In this week's Mental Wellbeing Sunday, we discuss emotional support after a sexual crime at work.

There is no doubt that emotional pain exists. My definition of emotional pain is fear of not wanting to do something because of an emotional connection, either consciously or unconsciously. Growing up in a volatile house, I experienced long-term emotional pain years later, and also developed NEAD (non-epileptic attack disorder). This is a very scary mental health condition that is closely related to PTSD. In order to understand the science of emotional pain, I will share more of my personal life experience than what a typical therapist uses - as I feel modern psychology is far from the truth. Take advice from someone who has experienced some of the most traumatizing experiences a person can ever have.

First things first, we need to declare what we cannot do when talking about emotional pain. The brain cannot be completely aradiated. I was stopped in the street not only recently by a Christian that I am, and she asked if my childhood pain had been healed by God. At the age of 12, I was sexually abused. The answer is - no, to some extent - as the memories are always there. However, the pain can be healed more through reflective writing. No longer do I punish my emotional self or blame my inner self for what happened to me. Through time, any emotional pain can be healed. It is important to remember, however, that we all need to define pain in our own way.

Psychologists often use the analogy of "what one person defines as trauma, another will define it differently." Hence we are all different and that is the second lesson. In most cases, pain, such as when we fall down and cut ourselves, will start to self-heal allready - putting a plaster on just speeds up the process. To prevent depression, we need to apply that concept to emotional healing - we need self-compassion towards our minds. It is simple - if we do not allow our brain to heal trauma like losing a loved one - the brain subconsciously suppresses the memory, which can be dangerous - just like me, the sting of combined bad memories can resurface years later. That's not what we want. There is a level of aniexty I would not wish on anyone.

If we know how to manage our emotions, aniexty can be our closest ally. Feeling pain is okay, and we should embrace it. Consciously avoiding it is not a good idea. Say for instance, you were at work and stayed late one night with another colleague who you felt acted inappropriately sexually towards you for a brief moment. Once you got home and soaked in a nice hot bath, you shrugged it off. You make the next day with strong aniexty in your stomach. An attack of panic sets in and you experience shortness of breath. The pain lasts for weeks, and all you do is pile up on painkillers.

This is a very dangerous emotional situation for anyone. Not just because it could be considered a sexual crime, but also because of the emotional scars it will leave in your memory. Full frontal view is the only way to deal with this situation. However, you won't be able to do it alone. However, don't assume that ringing a counselor will solve it either - although it's a smart move - you'll still have to face your emotional self - not your coworker for now.

A combination of rational thinking and reflection has been the best advice I have ever received from traumatic experiences I have personally experienced. In general, our brains work too much in life, and in my case, the seizures I had were the most frightening things I have ever encountered.

Back to our story of the sexual case in the office - this man or woman is suffering from emotional pain and may have suffered sexual abuse. They need help immediately. As it is the most traumatic experience a person has ever had - the brain has no quick fix.

Unfortunately, our brains learn how to cope with trauma afterward, not before. Victims, however, need help plugged into their minds. A person must have access to all sources of help - police, doctors, parents, and the place of the original crime. Due to the fact we do not know all the circumstances, I will describe it as a crime to add more realism. Therefore, we are at this point pretty scared, worried, and probably experiencing more anxiety attacks.

The first thing we need to do is check in with our conscious Brain and sit down. Start to rationalise what happended and get some water in your body. Call a friend you trust completely if it helps. After the shared conversation, decide what is the best course of action - Employer HR - POLICE report incident - or visit a doctor. In my opinion, you should see your GP first, I would be concerned about your mental state - if it helps, arrange to go with a friend. It's fine if you decide to go to the police first - they should have plenty of advice and good professional advice. If you have taken time off, going to your employer might be the last thing on your mind.

As soon as you have gathered your thoughts and received the medical prescription you need - the next step would be to meet with a professional counselor. At this point, if you feel that is something you are not ready for, then fine. As a next priority, please speak to a colleague or HR professional at work.

Your aniexty will drop as soon as you begin making a list of people to contact and see. Even though both sides of your brain will wrestle with this, try not to blame yourself - make sure you eat a full meal every night to defeat the blame conscious tendency. As humans, we need food, but when we have endured trauma like abuse, we may not feel like eating. In the last five years, I've made over one hundred 999 calls suffering from epilepsy and I could eat ten pizzas after each one.

We must develop and build a new you based on a conscious effort you need to make yourself combined with self-compassion in order to heal - notice I use the word trying here. Yes, that's right, after any dramatic event, the focus should be on shaping a stronger and more emotional intelligent being. We are killing two birds with one stone here. First, if you have followed my list of things to do, you have already dealt with the situation. Developing our own treatment plan is the next step. The healing process is simply a matter of time combined with a deeper analysis of our thoughts. Initially, we unpick what happened at the crime scene to ourselves that night. As a result, we become our own smart detectives. In fact, we return to the first scene of the crime (workplace) and start our own investigation. Apart from exercising our self-awareness, we assume no clear authority. Over time, we examine the evidence and bring friends together as crime scene detectives to figure out what really happened. All of that combined with a decent HRM policy report might get us somewhere. Over time, you will slowly and surely start to heal more profoundly and then design a new you.

It is possible to heal after any sexual crime if you receive the right indepth emotional intelligence training. It is possible for us to become our own masters of psychology and join forces with others to carry out our own investigations. The case of rape is a little more complex, but most of the principles in this article can be used to build a self-healing framework. In spite of this, you will experience more self-doubt and cross over many depression levels. Go talk to your closest family relative as soon as possible if you are that person who has never opened up to anyone before. A family member with whom you have shared good memories. In this way, you will feel safe in a very conscious manner. While I do not claim to have all the answers here, I am using the tried and tested methods I used during my sexual abuse, and they worked for me. Read this article four times until you start to develop some core rational thoughts. Make notes as you read it. Especially at work, it's okay to be scared after a sexual attack of any nature. Despite the fact that this science is almost impossible, try not to give up. Be smart with your time, but also follow your gut. Take action to protect your mental wellbeing, and please do reach out to me if you need some extra assistance.