Well-Being Wednesday: How To Ask For & Accept Help

There are few feelings of accomplishment quite as satisfying as quickly (and easily) checking items off your to-do list. To know that you're conquering tasks large and small, near and far, is amazing until something pops up and impedes your progress.

Maybe it's a frustrating email from a supervisor, or you have a difficult problem with a colleague and don't know the next best step. In situations like this, you'll benefit most from asking for help. This doesn't mean you're incompetent, it simply shows that you recognize another perspective or skillset could support you.

Because we are filled with a sense of individuality and control when we're able to problem-solve on our own, we often resist the help of others when we truly need it. Being overly independent is a route that can incidentally lead us to feel isolated and down. On the contrary, opening yourself up to collaborating with others and receiving help can give you the different perspective you need. Support can come from anywhere: a friend, a conversation with a mentor (remember our last newsletter? ??), a counselor, or another helping professional.

Here are some myth-busting assumptions about asking for help:

• You may feel that you look incapable when asking for help, but you really look self-aware and thorough.
• Resisting when someone offers assistance or advice when you need it can come across as prideful, cold, and unfriendly.
• Receiving help doesn't mean you will owe someone a favor in the future. Kindness comes with no obligation.
• As impressive as it might be, no one expects you to go about life or work alone as a precursor to being viewed as successful.
• Whether from a friend or a stranger, getting advice or assistance can help foster stronger, more impactful relationships.

It can be hard to challenge our brain's hardwired uneasiness with asking for help. Whether we feel we will lose some control, come off as needy, or fear being rejected, here are a few strategies to ask for and accept help from others.

1. Start Small - You wouldn't go to the gym and pick up the heaviest weight right away. We all need to warm up and build our strength. Just like a muscle, exercise asking for help by starting with a smaller task. Instead of asking for help from the department chair, maybe ask a peer if they can support first. This smaller act might build confidence in a larger ask for help, as well as have the added value of building a sense of community on your team.
2. Reframe The Ask - Instead of making our asks a perceived transaction, make it a conversation. Instead of saying, "Can you help me with . . ." try, "I've got a problem I could really use your help on. Let's talk it through and see what we can come up with together." Not only does that feel more respectful to the recipient, but it also allows you to develop a deeper connection with the person who you're asking for help.
3. Build A Team - Reflect on who can be your support team for a variety of challenges. Keep this list handy and be ready to act when the next challenge arises.

Finally, remember even the best get outside help! If not, we wouldn't have vice presidents, understudies on Broadway, or assistant coaches in sports. Go ahead. Try it next time you’re stuck and reach out.

Be well & thrive!

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