Well-being: decorating your new room
Dr Anne Duguid
First, find beauty in little places. Second, of course my views are my own, who else's would they be? Chartered Psychologist specialist in trauma and finding resolutions to difficult negotiations
After 4 days of whinging that 'I'm ill!' to anyone who would listen, I am finally beginning to feel human once again.
But my time of excessive mucus, mumpiness, and general 'pity me, for I am poorly' attitude, got me thinking about health and well-being generally - how we take it for granted.
It’s easy when things are ticking along to think about, ‘oh I’d quite like to improve this/take up that/do more of the other’ but when we are are in midst of significant health change, well, it’s too late.
Now, for sure having a cold is a minor inconvenience* when compared to a chronic condition: that, is life changing.
But that’s the thing, changes to well-being come in 2 forms: one is change you get to choose; the other is change that is forced upon you. One feels like you have control; the other that you’ve had control taken away. One feels life enhancing; the other feels like loss.
I often view well-being as a door - when we are healthy we can choose to peak into new rooms, to explore, try out the furniture, always with the possibility that we can leave later should we decide; with ill health, that door is bolted forever, we now have to stay in our new surroundings.
When I’ve worked with clients who have chronic, physically based conditions - to name but a few ADHD, to eczema, to Sickle Cell, to Dementia, to migraine, to fertility issues, to allergies - they all have experienced significant, associated emotional cost - guilt, shame, anger, frustration, sadness, identity change.
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Having to come to terms with limits on how they define themselves, how they move in their worlds, dealing with pain that can seem unrelenting - this involves a particular type of work that is about stabilizing new definitions.
They have to learn to stop battering on the door, trying to return to their previous room. They have to learn to decorate their new room. They have to learn that fighting their body, is pointless - they are their body, their body is them - they are the new room. It takes time, tears, rage, and patience.
I’ve seen miraculous change - clients who have significantly reduced hospital rates of admission; fewer acute flare-ups; less medications; and yes, babies being born safely - all because they’ve made peace with themselves and their new self.
Well-being is ultimately about finding a form of balance where you are at, even if you didn’t choose to be there.
Helping you shout out #myfreedomtothrive
*although when you have asthma like me, chest infections are no joke; my breathing sounded like the rattling bones on some Scooby Doo skeleton (I passed my time in bed watching back to back Scooby Doo cartoons 'okaaarrry drrrr rranne)
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2 年Glad to hear you are on the mend Dr Anne. You have a great approach to illness and coming to terms with those changes. I've been fortunate to be healthy my whole life. I credit my mother for that, even though she had to deal with crippling arthritis from her early 40's until she passed at 85. It is so much about mindset. What I found amazing about her, was that she accepted that it would never go away, but she didn't stop living. In her 60's she learned to be a film-maker and did documentaries on local musicians in her community. She continued to play the piano even though it meant she couldn't move her hands for days afterward, and she made sure she had the chance to dance with her life-long friends at her 80th birthday. I've never met a woman with more courage than my mother. It changed her being from a self-centered, beautiful young woman, to a wise, courageous, strong madam that everyone loved. I believe we all get the challenges we need to help us to find our true selves.
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2 年Great post Dr Anne - Chartered Psychologist ??