This week is National Adoption Week here in the U.K.

I adopted my son 2.5 years ago, just before my 40th birthday however, I always knew that I wanted to adopt at some point.

Being a full time single Dad by choice and holding down a full time job with very little respite/physical support, is really challenging. Thankfully, I have a supportive employer which really does help with balancing things in and outside of work.

I am very lucky, as I feel like I have the best son in the world! Not only is he the most resilient little boy I’ve ever met; he’s loving, emotionally intelligent, kind, confident and comes out with the best one liners ever, just like his Dad.

I’m always happy to share our journey as it’s important from a representation perspective, as well as me wanting to inspire others and provide them with accurate information regarding the adoption process.

There are so many misconceptions surrounding adoption and unfortunately a lack of knowledge can often lead to putting people off adopting all together. One of the most common questions I was asked in the early days was “I didn’t know you could adopt as a single person”, so many single people just haven’t considered adoption because they didn’t think they could.

Being a gay black single Dad via adoption, I often feel like I ALWAYS have to be seen to be giving 110% 24/7, as there are so many things stacked against me according to societal norms and social hierarchy.

Black Dads in general have had a tough ride over the years and the stereotypes are real. We are often seen as inconsistent; fathering many children to various different women, being absent and being emotionally unavailable. I sometimes feel like I’m on a one man mission to change all of the above preconceptions in addition to just being a Dad.

Parenthood in general is challenging, regardless of how many people there are within your nuclear family. Navigating the complexities and the emotional trauma that comes with adoption needs to be approached in a very different way; it generally requires a more therapeutic approach to parenting and lots of patience.

For me and my son, it’s been a really positive experience and I honestly would do it all over again. I always check in with him and speak about his life story as I want him to continue to feel comfortable discussing this and asking me questions along the way, regardless of how difficult it can be in the moment. Normalising conversations around his life experiences is something I have done from day 1 and I can see how this has helped him to really own and understand his story.

I have met some amazing fellow adopters and LBGT parents over the last 2.5 years which has been great for our children as well as for the adults. It can feel really liberating just being able to share an experience or a frustration with someone who just gets it.

Sharing our lived experiences is so helpful as sometimes dealing with what should be a “normal” experience with your child at a school or hospital for example, can often be really triggering as there is still a lot of ignorance unfortunately.

Dealing with inappropriate questions like “so your not his biological father then are you” or does he have a mum at home then” from a Dr (while my son is sat on my knee) comes with a whole different set of challenges and frustrations!

This week I want to celebrate adoptees as the journey can be a constant emotional rollercoaster for them. Although adoption can be a beautiful thing, the long term emotional scars of adoptees can often be overlooked in favour of painting the adopters as saviours. I have never made my son feel like he should be grateful that I adopted him and I never will. People often say "he's so lucky to have you", I always respond with with "No, I'm so lucky to have him" - and I am.

I can’t conclude my article without acknowledging the birth parents in this and more often than not, the loss and guilt that can come with their birth children being adopted, especially the birth mothers.?

It’s a very conflicting emotion to feel empathy and anger for someone who has caused harm to your child however, I understand that we all have our own story and not everyone is able to navigate all the challenges that come their way.

Adoption is very nuanced and affects everyone in different ways.

I’m so grateful every single day for the blessing I’ve received and I’m the proudest Daddy ever.