the areas it has exposed with room for improvement as a husband, father, friend and professional!

With that said, I have been thinking a lot about self-identity and how we ALL struggle with it at some point while MANY are left chasing answers most of their lives. I wanted to offer some insight as to what exactly is “self-identity” and how to realize it. My hope is that the below highlights and/or the full article will provide a road map of sorts for those that are still questioning related areas in their lives. I am certain that your persistence in pursuing answers in cooperation with solid mentoring from the “Yoda” in your life will inevitably serve the world well! Thank you for putting in the work!

Identity Defined

• "Identity encompasses the memories, experiences, relationships, and values that create one’s sense of self".
• "People who are overly concerned with the impression they make, or who feel a core aspect of themselves, such as gender or sexuality, is not being expressed, can struggle acutely with their identity".
• "Identity formation involves three key tasks: 1) Discovering and developing one’s potential, 2) choosing one’s purpose in life, and 3) finding opportunities to exercise that potential and purpose".
•  For adolescents "Experimentation is an important part of the process; As teens try on different identities—in terms of friends, hobbies, appearance, gender, and sexuality—they come to understand who they are and who they want to be".

Mission "Be Authentic"

• "Acting in accordance with one's core self—a trait called self-determination—is ranked by some experts as one of three basic psychological needs, along with competence and a sense of relatedness".
• "The decision to examine or challenge conventions and expectations, even though it’s difficult, is the first step to living more authentically".
• "People may cultivate their online avatar more and more carefully over time, and the virtual self can influence the perception of the real self". 

Theories of Identity

• Erik Erikson's "Identity versus Role Confusion" suggested that "Role confusion pertains to the inability to commit to one path. Adolescents then go through a period of experimentation before committing, reconciling the pieces of their identity, and emerging into adulthood".
• "As a person grows older, the overall trend is toward identity achievement. But major life upheavals, such as divorce, retirement, or the death of a loved one, often lead people to explore and redefine their identities".
• According to Erikson, "The ego identity helps to merge all the different versions of oneself (the parent self, the career self, the sexual self) into one cohesive whole, so that if disaster strikes, there's a stable sense of self".
• Sigmund Freud proposed that "...the mind was composed of the id, driven by instinct and desire, the superego, driven by morality and values, and the ego which moderates the two and creates one's identity".
• "Henri Tajfel's research was the basis for Social Identity Theory—that self-esteem is in part derived from the group membership (even if in accordance with preferences to artwork), which provides pride and social identity".