Welcome to Paradise: My Horribly Non-PC summation of 2022. What's yours?

It’s this time of the year in my paradise of the Free State of Florida (FSOF). The first sign that winter is here is NOT the weather which is as balmy, humid and wonderful as ever. Instead, it is the scene of people wandering around in a parking area next to Whole Foods looking totally lost as they search for their cars.

The snowflakes have arrived. I don’t know who first started calling them snowbirds, but this is totally wrong. Birds in winter migrate down to Mexico. Those coming to my FSOF are flakes buying all the water in Costco because someone told them we run out of water when a Hurricane approach which is true, but forgot to tell them, maybe deliberately, that there are no hurricanes in January.

Snowflakes are just one of the signs. We also get tourists. Around this time, my town of around 80K people swells to 1.5 million. It is easy to distinguish between snowflakes who live in FSOF for 4-6 months and tourists who visit here for two weeks. The latter group is from Quebec. The former group clogs the doctors’ offices and makes a mockery of the “early bird dinner special” by pushing it to 1 pm. ?The tourists are young, come bundled with 3-4 kids, go short-sleeved in 60? F because it is soooo warm, and exit Costco with the large flatbed trollies holding 400 beer cases. ?The snowflakes’ average age is 264 and you know, they buy water. I am an old man myself, but I can walk faster than they drive.

I feel sorry for the snowflakes. Despite religiously voting for “the sky is falling” climate initiatives in their insane states, the winter there apparently can still be brutal, so they have to migrate south. I don’t understand how their Democrat governors can’t uphold their right to 75F? year-round. Is it too much to ask as they shiver under the windmills and solar panels in NJ, NY, MA, or CT? But they come to the right place in FSOF. We run our A/C 24/7, 365 days, absolutely without solar panels even though sunny days are here 240 days.

Advice to northern thinking of migrating to FL as “snowbirds”

We love our snowflakes. They pay property taxes all year long but only stay for a few months. They pay for our fire and police services. We welcome them with open arms and try not to run over them as they wander around the parking lots. When they leave, my town feels so spacious all of a sudden.

My prediction is that as the anti-fossil-fuel snake-oil salesmen in Blue states get re-elected repeatedly by 99.99% majority reminiscent of Russian elections, eventually half of NY and CA will move to FSOF. The remaining half will pay 179% of their income in taxes and be allowed to charge their EV only on days starting with 3 in every month. They’ll also see their doctors only after the doctors have gone through re-education camps. It’s OK with me. I just hope the half that moves here permanently is escaping not exporting the “Progressive” Inquisition that threatens to be “alert and aware” of any offense of disagreeing with their tolerant policies. So far, the influx of northerners seeking political asylum here allowed Republicans to flip even Palm Beach County for the first time since the revolution. As DeSantis rightly claimed, Woke comes here to die (literally and figuratively).

Now if you excuse me, I have to go and help the poor soul who is looking hopelessly for his Oldsmobile.

My very personal and horribly non-PC summary of 2022?

1. Best book I read– Dave Barry, Lessons from Lucy. The guy is my brother from a different mother and a different father and a different land. But still. Highly, highly recommended.
2. Best small misstep for a billionaire, a giant step for freedom- Elon Musk taking over Twitter.
3. The bravest person of 2022: Matt Walsh asking a transgender to define “a woman.”
4. Most ridiculous woke demonstration: Calling James Cameron (Avatar2’s director) racist for “cultural appropriation.” Need lithium?
5. Most dreadful demonstration of magical thinking: Biden’s Inflation Reduction Act.
6. The lamest excuse for being an antisemite: “I am not antisemite I am anti-Zionist”, followed by “Jews control the world.”
7. Worst curse of 2022: May your kid be accepted to Hamline college.
8. Best events ending 2022: Messi taking home the World Championship, and Republicans taking home the House. The former is controversial. The latter, oh joy to the world, can’t be denied even if the other side is dying to deny it.
9. Best paraphrase of Sarah Palin’s famous “I see Russia from here” line: Kamala Harris on the border: I can see it from here (DC). It looks secure.
10. Most dangerous risks to democracy: Australia, New Zealand, California and Michigan’s totalitarian response to COVID. Ah, yes, and maybe China but the CCP doesn’t pretend to be a democracy.
11. My wish list: Can the moronic environmentalists gluing themselves to priceless paintings do the same to Trump’s NFT?

1. Best CI development of the year: eh… hmmm.. Next!

?

May 2023 be better for my loyal readers. Or at least, not worse. Amen