Welcome to the BetterMen Bulletin
Dan Stanley
Performance coach working exclusively and discreetly with men in high pressure roles. Founder of BetterMen, author of Rethinking Masculinity, facilitator of Men & Mountains.
For many men, we fall into traps of our own making. We spend years, and in some cases, decades, pursuing the wrong rewards—only to experience the side effects of success: time poverty, loneliness, poor health, midlife crisis, and divorce.
My monthly Bulletin is for men asking bigger questions, about themselves and their lives. If you’ve arrived at a place, or feeling you’re heading toward it, where the pursuits of your younger years no longer feel meaningful or satisfying, my monthly Bulletin, which includes a range of resources relating to all things men, mindset and success is for you.
Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.??
This month’s quote theme is:?A Call to Middle-Aged Men to Rethink Masculinity for the Next Generation.
Many men journey through life believing their masculinity is something they must constantly prove, something so fragile that it can be lost with a single misstep, or at risk of being seen as weak if they show vulnerability. This fear shapes how men talk, walk, dress, and even how they express their personal and collective emotions.?
Masculinity is at a crossroads, the one-dimensional blueprint handed down by previous generations is unfit for purpose. As a result, many men suppress qualities like: compassion, tenderness, and emotional intelligence, fearing these traits will diminish their masculinity. Instead, they adopt hypermasculine behaviours: control, emotional isolation, and even neglecting their own well-being. The cost? Strained relationships, mental health struggles, and a version of manhood that traps men in fear rather than true strength.?
Middle-aged men are in a powerful position to change this. We’ve lived long enough to see the damage of unhealthy, dysfunctional masculinity (something I write about in more depth in Rethinking Masculinity), and we owe it to the next generation to redefine what it truly means to be a man. If we want healthier sons, stronger relationships and a better society, we, today’s middle-aged men must model a masculinity that is secure, resilient, and whole. This starts with us; let’s step up, redefine the narrative, and show the world that a real man is not afraid to embrace his full self.?
Consider and reflect, using the quotes below, on how you show up as a man:
Following on from the theme above, give yourself a gift; sit down, take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.?
This month’s prompt theme is: The Overlooked Key to Success, Your Physical Energy.
You’re busy. You’ve got responsibilities. You’re juggling work, family, and the never-ending to-do list. But let’s be honest, how often do you think about your physical energy? Not just fitness or body weight, but the real lifeforce energy that fuels your day, your life??
Here’s the truth: success isn’t just about innovative ideas, years of hardship or outworking everyone else, it’s much more nuanced, but without the physical stamina to sustain you, even the smartest strategies and best-laid plans will eventually fall apart.?
Most men neglect their bodies for years, running on caffeine, convenience food, and too little sleep. The result? A slow, silent erosion of energy. You wake up tired, rely on willpower to push through, and wonder why burnout looms in the background, or worse, you arrive at a place where you feel work gets the best of you and your family gets what’s left of you. The good news… You don’t need to overhaul your life. Small, simple (atomic) habits can make a significant difference, think: getting quality sleep, eating real food, moving more, enjoying the connection with others, and working with, not against, your natural energy rhythms.?
Think of your body, and its energy as the foundation of your success. When you take care of it, you don’t just survive the day, you optimise your life and move closer to performing at your best. Bottomline, more energy means better decisions, sharper thinking, and the stamina to keep winning.?
Take a moment to consider how well you care for yourself by answering or reflecting on the prompts below:
This month’s podcast recommendation is: The Rich Roll Podcast.
Arthur Brooks is a Harvard professor, behavioural scientist, and the world’s leading researcher on happiness.?In this episode, guided skilfully by Rich, the conversation explores the ineffable nature of happiness and meaning and double-clicks on why success addiction plagues high achievers.?It goes on to examine the intersection between science and happiness and investigates the tension between striving and surrendering.?Prof Brooks, through a captivating shift in perspective, shines light on a new understanding of love, purpose, and fulfilment, and reveals how our fixation on striving often obscures the true source of happiness.
Skip the first 4 minutes of adverts – if you wish; enjoy!
This month’s recommendation for any man looking to improve their lives by unlocking their mind, it’s:?Meditations for Mortals.
Meditations for Mortals is designed as a four-week ‘retreat for the mind’ it offers daily wisdom and inspiration and takes readers on a liberating journey towards a more meaningful life, one that begins not with fantasies of an ideal, Instagram-able existence, but with the reality in which we find ourselves. Leveraging philosophy, literature, psychology and self-help, Burkeman (author of the superb 4000 Weeks) explores practical tools and subtly shifts in perspective, the result is a bracing challenge to much familiar advice and a profound, yet entertaining crash course in living more fully.?
Published in an extremely accessible way, with less than 170 pages of reading, it’s thoughtful, level-headed, useful, and a book you won’t regret reading or listening to.
A crude metaphor: if you stood in dog shit, you'd at least take your shoes off before entering your home.?
But what happens when you've had a terrible day - when stress, frustration, and pressure cling to you just as stubbornly? Too often, professionally successful men bring this emotional 'excrement' home without realising it.?
They walk through the door carrying the weight of meetings gone wrong, missed targets, or office politics. And while they may leave their coats at the door, the irritability, fatigue, and tension follow them into their living rooms and bedrooms - impacting the people who matter most.?
The irony??
Many men work hard to provide a better life for their families, yet their presence, when weighed down by chronic work stress, can be damaging - sometimes without a word being spoken.?
If this sounds familiar; awareness is the first step. Just as you'd clean your shoes, it’s essential to find ways to clean your mind, or reset your mood; after all, success isn't just about what you achieve at work but how you show up at home.?
A moment of mindfulness in the car, a walk around the block, or even a simple pause to breathe deeply before stepping inside can make all the difference.?
If you recognise your loved ones deserve better, it starts with you, you must do better.
This month’s TED Talk is: Healthy Masculinity: The Power of Men's Personal Stories.
What does it mean to be a man in today's world? In this poignant and inspiring talk, Dr. Jocelyn Lehrer shows how harmful social ideas about masculinity contribute to diverse health and justice challenges for people of all genders.?
She shares her 12-year journey of building the Men's Story Project, where men publicly share raw, personal stories that challenge norms and take a stand for healthy masculinity and gender equality. Dr Leher shares powerful moments from the Project, showing the impacts men can have when they share their stories that were just beneath the surface.?
This TedTalk hasn’t been seen nearly enough – it’s both awareness-raising and articulates the cultural shift you’re a part of if you’re reading this Bulletin.
With 25 men on the mountain, our second walk of the year, as described by one of our members, was a walk of three thirds!?
Beginning with the long and undulating Dragon’s back ascent, then navigating the extreme ice and windchill of at least -8c on the tops of Waun Fach, before finally heading completely off-piste and descending back towards lower slopes, and more forgiving weather.?
The route and weather were challenging but with a sense of togetherness, brought on by the severity of the weather conditions, we stayed tight and worked collectively to get every man off the mountain. Our walk topic, there’s one at every Men & Mountains meet was:?
What pressures do you put on yourself…??
Before you scroll on, take a moment to consider with honesty, how would you answer this same question… I heard men talk about parenting pressures, perfectionism in the workplace, giving too much of themselves to others, and trying to make everyone happy – amongst many other topics.?
A shout-out! This year, our charitable partnership is with bigmoose. The wait time for mental health support in Wales is a painfully slow 36 weeks, but when somebody refers for therapy through bigmoose, they are replied to within 24 hours and seen by a therapist within a week. bigmoose's goal is to make therapy accessible to everybody, but through our partnership, the money we raise, we’re already close to ￡400, which will be used exclusively to support men, so here’s to another year of using our strength in the service of others.?
We’re more than a walking group, we’re a community of good men; join us for connection, kinship, adventure and honesty.
If you’re keen to lace up your boots and join us, register below.
If you want to walk?February’s?route, it can be?Accessed Here
Additionally, here’s a collection of images from our walk:?Click Here
Are you - underperforming, lacking purpose, feeling discontent, questioning ‘is this it?’
Life’s a team sport and the best teams have coaches, for a reason. ?If you’re unsure, still on the fence, or part of the stubborn old guard who sees seeking support as an admission of weakness or inadequacy, I’ve built a diagnostic tool that will quickly, in less than 2 minutes, assess whether you need a coach or not.?
I trust you’ve found this month’s BetterMen Bulletin useful.
If you have, pass it forward, and share it with another man who you feel would benefit from receiving this monthly.
Don’t forget, the next BetterMen Bulletin will be arriving in your inbox on the first Tuesday in April.
Yours in becoming better,
Dan Stanley
07834456488 - work
Senior Director Product Marketing & Strategy at Gen (previously Avast & Norton LifeLock)
21 小时前Thanks Dan. So much to think about.
Home Healer, Guide & Catalyst for Change & Transformation
21 小时前Dan Stanley There are some good observations in your newsletter. I think that in addition to the unfit one-dimensional blueprint you talk about for hyper-masculine behaviours I think that the converse is also an issue. There are a lot of men out there who are afraid to be masculine men and instead have gone too far in the other direction. Surely we are at the stage now where we need to move the needle and find or create a middle-ground where we are nurturing the younger generations and being role models for the right behaviours. To be completely honest we are all learning as we go along. We look to our own fathers and either emulate them or go in the opposite direction. I remember one day my dad telling me that he wished that he could have had the same relationship with myself and my brother than he could see I had with my son. I used to take men out into the desert in Arizona to help them start to break free from their own limitations and look at masculinity in a different way.
Operations Manager @ FRONTIER RISKS GROUP - Training Providers of the Market Leading SRMC Security Risk Management Consultants course.
5 天前Always look forward to this bulletin landing in my inbox!
Unlocking joy, performance, and potential with individuals, teams, and organisations by developing high-performance, resilience, and emotional intelligence - shaping a better world through people. Let’s connect.
5 天前Thank you brother ??