Weekly Wisdom #31

This week’s post is a continuation of wisdom from the book How to be an Ally by Melinda Briana Epler. I think Chapter 7 – Step 5: Stand Up For What’s Right is my favorite. Too often in the work of diversity and inclusion, we focus on the negative and what’s wrong or bad. We often also get so overwhelmed with the enormity of the situation that we don't move forward with actions.

“We can counter these (microaggressions) with micro affirmations, micro-interventions, micro assurances, and micro validations.” In other words, many small acts in a positive direction are going to be easier, and in the long run, more fruitful.

Microaffirmations

The author defines micro affirmations as “little ways that you can affirm someone’s identity, recognize and validate their experience and expertise, build confidence, develop trust, foster belonging, and support someone in their career growth.” Epler has a few very specific examples:

• Mirror the language someone uses to define their own identity (like pronouns)
• Give 2-3 positive feedback statements before any constructive feedback
• When someone on the team isn’t participating, take notice and find out what you can do to support them.

When I think of micro affirmations, I think of all the times I presented an idea and another man repeated it and took it as their own. A way to practice micro affirmations is to say things like “building on what [name] said” or “[name] had a great idea and I’d like us to expand on that.” You could even say, “[name], I liked your idea of [name idea] and I am hoping you can expand on that.”

Micro interventions

“As an advocate working to intervene,” Epler writes, “we want to find ways to stop microaggressions before they start, intervene when microaggressions happen, and treat the impact of microaggressions after they happen,” Epler mentions education to intervene preemptively. One of the ways is to “develop and normalize company values that address safety and belonging.”

I agree and to that end, have worked with my partners Bre Cahoy and Jyo Maan to create our Regenerative Leadership Primer workshop and Inclusive Leadership: Creating Brave Spaces workshop series. We believe we can and should develop codes of conduct and rules for dealing with conflict inside teams so that when conflict and disagreement arise (not if), expectations for how we engage with each other are already established.

I think my favorite suggestion from this part of the book is “normalize advocacy on your teams.” For me, that doesn’t just mean “calling out” or “calling in,” and advocating for more marginalized voices. It also means setting a practice where we invite dissenting voices – or some might say “devil’s advocate.” It could also mean that when we make decisions, we intentionally ask ourselves who is not at the table and how we can bring that voice in (or at least acknowledge we don’t have all the information).

“Interrupt interruptions and airtime inequity” is also one that I think most groups could put at the forefront of their awareness. I know once I did, I am keenly aware of individuals who are either taking all the airtime or not speaking at all. I’ve been working on saying things like “I am noticing that there are some that aren’t speaking and I’m wondering if they could contribute” (without calling on someone specific). Sometimes when I start a new topic and there is discussion, I will also say that I would like to hear from those who haven’t spoken first. There are many ways small interventions can make a big difference.

Scripts

Table 7.2 on Intervention Scrips to Stop Harm from Microaggressions is an amazing resource. Epler suggests that while the table is helpful, there are just a few examples and suggests teams add to the list and begin practicing.

In this section, Epler also provides some guidance when someone says “But I didn’t intend it that way.” I hear that all the time.

“The worst harm from a microaggression can come from denying someone else’s harmful experience by centering it on your own intent. Trust people’s unique experiences. Use your curiosity to build compassionate empathy. Really work to understand what they are going through – not what you are going through, or what you imagine you would go through in a similar situation. What matters is what they are going through and what you do about it as an ally.”

I keep working on my allyship and this book is giving me some clear goals to set in that regard. Again, I would highly recommend this book for those working on being a better ally. I expect to finish the book this week and I suspect I'll post more of it's wisdom soon.

Feel free to contact me via DM with interest in workshops like Regenerative Leadership Primer, Inclusive Leadership: Creating Brave Spaces, Conflict Resolution or others that address some of the things mentioned here. ??