Week Seven: Learning to dance (again)

The first time that I can remember dancing in public was at a talent competition on a campsite in St Jean de Monts, in the Pays de la Loire region of western France. I danced to Inner Circle's 90s classic 'Sweat (A La La Long)' and Right Said Fred's 'I'm Too Sexy'. I definitely sweated, and it wasn't sexy (and nor should it have been at the age of 10), and I am thankful that neither smartphones or YouTube had been invented. Sadly I didn't win. A few years later I managed to persuade 3 of my friends to dress up as the members of pop band Steps and taught them the dance moves to every single one of their hits. We then performed these non-stop for 6 hours at a Comic Relief fundraising party. We raised a few laughs but that was about it. That was when I probably realized that dancing wasn't necessarily a career I would be pursuing, however, what I had learnt was that it brought me great joy and happiness, lifting my mood, leaving me feeling positive and ready to tackle anything life could throw at me. Perhaps like those who, each year, celebrate Chinese New Year with the performance of a Dragon Dance, scaring away the evil spirits and bad luck for the year ahead. A bit like the moment I handed in my notice in January. I stumbled upon my first Dragon Dance in Asia yesterday during a trip to the beach with the friends I'm currently staying with, in Hong Kong - the final part of my gap month adventure before I return to the UK on Thursday. So I've kept dancing, however, my recent setback which I've shared with you over the last 6 weeks, brought my dancing feet to a standstill. But why? Well, strangely enough, part of my answer has come from Kylie Minogue's latest reincarnation as a country music artist, on her No.1 album 'Golden'.

Dancing (to the death)

Now, if there is one artist I have danced to more than anybody else in my life it's Kylie. Whether that's 'girl next door Kylie' dreaming about becoming lucky, 'hotpants Kylie' spinning around, 'feverish Kylie' who couldn't get you out of her head or live at her Showgirl comeback tour sadly cut short so she could focus on her battle with breast cancer. Many would be fooled by thinking that the lead single, 'Dancing' from her latest album is a simple pop song about hitting the dancefloor. But they'd be wrong. Kylie is, in fact, singing about death, and if you pay close attention to the accompanying music video you will notice the dancers around her are all wearing Day of the Dead costumes...

"When I go out, I wanna go out dancing"

The message, rather macabre at first glance is, in fact, simple and speaks to living our lives to the fullest. Knowing that when 'that day' comes you leave with no regrets. Why is this important and how is it linked to the mindfulness mission I'm so close to completing? Because 'Chapter 7' of Williams and Penman's book poses the question: 'When did you stop dancing?' and asks the reader to focus on how they deal with the life they have in order to keep them 'dancing'. I'd fallen out of practice and desperately needed some new choreography.

Burnout.

"It will never happen to me".

Fatal words that have slipped from my mouth in the past. But it did. It started with sleeping, or rather not. And I love sleeping. I also kept suffering from unexplained illnesses, to the point of ending up in hospital only to be told I was fine. I had become irritable at times, snapping at those that I love the most. always felt tired (largely from pretending I was ok), and in many respects, if I’m honest, had lost a lot of joy from my life. My career, on the other hand, was flying. However, sadly, my career was also what had become the main cause of my burnout. There were others, but it was the only place where I felt truly confident, and comfortable within myself. I took time off. Had some amazing holidays. Recharged. But these only got me so far back up the spiral of exhaustion, before I started to tumble back down. Once I’d accepted that I was feeling ‘the burn’, I resolved that I wasn’t ‘out’. 

Learning to dance again

So, I’ve started to re-prioritise my life. I’ve brought back balance with more activities that nourish, and less that deplete. It was as simple as drawing a table with two columns. I’ve moved from a place where I’m drained and tense, to one where I’m energised and centred. How did I do this? By asking these simple questions of myself:

What do I need for myself right now? How can I ensure I get this?

As a result, I’m more focused on the things that bring me pleasure, creating opportunities for a level of mastery (after all we can’t control everything in life) and continuing to act more mindfully. Tiny actions, climbing the spiral and moving closer back towards that dance floor. I’ve got some new dancing shoes on too.

Care to join me? 

Happy #MindfulMonday :)

Previously - Week Six: Re-surfacing