The week I learnt about FOPO

This is my first LinkedIn post; it comes a couple of weeks after I first heard the term FOPO and have an overwhelming compulsion to share my story. To the uninitiated, as indeed I was until recently, FOPO, as opposed to FOMO, is the fear of other people’s opinions. I heard this term during a presentation by Dr. Mike Gervais from Compete to Create at a work conference and it really resonated. Now, if you think like me, you may initially link the phenomenon of FOPO to the all-consuming and pervasive nature of social media and the fact that we see people's lives through highlight reels or perhaps carefully orchestrated snapshots. FOPO fuels this ‘life editing’, perhaps not for everybody, but it certainly compromises some level of authenticity in the social media that we may consume.

However, my encounter with FOPO doesn’t relate to social media, rather it pertains to a more personal experience. But first let me take a step back to set the scene.  Over the past twelve months, I have invested time learning about a high performance mindset (via Compete to Create). For me, a high performance mindset is about laying it on the edge, being bold in striving to reach my limits and perhaps most importantly, pushing against my own natural responses and embracing the unknown. There are a number of pillars associated with this but the one most pertinent to this conversation is mindfulness, a particular way of focusing on the present moment without judgement. Practicing mindfulness may not be everybody’s cup of tea but it has been a bit of a game-changer for me. As someone who has had to manage and quell an unhelpful perfectionist streak since childhood, mindfulness has helped me to manage my chatty, sometimes critical mind – so in my view, FOPO is the arch-nemesis of mindfulness. 

The week that I became acutely aware of FOPO as a modern day concept, was also a week where I let FOPO get the better of me. Not so bad you may think, it’s just one week in a lifetime, alas, it happened to be a week where I was been recognized for an award I had won and I should have been all-consumed by the incredible experience rather than overwhelmed by FOPO – do they think I’m deserving, should I play it down, do they think I’m a fraud – on and on the internal dialogue went until it started to take over and diminish the joy I should have been experiencing. 

My father always told me growing up when I was nervous or stressed that 'there is nothing to fear but fear itself'. He was, of course, paraphrasing the famous line used in the inaugural address of Franklin D. Roosevelt and I finally realise he was on to something! When we are paralysed or distracted by fear, it is hard to bring the best version of ourselves to a given situation. I am sharing my FOPO story for a number reasons; (i) talking openly about this is a cathartic process and I have decided to forgive myself for letting it happen (ii) this is a really great reminder that we cannot control the thoughts and opinions of others and giving energy to the process is a futile exercise, we should just focus on being the best version of ourselves (iii) and finally, I am committing to really doubling down on mindfulness again this year, the benefits for me have been irrefutable. Mindfulness enables me to be clear-minded and authentic as well as relentlessly focused on driving the best possible outcomes for those I partner with and serve.