Welcome to the BetterMen Bulletin
Dan Stanley
Performance coach working exclusively and discreetly with men in high pressure roles. Founder of BetterMen, author of Rethinking Masculinity, facilitator of Men & Mountains.
Life is busy and time is precious. This monthly bulletin saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources relating to all things men and mindset.
Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.
This month’s quote theme is: Legacy.
A man's legacy, contrary to societal norms, isn't measured by the assets and inheritance he leaves behind for his children. Rather, it is defined by how well he prepares his children to navigate life, enabling them to live purposefully, and with a sense of liberty. There comes a pivotal moment in every man's life when he questions what he will be remembered for, and whether his existence mattered. If you haven't faced your moment yet, rest assured, it will come. It's not morbid, or glib, to reflect on our mortality; in fact, I’d say it’s essential as avoiding thoughts of our limited time lulls us into the illusion that we have an endless supply of days—we do not.
By acknowledging our finite existence, we are urged to live fully, and intentionally. Teaching our children to live a full life begins with embodying that lesson ourselves. It's through our actions, our courage to pursue our passions, and our dedication to living authentically that we impart the most valuable lessons.
The greatest legacy we can leave is not material wealth, but the wisdom and example of a life well-lived, one where we equip our children with the resilience and spirit to forge their own meaningful paths. Bring your attention to legacy by considering the quotes below:
Sit down, take a minute, read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented.
This month’s prompt theme comes from my Amazon Bestselling book, Rethinking Masculinity.
The most common theme of direct messages, Amazon reviews and emails I receive from men who’ve read my book is that they wished they’d read it sooner. On one hand, I’m glad my message is out there, on the other, I sit with a heaviness knowing that for every man that reads my book, there’s a million more good men silently enduring, what likely feels like a successful but mediocre life.
If you’re middle-aged, feeling a sense of despondency, disappointment, frustration and or, self-doubt, know that you’re not alone. I firmly believe more men need to ask bigger questions; bigger questions of themselves, and what type of life they truly want to live. At the end of each chapter in ‘Rethinking’, I offer up a series of reflective questions. Their function is simple, they’re designed to provoke thought, thought which creates the potential for change. Sit down, take a minute, read, reflect or journal on selected prompts from the book.
1. If you were to honestly describe your current experience of life in only three words, what would those words be?
2. Personal sacrifice is common in middle-age. What things did you once enjoy doing that now, for whatever reason, you no longer do?
3. In the ‘low self-esteem’ section, I shared four commonalities that adversely impact self-esteem: imposter syndrome, inner critic, self-sabotage, and shame. Which one impacts you most and what tends to trigger it?
This month’s podcast recommendation is: High Performance.
Discover profound insights into the workings of the brain and how we can optimise its functions through this captivating conversation with neurosurgeon and neuroscientist Dr Rahul Jandial. This episode discusses the dynamic nature of the human brain and highlighting our ever-changing emotional and behavioural states. It explains how understanding brain pathways can help manage anxiety, stress, and emotions, drawing parallels to the challenges faced by astronauts and athletes. Drawing from his extensive experience with patients, Dr Rahul offers a unique perspective on resilience and high performance, urging us to see the brain as an evolving ecosystem capable of constant renewal.
This episode provides a fascinating look into the brain's workings and offers practical advice on achieving high performance through understanding our most powerful organ, and emotional regulation.? To skip the adverts, head straight to 4 minutes and 5 seconds of the recording.
This month’s book recommendation is:?Chasing Daylight.
At 53, Eugene O'Kelly was in the full swing of life. As Chairman and CEO of KPMG, he enjoyed a successful career and drew happiness from his wife, children, family, and close friends. Then in May 2005, he was diagnosed with late-stage brain cancer and given three to six months to live. Just like that, he would have to change his plans and capture what he could of his diminishing days. Chasing Daylight?is the account of his final journey. With startling intimacy, it chronicles the dissolution of his life and his gradual awakening to a more profound understanding. It starts from the time of his diagnosis and concludes upon his death less than four months later, this book is his unforgettable story; it provides a testament to the power of the human spirit and offers a compelling message about how to live a more vivid, balanced, and meaningful life.
Have you noticed yet? We’re made to feel that whatever we have, isn’t enough.
Capitalism conditions us from a young age to believe more money, means more happiness.?
We’ve become insatiable. What were once perceived as luxury items have become necessities.?
A recent KMPG report signals that despite financial uncertainties, including higher inflation and interest rates, and a cost-of-living crisis, luxury brands are broadly unconcerned, and continue to defy market trends.
BMW, Mercedes and Audi have recently increased prices, significantly, 6-12%. Rolex typically increases its pricing by 5% annually, and according to the same report, between 2019 and 2023, women’s luxury handbags have seen price increases of up to 22%.
How do we buy and pay for all this stuff that algorithms and clever marketing tell us we need…? Through work, through disproportionately over-indexing our careers, or businesses, over everything else.
It’s sobering to consider, that the cost of our success, to be able to keep pace with our peers, or the Joneses, is paid for by those we love, those we tell ourselves we’re ‘doing it for’.
Too many men give their lives to work; too many build their identities around work. They overwork and underlive. They earn a living without the living.
If the cracks are appearing, if being constantly consumed by work, to afford the ‘trappings’ of success, is crippling your capacity to enjoy the life you’ve worked hard to build, or you can feel distance developing in your marriage, or as your children age, you’re becoming less relevant in their lives – before it’s too late, it’s time to sort this shit out!?
Yours in becoming better.
This month’s TED Talk is: Embracing Your Weirdness.
Weirdness, as Chris Williamson, host of one my favourite podcasts, Modern Wisdom, argues, is our unique strength, one that we're obliged to embrace, and is the key to becoming more connected and successful, in life.
He advocates and articulates, powerfully, for us to stop hiding who we are. He states, that normal people seek safety, they get normal results and live bland lives. Compellingly, he reminds us that we are the narrator, illustrator and author of our own lives and that our uniqueness is a strength. This Ted, at only 15 minutes long is frankly, a must-watch.
July’s walk was another superb edition of Men & Mountains . 9.5 miles of glorious weather and great conversation, all in a quiet and remote area of the Brecon Beacons. ?We travelled through forestry blocks, alongside a reservoir, across streams, stopping an at idyllic lunch spot before a leisurely walk across the tops of Fan Fawr. Our topic of conversation was: What, or who, do you feel you’re taking for granted…?As is customary for our group, the discussions were honest, intimate and meaningful. Thinking of joining us, or haven’t been in a while, we’re simply a community of good men who walk so we can talk - there’s no cost or commitment. Our next walk dates for those who want to join us are:
18 Aug, 15 Sep, 20 Oct.
If you want to walk our July route, it can be?Accessed Here
Additionally, here’s a collection of images that capture our most recent meet:,?Click Here
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I trust you’ve found this month’s BetterMen Bulletin useful.
If you have, pass it forward, and share it with another man who you feel would benefit from receiving this monthly.
Don’t forget, the next BetterMen Bulletin will be arriving in your inbox on the first Tuesday in Sep.
Yours in becoming better,
Dan Stanley
07834456488 - work
Experienced, driven and authentic Sales Professional. Passionate about Mental Health.
3 个月Great bulletin as always Dan. I remember seeing the "Embrace your weirdness" TED Talk but I must have watched it before I got into Modern Wisdom and didn't click that it was Chris Williamson. Legacy is a big thing for me as I've got older. My legacy won't be my children though; I'd like to think there are other ways I can try to leave some sort of imprint on the world and it is something I think about a lot. I'd say it's something that keeps me going. A sense of purpose and the desire to try and have a lasting impact gets increasingly important with every passing year.