Welcome to Your Own Personal Chemistry Set

Did you have a chemistry set as a child? Did you wonder which brightly coloured chemicals to mix together to create, or avoid, an explosion - or trigger other interesting reactions?

In case you didn’t already know, you are your own 24/7 chemistry set. Your whole body is a chemical factory. And by chemicals, I mean emotions.

Emotions – electrochemical signals – are here to help. They keep you alert and aid you in navigating the many decisions you face every day. Emotions work hard to protect you and help you survive.

It’s just that sometimes, your emotions can cause you to react – just like the chemicals in the chemistry set.

What’s the Data?

The reaction happens when you fail to engage your thinking brain. Your thinking brain allows you to identify the emotions and investigate their intent.

What are the two emotions that most frequently derail you at work? If you’re like the thousands of leaders who’ve answered that question in the past, it’s probably fear and anger.

Imagine the fear as a chemical flowing through you. How is it trying to help and protect you? When you recognize the emotion as fear, it’s time to figuratively step away from your internal chemistry set and engage your thinking brain.

Get curious. The fear is probably warning you that you might:

• Fail
• Be disliked or unpopular
• Annoy or upset someone – or trigger a strong emotion in them
• Be rejected
• Be judged
• Be ridiculed
• Be abandoned
• Make a mistake

And many other things besides.

Emotions contain data. You need to engage your cognitive skills to figure out what’s important.

Analyze the Data

Staying with your thinking brain, it’s time to analyze the veracity of those statements. Just taking the fear of failing, you could query:

• What is the worst thing that would happen if I do fail?
• What is the fallout from taking a first step? (Could I dramatically fail by taking that one step, or are there multiple steps on the road to failure – and if so, can I course correct as I move ahead?)
• How can I take steps to prevent the likelihood of failing?
• Is there a skill I don’t have here (and if yes, who do I know who has it or how can I develop that skill myself?)
• Who can I seek support from?
• What can I change in my habits to ensure I succeed?

And many other questions.

This is a matter of a few seconds. If it doesn’t appear to be the case now, you can train your brain to handle the fear in a few seconds.

Then you can respond, purposefully, rather than reacting automatically.

Can you Pack Away the Chemistry Set?

You can’t pack away your chemistry set. You are the chemistry set.

The chemicals will always be there. Just as the chemicals aren’t good or bad of themselves, emotions are not good or bad of themselves. It’s what you do with your emotions that counts. Remember, your emotions are aiming to help you. It’s your job to use your thinking brain and determine how.

Rather than ignoring the chemicals streaming through your body, you can tune into their messages.

Ask yourself: What is the data they are carrying? And how can I best use it?

Have fun in the process. The more interested and aware you are in what's going on with those chemicals/emotions, the more likely you are to pause and use the data more purposefully.

Andrea Stone is a leadership and team coach, grounding her engagements and interventions in EQ - the ingredient that differentiates star performers from average performers at senior management levels. Andrea is a Preferred Partner of Six Seconds in India.

If you are curious about understanding the power of practicing emotional intelligence, reach out to me or connect with Six Seconds at https://www.6seconds.org/about/contact/ - world leaders in EQ assessments and research. Six seconds is a not for profit that provides the added bonus of supporting the educational sector with EQ tools, assessments and support.

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? Andrea Stone, Stone Leadership Coaching and Consulting Pvt. Ltd.