Week Seven of my Creator Journey: I Say When

I say who; I say when; I-I say who!

~ Vivian Ward

I remember watching "Pretty Woman" when it first came out. First of all, we had all already been swooning over Richard Gere since "An Officer and A Gentleman." That final scene when he scoops up the love of his life and strides out of the factory with her with that Navy uniform on?! Baaaaaaaby! ??

So needless to say, I was pre-sold on him playing opposite Julia Roberts in this remix of a classic fairy tale. The iconic scene when Vivian asserts herself with the line, "I say who; I say when; I-I say who" has always stuck with me and I recite it quite often. No matter what appearances might say or what a construct might seem to dictate, I have full autonomy over myself. I don't belong to ANYONE! ??

Edward Lewis tried to pull that card on Vivian and learned that she wasn't to be played with. If she wanted to sell her snatch, that was her choice and not for him to decide for her. And I agree with that sentiment wholeheartedly, especially since I support the full legalization of sex work. But that's a discussion for another post about women having full autonomy over all parts of their bodies and the question of what is considered work in that context. But I digress...

There's something ironic about the fact that most of us, who are Creators using social media as our medium, start creating because we feel passionate about our art. And we also feel a fierce sense of independence. We want FREEDOM. We want to pursue our passion and our creativity in peace. But what we soon find out is that this passion that we are pursuing doesn't initially pay the bills. Our full time jobs are grayscale and our passion is technicolor. But we are then forced to navigate the cold truth that there has to be a balance of passion and profitability. There must be monetization as we muse. There's no romance without finance... You get my point, right?

That's definitely been a big part of my thought process as I reflect on the seventh week of my Creator Journey. Freedom always comes with a price. Obviously, those who create content give A LOT of our content away for free. We do it because we love our work. We want people to see our passion. Many of us are creating relationships for future customers. Some of us want to bring more awareness about our brands, skills, talents, and voices to leverage potential opportunities. And we are all navigating this process in a variety of ways. Many of us are making up the rules as we go. Some of us are relying on other Creators who are more "experienced" than us. And this experience may be a year or if we're lucky a handful of years because this space on social media is still so new.

Because the space is so new, one thing that has been troubling is just how few people I can trust. As someone who is still relatively new to LinkedIn, I was always under the impression that this platform was for serious business networking, jobs and opportunities. It's actually one of the reasons why I was so intimidated to start posting on LinkedIn. My playground had been Twitter and mainly Instagram.

I would scroll for hours looking at makeup tutorials and cute shoes, much to my husband's chagrin. I would be swaddled in a blanket laying in bed for hours watching videos on how to properly contour my face with a beauty blender. It's actually quite fascinating and relaxing to watch if you're ever looking for something soothing.

"Instagram again?" he would ask, clearly irritated. "Mmmhhmm." I would respond, barely glancing up from my screen.

"What's your passion?" he asked me one day a few years ago. "My passion is watching videos on Instagram," I responded, promptly returned to a funny meme, and giggled loudly to emphasize my point. That sent him out of the room in a huff. ???? Good riddance! I need to concentrate on my memes! ??

So when it came to LinkedIn, I was definitely scared to post or engage. It seemed so SERIOUS! But as my presence on the platform grew, I started to see some troubling phenomena that I hadn't seen on other social media platforms. First, there was the "Respectability Police," who never failed to remind me in both comments and DM's that my content and my presence didn't "belong" here. I was told that this "wasn't Facebook" and that I needed to "take my message back there." Strangely enough, I'd never received any of this type of harassment on those "distasteful" platforms that these Patron Saints and Upholders of LinkedIn Professionalism Standards perpetrated on me. How peculiar! ??

Then the lack of professionalism from these same members was pretty.... shall we say.... contradictory. And, dare I say it was quite.... hypocritical? Trolling and abusive language both in comments and DMs aside, there was the Elon Musk Spam Brigade on every post with more than a handful of comments. There were the one word messages of "hi" and "you luk vry pretty. Married r u?" in the DMs that came from all over the world. I even had someone solicit me to help him find a wife. That's DEFINITELY not what I had in mind for a side hustle when I was considering how to monetize my presence on LinkedIn! ?????? And, that was NOT what I expected because I'd NEVER seen that anywhere else, not even during my heydays on MySpace and BlackPlanet!

As my following grew to nearly 100,000, there was another landmine to navigate, the dozens of daily DMs from people who wanted to run an idea by me, or who had an opportunity for me, or who wanted to collaborate with me, or wanted me to do a panel or podcast or a speaking engagement. They all wanted to jump on Zoom Coffee chats. ?? ?

And these daily assaults on my good nature came so often that I began to label my misguided blur of days liberally seasoned with misappropriated good faith and goodwill. ????♀? There was "Make Me Mad Mondays," "Trickster Tuesdays," "Waste My Time Wednesdays," "Too Dumb to be Real Thursdays" and "F*ck My Life Fridays!" It got so bad, that I NEVER do Zoom Coffee Chats anymore. So if you've DM'ed me to try to set one up, I saw your message. I know it stayed on "read." I didn't respond. It's not you. It's me! I'm sorry!! ????♀?

It wouldn't be so bad if you could actually discern the real beneficial and FINANCIAL opportunities from the scam artists and timewasters. I feel bad that sometimes people seem genuine, but I just don't have time to respond to messages that inundate my inbox. And I've been taken around the Mulberry Bush so many times, there probably will be opportunities I miss out on. But, I just don't have the time to decipher it all. I'm just one person, ya know?

Lately, there's a lot of people who reach out to me for "help" or a perspective or to share a post on the Ukraine or on some other International cause or domestic tragedy. The DM starts out sounding polite, complimentary and normal. "Hi, Liz. I've been following your content for a while. I love everything you post. Keep up the good work!"

Ok... Thanks! ?? I appreciate you too! ????

It then descends into a dumpster fire of entitlement and narcissism. "You have such a large platform. Do you think you can share this post about left-handed puppies that need to be showcased on social media, so they can be adopted from my local shelter?" ??

Or even worse, "You have 100,000 followers. You're so awesome. Can you give me some quick tips on how to get as many followers as you did. I'm really struggling." *sigh... delete... scroll through another dozen reckless DMs*

During 2020, I would be bombarded by what we in social justice call "trauma porn." I would be asked for my opinion or my advice on a graphic shooting of a Black or brown body. Ok... I'm sorry. I don't have any advice right now. I'm crying and my heart is racing a mile a minute from being exposed to the graphic violence when I just clicked on your DM. *sigh*

Many people suggest sending these type of inquiries to a page for paid consultations. I do have that on my website. But the reality is that I don't want to consult or give advice about the majority of these questions. I don't even want to send you to a discovery call page or for a paid consultation to waste more time. Because the truth of the matter is that there are a limited amount of hours in the day. I only have a limited window to work on the things I care about. And one of those things is the consistent income I need to be a Creator fulltime, while still having the ability to make money to take care of my household, family and responsibilities. Most Creators are trying to make "Quit Your Job" money!

There I said it! Are you mad at me now? I don't do this just because I'm the female version of Black Panther. I don't live in Wakanda. I have no Vibranium. You know what I do have? I have BILLS-anium! And that sh*t is VERY powerful when it comes due. It will break down your whole world when they come knocking on the door looking for their money! I just wish that people on a social networking platform primarily for BUSINESS understood that Creators are BUSINESS people too. We're not here doing this for ?? and ??????

I've even dealt with people criticizing me for partnering with brands or doing work relating to sponsorships. I've seen some Creators actually criticizing those of us who do. Spare me the false pride in the fact that you don't do brand partnerships. But yet you're hawking your $1,000 courses on how to be a six-figure Creator. I don't choose to teach people how to get over 100,000 followers in a year because I'm not interested in doing that, OK? ????♀?

I wish people would respect the idea that many of us want to change the world as well as change the lives or our families and loved ones. It's BOTH-AND not EITHER-OR. And as a Black woman, this is even more triggering for me. I've had to validate my worth in literally every space I've inhabited. This week in more than one meeting, I've had to remind TWO different white male colleagues of my credentials, background and experience. THIS WEEK this happened. It's only Tuesday, y'all!! ????♀?

I have to provide receipts to remind people in my field of expertise that my voice needs to be heard. And it may come as a surprise to people who constantly ask me on this platform to validate my expertise, but I'm actually a veteran of the higher education field with more than a decade of experience as a college professor. I have taught in the online learning space at a variety of community colleges and career colleges, as well as face-to-face in the classroom for more than a decade.

And despite what more than one detractor on this platform pointed out, I haven't taught at a traditional or "Ivy League" University, not because I don't have the ability or skills. I just don't have the desire to pursue a doctorate or to chase the tenure track. That's great for some people, it's just not for me. I fell into serving those students who have historically been excluded and fell in love with that area in higher education. I always wanted to help students that didn't have a voice. I guess I've always wanted to be a voice for those who didn't have an advocate. I became that inside the classroom, and now my classroom is the world. ??

I shouldn't have to constantly validate the value of my voice on social media, yet here I am. My work speaks for itself, but as a Creator I'm still struggling to translate those receipts into a tangible and consistent return for me and my family. I know it will come. My husband keeps reminding me. I remind myself every day. I get DMs of encouragement daily. And I appreciate the community I've developed. But it's important that the community also appreciates us as Creators. And appreciation is more than words of encouragement and promises of "exposure."

Many of us Creators have full-time jobs in addition to all of the endeavors we pursue on social media. We have families. We have lives. We have our own hopes and dreams that don't revolve around everyone else's needs and certainly don't even revolve around our own passions all of the time. We are PEOPLE. We don't owe you anything.

We don't owe you our time. We don't owe you a response. We don't owe you an explanation. We don't owe you our presence. We don't owe you our loyalty. We don't owe you education. We don't owe you direction. We don't owe you acknowledgement. We don't owe you ANTYHING at all.

In fact, you owe ME! Think about that before the next time you slide in my DMs with an unreasonable request to review your screenplay about Black oppression to get my "take on it" or before you ask me if I'm married. The answer is, yes. I've been happily married for seven years. And before you ask, I don't have the seven-year itch. Any other questions? ??