Week One of my Creator Journey: Conquering My Fear

I conquered my fears this week.

I know this won't be the last time I have to push through them. But in reflecting about small wins in beginning my journey on the ten-week LinkedIn Creator Accelerator Program, this was an amazing first step in validating my belief in myself as a Creator.

People always ask me how I got here, and the truth is I'm really not sure. But I'm glad I'm here. I became a college professor and course designer more than a decade ago. But I'm actually a trained writer, attending University of Florida on a full journalism scholarship. I wrote for my local newspaper during the summers from the age of 15 and was editor of my high school newspaper. But I never stepped foot in a newsroom after college graduation. Why? Because I was afraid.

Of course, I didn't tell anyone that. I told family and friends that I didn't want to be a writer anymore, complained about the long hours and low pay for rookie news reporters. I talked about how disgruntled many of the Black reporters in the newsroom were, sharing their experiences with microagressions and lack of opportunity. All of that was true.

But my truth was that I was afraid to try. I didn't know if I could do it. And as a consummate high achiever, I decided that it would be safer to do something else, anything else, rather than to fail.

Two years ago, the fear of being outspoken and being judged was equally strong when I started posting about racial inequity, social justice, and police brutality on LinkedIn. People in my professional circle in higher education told me not to do it. But the compulsion to use my voice to express myself was more powerful than any misgivings I had about the professional backlash I might face.

As a professor of literature and creative writing, I asked myself what my heroes that I teach students about in the classroom would do. What would Maya Angelou have done? What about Alice Walker or Toni Morrison? What about W.E.B. DuBois? They all used their voices as writers to change the world as we know it. And I knew I had to try to do something. If nothing else, I had to express all of the hurt and pain I was feeling inside because I needed somewhere to put it.

More than 700 posts later, I'm glad that I pushed through my fear. I'm glad that I didn't listen to naysayers and instead listened to my inner voice. I'm glad that I'm a part of the Creator Accelerator Program to give me more support, guidance and structure to develop my voice as a Creator. I've come full circle back to where I wanted to be but was afraid to step foot into, which was my calling as a writer, creator, and artist. It's where I've always wanted to be.

On the first morning of the program this week, I did feel fear. My heart was racing. I felt the same anxiety bubbling to the surface. But instead of shrinking from it, I embraced it and sat down at my laptop because I know fear doesn't own me. I used to always hear the acronym False Evidence Appearing Real and shrug it off as hodge podge. But as I sat down at my laptop to compose my first post and felt an adrenalin rush as my fingers flew across my keyboard, my fears melted away. And I knew that my fear was only in my head because there's nothing to be afraid of.

My fear became courage because I know my power. I believe in my skills. And I'm exactly where I need to be.