The Weight of Expectations

Expectations are like a heavy load we carry. They sit on our shoulders, press into our chests, and whisper in our minds. We carry them every day—unseen, but deeply felt.

Expectations of who we should be, how our lives should look, how our partners should act, how our children should behave.

We set the bar so high, not just for ourselves, but for everyone around us.

But what are these expectations really? Where do they come from?

More often than not, our expectations are reflections of the parts of ourselves we’ve rejected, denied, or left unmet.

They are the voices of our past, showing up in our present, and shaping our future.

When you expect your partner to be perfect, to never fail or falter, to not get angry, to be a good role model-is it really them you’re judging?

Or is it the part of you that feels unworthy unless everything is just right? The part that believes love has to be earned through perfection?

When you demand so much from your children, when you expect them to be the best, to excel in everything, to be so well behaved, are you seeing them as they truly are?

Or are you projecting the dreams you had to bury, the potential you were never allowed to fully explore?

Are you trying to fill the voids that were left in you, hoping that by perfecting them, you can finally perfect yourself? And what about the expectations you place on yourself—the relentless pressure to be the perfect parent, the ideal partner, the flawless human being?

These expectations often stem from the parts of us that were told we weren’t enough.

The child in you that was criticised instead of comforted, the teenager who felt invisible unless they achieved something extraordinary, the adult who’s never been allowed to rest without guilt.

And in trying to live up to these expectations, are you denying the parts of you that are messy, imperfect, and human? The parts that need help, that don’t have it all together, that sometimes just want to be held? You can’t deny the shadow and only accept the light. All of it—every part of you—needs to be acknowledged and accepted to truly heal.

We project these unmet needs and rejected parts of ourselves onto others, hoping that if they can meet these impossible standards, it will heal the wounds within us. But all it does is deepen the divide—between who we are and who we think we should be, between the love we give and the love we truly need.

The weight of these expectations doesn’t just burden you—it burdens those around you.

It creates a world where love feels conditional, where acceptance feels earned, where joy feels like a distant dream.

What if we could lay down these expectations?

What if we could embrace ourselves—and others—as perfectly imperfect?

What if we could meet our own needs, acknowledge our own wounds, and release the pressure we put on ourselves and those we love?

Imagine the freedom of letting go. Of seeing your partner, your children, your family for who they truly are, without the weight of your projections.

Imagine the peace of accepting yourself, as you are, without the endless striving for more, for better, for perfect.

What I do know is that you will never fully accept anyone until you have loving acceptance of yourself.

Maybe its time to release the expectations that no longer serve you.

To love yourself and others not for who you could be, but for who you are.

When you let go of the weight, you can finally breathe freely.

You are enough. They are enough. This moment, right now, is enough.

And in that enoughness, there is room for love, joy, and connection to flourish in ways you never thought possible.

Let that be the expectation you hold on to.

I invite you to write down all of the expectations you place on your children, your partner, and yourself, and get curious- where do they come from, whats the underlying belief, what are the unmet needs, fears or insecurities I might be projecting?

Let this exercise reveal the parts of you that need some healing and attention.

I'd love to hear how you go with this exercise....and what it reveals.

P.S. when I learned to release the weight of the expectations I had on myself, I was able to truly hold space and see my children for who they are, rather than my own projections.