Welcome to "The Show"

You know, folks, we're two weeks out from the annual Global Pet Expo in Orlando, Florida, and to paraphrase the great Dennis Miller, "I don't want to go off on a rant here..." but some of our priorities in the pet industry seem to be swirling faster than a Shih Tzu in a wind tunnel.

Yeah, yeah, I get it. It's the time for your company to strut its stuff, debut shiny new products, and rub elbows with buyers from Boise to Bangkok. Sure, you'll unveil the latest "innovations" alongside commercials, ads, and swag - because, hey, who doesn't need yet another tote bag clogging up their car trunk?

But here's the rub: There are thousands of exhibitors spread across an expo hall roughly the size of the Mall of America. With that many booths and that much real estate, you practically need GPS to find your own shoelaces. Companies will deploy flashing motorized signs to dot the ceiling like UFOs. They'll trot out puppies, kittens, and even the occasional rent-a-model parading through the aisles like they're leading a Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. Some will offer free coffee, soda, or even alcohol as a Hail Mary pass to lure you in. And yes, there will be more candy, plush toys, and trinkets than a carnival midway. Let's not forget the sample bonanza - you'd think we were auditioning for "Supermarket Sweep."

And, oh, the costs! A mid-sized company will drop close to $100,000 on Global. The big dogs? They'll shell out around $250,000. Don't believe me? Just gawk at the palatial booths from Purina, Mars, Blue Buffalo, and Hills. Smaller, scrappier brands? You're still coughing up about $40,000 just to set up shop. Here's how it breaks down:

• Booth Space: $13,000
• Booth Design/Construction: $35,000
• Graphics: $10,000
• Furniture Rental: $3,500
• Utilities/Web Access: $1,500
• Shipping/Drayage: $6,000
• Labor (Orlando convention union rates): $6,000
• Promos/Materials: $5,000
• Freight/Drayage (again, because nothing moves cheap): $500-$3,500
• Food/Entertainment (dinner, drinks, and diversions): $300/day
• Lodging: $800
• Airfare: $200/person

So, for about $100K, you get a shot at turning your booth into Times Square and hopefully scoring a new distributor, customer, or maybe even the coveted "Best in Show" booth bragging rights. Good for you!

But here's where my spleen really starts venting: Companies will burn hundreds of thousands on this marketing circus but can't seem to scrape together a few grand for product validation! Digestibility trials? Nutrient analyses? Crickets. For about $6,000 - yes, that's six grand folks - you can run both a nutrient profile and digestibility trial for a product. That's less than one lousy booth setup! Even if you had 50 completely unique product lines, it would cost you less than $300K to ensure your product actually delivers what you claim. Yet some companies would rather spend that cash convincing you their kibble cures cancer with a well-placed puppy photo.

You know what else you'll hear on the floor? Marketing mumbo jumbo wrapped in a bow of pseudoscience. "We started our brand because my dog got sick on kibble!" Oh yeah? What illness? How was it resolved? Got any actual data or just a heartwarming story that sells better than Hallmark at Christmas?

"Our fresh/frozen/raw diet will make your dog live longer!" Sure, and my neighbor's parrot tells fortunes. Show me some numbers that back that up.

"Your dog's coat will be shinier than a greased bowling ball!" Great! So what's your sulfur amino acid content? Any methionine or cystine levels handy? Thought not.

"Your dog's poop will shrink down to Tic Tac-sized nuggets!" Unless you've run a digestibility test, that's just wishful thinking. Bio-availability and total digestibility aren't things you can just guesstimate between cocktail hours.

"Our new, improved, super-sustainable food is a game-changer!" Oh, really? Then why are you still selling the old formula if this one's so much better? Show me the nutrient data (old versus new) or else I call BS!

Here's my request: As you stroll through the expo hall (by the way, I'm guessing 14 miles on your Apple Watch) start asking companies if they have their nutritional data on hand. Brace yourself for the tap dance: "It's proprietary." "We meet AAFCO guidelines." Or my personal favorite, "We're WASAVA compliant!" (Newsflash: That’s not a thing.)

Ask the tough questions. "Why is this kibble better than that one? What makes yours stand out nutritionally?" Don't let a glossy brochure blindfold you. Because if you do, you won't just be hurting your wallet—you'll be letting down the pets you claim to serve.

I'm not as smart or witty as Dennis Miller but I do love his style. While I tried to emulate him with this article, my hope is that you see the point and see through the marketing. As retailers, distributors and consumers, your voices are the only ones that can drive change. Don't be afraid to use them. Then again, that's my opinion...I could be wrong!