The Weight of Unseen Expectations

Unapologetically Selfish

For generations, Black women have been celebrated for their resilience, praised for their strength, and leaned upon as the cornerstones of communities.

They have been leaders, caretakers, advocates, and counsellors in a society that too often demands more.

The expectations placed upon Black women to prove their worth are heavy, and often unseen conditioning us to put others first. A cycle of self-sacrifice, or pushing aside personal needs for the greater good has become deeply ingrained.

Keeping the peace and speaking up for justice is a role that can leave little room for vulnerability, rest, or joy. And, constantly being the “rock” can be exhausting.

The unspoken expectation that Black women should be the ones to hold things together.

But, what if Black women decided to choose themselves to live with a commitment to their own happiness or peace, unapologetically?

Representation Without Representation

The recent political trajectories of Kemi Badenoch in the UK and Kamala Harris in the US both signal it's time for a shift. Not only as a challenge to rethink the meaning of representation, but also how we prioritise our own peace.

While Badenoch’s rise is historic, her policies—such as supporting the Sewell Report’s denial of systemic racism, are a hard blow to many marginalised communities and highlight the limits of representation that aligns more with the status quo than with meaningful change.

Kamala Harris’s presidential bid offers a different but equally complex narrative. Despite her trailblazing role, Harris faced criticism for missed opportunities to assert her leadership independently and address key global issues, notably her silence on the Gaza crisis.

This restraint has led many to question the depth of her commitment to justice, suggesting that representation alone falls short if it lacks a strong, vocal stance on urgent matters.

Both Black women exemplify the duality of representation: while identity matters, true representation requires a visible and active commitment to justice.?

For Black women and marginalised communities, the lesson is clear: our worth isn’t defined by institutions or leaders, but by prioritising our own joy, healing, and wholeness—and recognising representation that genuinely stands with and for us.

5 Ways Of Finding Grace in Setbacks

As we navigate the next four years, remember that no challenge is greater than the power of a collective rooted in joy, healing, and a fierce dedication to each other’s thriving.

Harris’s resilience serves as an invitation for Black women to find peace in moments of loss and to hold on to the hope that every step forward, even if it isn’t a victory, is a powerful act of progress.

Her campaign’s end, while disappointing to many, reflects her understanding that the work continues.?Even in moments of defeat, there is grace, strength, and the opportunity for renewal.

‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’” (2 Corinthians 12:9) This scripture always reminds me that even in our most vulnerable moments, we find strength in his grace.

To every Black woman reading this: Remember to stay strong, anchored by the love and wisdom of those who came before us.?Know that your joy, your healing, and your dreams are not only valid—they are essential.

1. Redefining “Selfishness” as Self-Preservation

The word “selfish” often carries a negative connotation, but for Black women, it might just be the radical act of self-preservation that’s needed. Choosing oneself doesn’t mean ignoring others or dismissing community values; it means honouring personal boundaries, saying “no” when necessary, and prioritising personal fulfilment. It means seeing selfishness as an intentional focus on one’s own needs and dreams.?

Selfishness, in this light, isn’t about shutting people out—it’s about choosing to show up for oneself. It’s deciding that personal joy, health, and aspirations are just as worthy of attention as any other responsibilities.

By reclaiming selfishness, Black women can create space for rest, for joy, for dreams to heal, grow, and ultimately give more to the world from a place of wholeness.

2. The Power of Personal Joy and Happiness

Imagine the power of Black women living fully in their joy. Joy is often portrayed as frivolous or secondary, but it is foundational. It’s not just a luxury; it’s a necessity for a fulfilling life. Joy replenishes, it heals, and it sustains.

When Black women prioritise their joy, they set a powerful example for younger generations, showing them that happiness is a worthy pursuit. They also challenge the stereotype that Black women are here only to endure, to overcome, or to fight.

Joy is resistance, joy is renewal, and joy is a powerful, personal form of success.

3. Healing Without Guilt

Healing can be a challenging journey, particularly when surrounded by a culture that encourages pushing through pain instead of addressing it.?

For Black women, healing can feel like a radical departure from the idea that they must be strong for everyone else. It’s common to feel guilt for taking time away from responsibilities to focus on self-care. But healing is not only necessary—it’s transformative.?

Black women deserve the freedom to seek therapy, to address past traumas, and to establish boundaries that protect their peace.

Embracing healing also means letting go of the idea that self-care is selfish or indulgent. In reality, healing is a deep form of self-respect and self-love. This can look different for every woman, whether through therapy, spiritual practices such as prayer, journaling, or simply creating quiet time to reflect.

Whatever form it takes, healing is a pathway to more authentic living, free from the weight of unprocessed pain and societal expectations.

4. Staying Strong for the Next Four Years

The road ahead may feel uncertain, heavy, and fraught with challenges, yet Black women have a powerful legacy of staying strong together.?

“Staying strong” doesn’t mean bearing the weight alone; it means remembering that, across the years, Black women have supported each other through triumphs and defeats, through grief and hope. It’s a phrase that holds within it a reminder of collective strength and the capacity to uplift one another as we face the next four years and beyond.

Audre Lorde once reminded us that “the United States is on the wrong side of every freedom struggle on Earth.”?

The history we inherit is heavy with injustices, yet we also inherit the wisdom of those who chose love, resilience, and connection to resist the forces of oppression.

Staying strong in the coming years means staying connected—to each other, to the legacies that sustain us, and to the vision of joy and justice that fuels our steps forward.

5. Embracing a New Narrative

It’s time for Black women to be unapologetically selfish—to claim their joy, embrace healing, and centre their own well-being without guilt or reservation.

By being unapologetically selfish, Black women can rewrite what it means to be successful, to be happy, and to live a life of purpose. The call to be unapologetically selfish is not a call to disregard others; it’s a call to live fully and to live authentically.?

Rest, recharge, and step boldly into your own life, taking up space unapologetically, and know that prioritising yourself is an act of love, strength, and resilience.

We can accept that setbacks don’t define us—they refine us.

They allow us to reinforce our commitments, learn from the journey, and continue moving forward with a renewed sense of purpose.

And, finally to all leaders and professionals take this example into our own lives.

The work we do today builds a legacy that extends beyond immediate results. Let’s hold that vision and remember that even in moments of loss, our strength, resilience, and grace can light the way forward.

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