Weekly Wisdom #8

I am sad to hear that Jane Maczewski (Nightbirde) lost her battle to cancer on February 19th at the age of thirty-one. I wanted to celebrate her life in some way this week. I have watched Nightbirde’s performance on America’s Got Talent several times this week. I aspire to live a life of courage and beauty the way Marczewski did. She showed such compassion and grace.

Watch her inspiring performance where she got the Golden Buzzer: Golden Buzzer: Nightbirde's Original Song Makes Simon Cowell Emotional. In addition to the words from her song, “It’s okay” in the picture above, I was struck by another statement she made as she waited for the judges’ responses. “You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.” To be human is to struggle so all we can do is seek those moments within the struggle that bring us joy. Thank you for your gift of wisdom, Nightbirde!

Practice Encouragement

I had the opportunity to listen to Useless to Useful: Moving Family Members from Discouragement to Belonging by Calvin Armerding through the Center for Adlerian Practice and Scholarship. While Armerding’s focus was on children and families, the tools he provided are applicable to organizations.

I use Alfred Adler quotes often, and use “A misbehaving child is a discouraged child” most frequently. Armerding presented a case of a child who is described by their family as argumentative and annoying because he constantly challenges. He used a tool to reframe what is seen as “useless” behavior to the more “useful” side of life. He asked the group how we might positively reframe “argumentative.” Some of the words that came up were questioning, curious, spirited, and determined.

Armerding then took us another step further to ask, how could that positive reframe be useful? One of the participants responded with “Sees room for improvement, the person you want when a problem must be solved.” A parent might consider asking this child what they would do when the next problem arises. This way, the child can feel like they are contributing their unique skills to the family system. The child becomes useful. This is how encouragement can change family dynamics.

I see a lot of discouragement in the workplace that could use an encouragement reframe. I am looking forward to adding this tool to my toolbox and to one of my workshops where I already talk about useful/useless dichotomy. If you would like the tool, let me know. Armerding granted permission to share it far and wide. Thank you, Calvin!

How can you reframe discouragement to encouragement?

Keep asking questions

I try to attend Essential Conversations on Mondays through the Center for Purposeful Leadership because it is a community that embodies encouragement. This week’s session was on good questions. Instead of heading straight to solutions and fixing, what would happen if we just learned to ask more questions, better questions?

With the Ukraine situation in the hearts of my group we asked;

• When pulled in a negative direction, how do we shift?
• How do we remain hopeful when negativity is a constant stream?
• What are the commonalities between the struggles of Minneapolis and those in Ukraine?
• What do I say to my friends of color when I feel I cannot contribute?
• What is play in a riven (violent torn) environment?

This exercise pushed my curiosity. I wonder what would happen if I did this exercise within my network. How would they function not being able to do straight to advice-giving and solutions? I wonder if anyone would even show up?

For me, being curious is a form of encouragement. It means we do not know the answers and are interested in learning more and seeking a broader perspective. We are lost, uncertain, and searching for alternatives.

How can you encourage better questions?

Cause good trouble

As part of the Minnesota Chapter of The Wildlife Society’s annual conference this week, I heard David Treuer talk about wilderness. He said he is trying to “cause good trouble” by rethinking how we frame wilderness itself. He talked about wild and anti-human spaces as a false distinction. The National Parks look the way they do as a result of centuries of careful management by local tribes.

I knew this already. What I sensed but have not yet studied was the extent to which our country’s leaders in those days, viciously spoke about, wrote about, and treated the Native American population. I was overwhelmed by the information he provided, including reading memos from government officials during that time.

Treuer said, “Land is reshaped constantly.” And, he went on to say that there is no wilderness (land untouched). “Land is shaped by culture, policies and mental habits we’ve developed” he further stated. “Things have always been changing, but for whom?”

While overwhelmed by the presentation, I felt compelled to read Treuer’s books, which can be found on his website at https://www.davidtreuer.net/. I intend to check out Rez Life since the upcoming annual meeting of The Wildlife Society will have an Indigenous theme.

I also will think about how I will continue to expand my own work where I challenge people to rethink what nature is and what access to nature is. This will be another layer to add.

What does wilderness mean to you? How can we encourage good trouble?

Final note: I did feel a little lost this week. Thankfully, I ended Friday with two amazing conversations. I will probably be writing some reflections from my Friday morning conversation which really broadened my thoughts about a recent event. We need more eyes and perspective to get that broad picture. I ended Friday planning a fall workshop on building trauma-informed conservation communities. More to come.

If you're lost, first make a note that it's okay. Second, find trusted friends and colleagues to help you broader your view.