Week Three: The importance of self care

Last week I reached a personal milestone in my mindfulness mission - I completed every single goal that I'd set for myself in the week, and then some!

Now that might not sound a lot to most people but for someone who has personally struggled with this for over a year, it was a huge achievement. Yes, I'm currently taking a break from work so it will be easier for me to do this than most reading this who are working, but that's not the point. I'm making #selfcare my job right now, and I plan to fully commit to this. In that respect each goal I set myself last week centred on either body or mind, to help me to start to re-connect the two: staying at a good friend's house for a few days to escape London and binge on the Handmaid's Tale (how good is it!!!), making it to the gym 4 times, visiting Fred Butler's Harmonics in Space exhibition at the NOW Gallery to indulge in the opportunity to tap into 'an intense awareness of being alive', meeting another good friend's newborn daughter for the first time, taking the 20,000+ steps between the Limehouse Basin and Angel on my mindful walk, catching up with a friend I haven't seen since last July over dinner before thoroughly confusing myself with him watching the new Avengers movie, and another visiting from Hong Kong before I stay there in 4 weeks time - the list goes on!

The Mouse in the Maze

Reading this week's mission from Williams and Penman has got me to thinking (Carrie B style) - how did my mind become so noisy in the first place? The answer I've come to for myself is that I often try too hard. Now this isn't something which is new for me - my mother would probably say that I've strived to be a high achiever since the womb. But what I hadn't appreciated over the last couple of years in particular is that when things haven't been going too well for me, I've tried a little harder - by pushing myself, or encouraging other to pull me in the direction that I'm trying to go rather than simply waiting. Seeing how things pan out, spotting opportunities as they arise. I've been scared to pause - to watch the world go by a little, go with the ebb and flow. Scared that I'll get left behind. But by pushing harder all I've actually been doing is making things worse for myself. Closing down my mind, stopping myself from thinking creatively and exhausting myself further.

As a creative person I've unintentionally closed my mind and become less playful, creating a sense of fear within myself, becoming more cautious, taking less risks. So where does the mouse in the maze come into play? An experiment published in 2001 by psychologists at the University of Maryland, detailed by the authors Williams and Penman in the book I'm using to focus my mind at the moment, used two puzzles featuring a mouse trying to escape from a maze. One maze had cheese at the end, the other an owl waiting to swoop and carry the mouse away. After completing the puzzles students were asked to do a different task which measured their creativity - those who had chosen to avoid the owl rather than help the mouse find the cheese did 50 per cent worse. Avoidance strategies had in fact closed down their minds - weakening their creativity and reduced their flexibility. Those who had helped the mouse instead became open to new experiences, and experimented more. Their minds had been opened. Which brings me back to the last week and the following quote lifted from the book:

"The spirit in which you do something is often as important as the act itself"

If I look back at my own journey over the last few years there have been times where I have felt 'trapped' - by my own perfectionism and sense of responsibility. Whether this stems from something deeper linked to proving myself as the authors suggest I'm yet to discover, however it does make sense when I consider the 'script' that has kept me locked into old (and often self-destructive) habits. I stopped taking risks, I hid away, and at times wanted the world to leave me alone. Trapped in my own burnout. Whilst this isn't necessarily going to lead to me being 'less hard' on myself what it has done has helped me to recognise when attention needs to shift, which could in turn lead to an even better output overall...

Freedom from the chatterbox

The journey I am on at the moment, and the last week in particular, been super powerful in helping me to simply become more aware. I am becoming more mindful. Committing to the present in better ways. Be that leaving checking my phone for hours at a time, turning off the TV when I'm reading or writing, doing nothing else but eat and enjoy my meals, following a routine in the gym. And the chatter is dying down. It's not gone. I'm still struggling with the meditation exercises that are set each week. But I'm trying them, adhering to their instructions. And I am not a fan of instructions - those closest to me know that! This week's habit releaser is about 'valuing the television'. Simple really. We are all probably guilty of switching the TV on and leaving it on as we strive to multi-task and get more done in our days. Perhaps even fooling ourselves that we are paying attention, following the plot line, even if we are really only jolted back to the screen in between episodes as we binge... This week I'm being told to write down what I plan to watch this week - either programmes I regularly stream (Nashville, Eastenders - don't judge!) or those which I plan to start watching or spot on the TV schedule - and to watch only these programmes. When I'm done, to turn off the TV and get on with something else, having just watched what I planned to and doing nothing else. Why don't you join me and see the difference it makes to your attention this week...

Happy #MindfulMonday

Previously - Week Two: Personal training to re-connect body and mind

Up next - Week Four: The Rumour Has It...