Welcome in, 2025!
Stick that kettle on... then indulge me for the next ten minutes or so.
While I trust that the Christmas period was a special event for you and filled with memories that you will cherish, I know it hasn't been that way for some, so I won't be insensitive and go overboard with the 'holiday happinesses'.
Happy New Year?
I also don't wish to presume that you'll have a 'Happy New Year'. Because, I know, that for some it won't be.
I know, I know. We're supposed to be positive at this time of the year. Looking on the bright side and all that. But, looking back over our past nearly always comes with a tinge of regret.
Have you ever noticed, there's always a 'but' on the horizon? I'll use it here: But, if you find yourself unable to steer away from the negative doom and gloom that seems to be engulfing the world of late, I think you'll find it's not all bad.
I understand, it may be difficult to stay 'positive' with all that's happening around us, and it all feels like too much of an effort to remain that way. So, perhaps, and this is a mighty big 'perhaps' of course - it might present us with a good opportunity to start being 'neutral' about life.
Yes. I said that. Neutral.
Being neutral about a situation, an event, or even a person can sometimes be the better option. I'll explain, but first...
Look around you. Take a little time to stand still, to pause, to breathe deeply and to observe what's going on around you. Wherever you are just now, just use your senses to become aware of the present moment. If it helps, stare at this picture of a fog in the trees, and hear the silence...
Most people are anticipating the New Year to be something new and exciting, a new start, a new beginning. A new hope.
We either:
Or
I absolutely know this is true, because I've seen some comments and pictures on Facebook:
"We'll be watching a recording of last year's at 10 pm. Then bed. Goodnight."
Then the clock strikes the midnight hour and we kiss people we don't know, say goodbye to the old year (that never gave us the beautiful snow we'd been promised in all those Christmas cards), and welcome in the new by singing (badly) an ancient song from a (very bad, yes, have you read any of his other works?) Scots poet... "For auld acquaintances..." (boy, I bet he wished he had coined a bob or two for that one!), and raise our glasses (again), all the rest...
For the record, I'd prefer to be huddled up in bed with my sleep possibly being disturbed by the bangs and cracks and laughter (and fisty-cuffs), going on outside, than feeling chilled to the bone and wishing I was in bed... Yes, that 'Bar humbug' sentiment carries me through to the new year. Kind of helps me get through it all. But, I digress...
I've often wondered why do we do it?
Why do we gather with other people, a huge host of them are strangers, in order to greet an event that turns out to be like any other event in our lives? Why do we hold precious hope in our hands? Why do we allow a surge of elation into our hearts and why do we try to stop a few tears trickling down our cheeks? Why? Particularly, if we don't do anything about it during the 364 days that follow.
Of course, we all make a 'New Year Resolution', which consists of a whole host of subjects ranging from:
The list of possibilities is endless really. It's something that we force ourselves to stick to changing (for about a month), then forget why we made the list in the first place.
On Christmas Day, many of us were gifted new diaries, like I was as a child. And we flick through those pristine clean pages just itching for that spanking new pen to scrawl across them, which we do, until, say, March, then that gets put it aside with the phrase "I'll do it later..." Which never arrives. Until the middle of the year that's whizzed by all too fast.
It seems almost like an obligatory ritual we must do every year. I've endured over 59 of them so far (I'm not counting the first couple of years, of course, because I had no hope of ever understanding it while I crawled around in my nappies).
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Yes, it seems like a ritual that must be gotten through in order to survive the coming months. Until Spring leaps forth (with an additional hour on the clock), which alters our attitudes when it allows a little light to seep into our daily grind.
Then we begin to count our lives in blocks: Birthdays, Christenings, Weddings and Funerals. Then there's the 'happy days' events for those special people in our lives that we mustn't forget about, though we rarely do anyway, but they had to go and make a special day of it, so we wouldn't forget about them...
It also seems to be a never ending circle of 'trys'... But do we ever really get the life that we want? Do we ever change it?
So, why be neutral, instead of striving to be positive or sinking into negativity?
For one thing, I've found there to be an awful lot of people with the character trait of narcissism in their systems. And they seem to be everywhere of late. Sadly, there are as many people in this world who are victims of their abuse.
Incidentally, I don't like the word victim. It has a notion of being unable to change things for yourself. But it tends to denote the person who is suffering from within their relationship and unable to do anything about it. They certainly feel like victims.
Sinking into negativity because of becoming aware of all those things you either can't have, do or say, or perhaps you've been told you're not good enough to achieve, only brings on the black dog of depression. Or, a deep, deep sadness and hopeless sensation. That you're not good enough, so why bother. Striving to be positive, on the other hand is very hard work. Especially if you're not the 'happy-go-lucky' person that everyone wants you to be.
So, the benefots of staying neutral - in any of the scenarios I've mentioned here, can be a good option. When you're neutral, you balance those emotions. You are able to stand back and breathe. Observe. And in that observation, you can gather an awful lot of clues as to what's really going on in the world, and people, around you.
On the subject of understanding yourself, and not being railroaded into believing you're the one at fault, your ideas are trash or not good enough, I've made in-roads. I've help those who want to get away from, or avoid, such people who have not only impressed their opinion upon the one they are supposed to love but, in fact, are downright awful towards them.
I have created (and continue to create), courses for people to go through in their own time, to build their confidence, their self-esteem and, yes, to break free from those abusive relationships.
If you'd like to take a closer look at some of them (including one to help you get those resolutions for change made in your life, and stick to them), then...
For now, I'd like to change tack. Celebrating, or bringing in the new year isn't such a bad thing, if you like that kind of thing, of course. With a New Year's Resolution, it isn't just about changing one thing in your life in the hope that life will get better. It's about transforming yourself into someone that you really want to be. Something that you want to experience.
If I've learned one thing about life, at this grand old age of 61 (staring down the barrel of 62 in the Spring!), then it is this:
The enemy of your soul loves to leverage your past against you.
If you allow yourself to think about the past in a regretful way, then you'll have guilt and shame as your companion emotions throughout your life.
Instead of hoping for a better future, you'll be looking at the past wishing that you had done things differently, or handled situations in other ways.
If you look back over the last year, or several years, and feel regret about it, then that comes from something you have been thinking, or feel about yourself. And that comes from feeling guilty about something you may, or may not, have done.
With this in our hearts, we begin to condemn ourselves and feel unworthy, or less valuable because of how we are thinking about a situation. And that is never a good thing.
The New Year brings with it a chance to be rid of these emotions that burden us. Instead of convincing ourselves we are so wrong, we are unworthy, not valuable, instead of crying and asking whatever God you believe in, "Why don't others know me the way I know me?"
Reframe the situation. Rewind the past.
Would, or could, it have been done or said any differently? In all the life circumstances you have been gifted throughout the years, which situations have you learned from the most? Those that have passed by and been forgotten, like the empty diary? Or those that you have poured your heart out about and vowed to change for the New Year?
While I end this maily with a wish for a 'thoughtful New Year', I would ask you to think on this:
The pain of regret is far greater than the pain of perseverance.
So, in other words... do not give up. Keep on trying. Keep on attempting to change. Remember, an aeroplane doesn't get to its destination by flying in a straight line from London to New York. It makes several adjustments along it's flight path.
To get through this life, to endure it or enjoy it, we must do the same.
Until next time, fare thee well my dear friend. I'll be back soon.
Wishing you the best for 2025 and beyond.
Yours, faithfully,
Kaye Bewley MA
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