Well, That Was Dumb!

I was taking a walk the other day. I was listening to a podcast, so I had my Airpods in. And the weather had turned a bit crisp, so I was trying to put a gaiter/scarf over my head while I walked. This involved some wrestling with the scarf to get the hair tucked in and keep the Airpods in place. I didn’t even think about my malachite earrings, which had a loop hook rather than a stud fastener. At home a couple of hours later, I put my hand up to one ear and realized the earring was gone. “Oh no! That was dumb. Why didn’t I think about that?”

I went to bed that night and slept for ten hours. When I woke up in the morning, I realized why I didn’t “think about that.” I was exhausted. I’ve started to realize that when I drop balls or forget things, it’s usually because I’m out of margin, energy, or both. I probably need to sleep more, eat better, or just generally have a break. And that’s a kinder response than calling myself an idiot.

While a lost earring is a trivial example, the principle applies pretty broadly, especially in this post-pandemic season of life. Most of us, if we’re not quite out of margin, are pretty close. High stress and low margin lead to brain fog, which directly affects performance.

People who usually manage life well may not when they are overstressed. For example, one young missionary was not coping well. It had gotten so bad that his wife didn’t let him watch their small children after one toddler wandered toward the railroad track, because he wasn’t focused enough to keep them safe. The family went into counseling on furlough (@Link Care Center). They discovered the husband had undiagnosed ADHD. Normally, he did pretty well. But family stress, culture stress, and a houseful of small children had taxed him to the point where he wasn’t really functional. Once some of the other issues were addressed and he had acknowledged the disability, he started functioning again.

We don’t always realize how precariously balanced we are. The last 20 hours of a 70-hour work week may be essentially ineffective. Chronic pain affects brain function. Pregnancy cause brain fog and a performance drop. A sinus infection can take out 20 points of your IQ. Lack of sleep can impair you as much as drinking alcohol. Grief over the death of a family member can have a profound affect for many months.

But isn’t God expecting—even demanding—super high performance from us? After all, he is perfect! For the compulsive over-achievers, consider passages like, “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.” (Psalm 127: 1-2, ESV). Or what Jesus said, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30, ESV). It seems that some of what we rush around doing isn’t exactly part of his plan.

I’m still learning what God’s rest means in my life, but it often means that I’ve grabbed a lot of responsibility that he didn’t intend to give me, and the demands I’m trying to fulfill didn’t actually come from him. Sometimes, I get confused about which one of us is supposed to be perfect.

So how do we respond, for ourselves and for others? First, treat the “dumb things” as warning signs that changes need to be made, large or small. For instance, if we’re worn out, we may need to leave work at 5:00 or stop scheduling early morning appointments so we can sleep. I had a two-month period where I was sleeping 8-10 hours a night until I finally “caught up” and went back to a more normal sleep schedule. That may have saved me from burnout.

Or we may need counseling to deal with underlying causes of stress, like grief or relational stress or disability. One curious thing I’ve noticed is that denial of problems itself takes an enormous amount of energy. Sometimes, acknowledging the problem and its impact (like the young man with ADHD) frees up so much psychic energy that the person starts functioning much better.

Or we may need to consider if our life is working for us. Studies show that efficiency declines drastically after about a 55-hour work week. Why would a young attorney working 70 hours a week, week after week, expect that to go well? Why would a pregnant woman with small children and a full-time job expect juggling those to go smoothly? Sometimes the answer is just that we are trying to do way more than anyone could reasonably expect.

And what if we just push through? Things will get better on their own someday. Or will they? Burnout has several stages, and the last one is very difficult to come back from. (Check out a great podcast on this.) https://themodelhealthshow.com/neha-sangwan/ . The young missionary almost destroyed his marriage and lost a child. A young attorney I knew worked so hard over a period of time that she had adrenal burnout, was seriously ill for two years, and was told she’d never practice law again. Coping mechanisms that aren’t healthy lead to high substance abuse among attorneys. And even though those are among the worst-case outcomes, why do we want to live with parched and overstressed spirits when Jesus has invited us to rest?

When the dumb things happen, let’s show kindness to ourselves. And to our employees and families, who may need more support, help thinking through the issues of margin in their lives, or less on their plates. God has something better for us. And by the way—I went back over part of my walk with the morning sun shining on the gravel and found the earring. That was a small kindness I was grateful for!