Week 24.04 Tell Me Something I Don’t Know

I had the opportunity to take a real vacation last week. It felt really great to know that the team at 100 Coaches Agency is now so strong that I feel comfortable enough to take time off work, not check email, and trust that everything is in good hands. That confidence in the team allowed my thoughts to wander elsewhere. One of the many unexplored avenues I meandered down was thinking about people I am close to and what they were up to. And that led me to think about my cousin, whom I adore. Our families gather for holidays, share occasional lunches, and talk on the phone from time to time. Somehow, despite feeling very close to him, it dawned on me that I was completely unaware of large swaths of his life. I know he loves to play golf, but I don’t really know how he experiences the sport. I know his family loves to travel, but I’m unsure where. I know little about the details of his work, even though I know and understand what he does. And then I thought, if I don’t know that much about my own cousin, what about the people I work with or the people in my communities?

Reflecting on this question further, I’ve realized that I am often good about learning about someone in my first meeting or two. However, after I had formed a narrative about who they were, this became my mental model of them. I generally find that further information reinforces this mental model, and paying attention to information refuting my internal narrative of them is challenging. Even when an initial encounter leads to a deep connection, it is rare that I find the time to continue to understand more about the person's fullness. And, of course, they are constantly growing and changing over time. So, it may be the case that I know people less over time by not asking for more information. Certainly, I knew my cousin well when we were growing up. In the years since, have I really kept up with who he is today?

The problem is that I am not asking for regular updates that peek beneath the surface of what is happening in that moment in time. Perhaps we talk about news, entertainment, our families, or even our parents. But we are not discussing things that would allow me to form a richer, deeper, more holistic view of a person. As I peer into that corner, I realize I am not doing the work of continuing to update my mental models for many of the people I feel close to. And not enough with the people I work with. I am not suggesting that we need a deep dive before every conversation. Still, I am considering that taking a moment to approach someone I know and love with curiosity and seeking to uncover something new and meaningful about them will make the precious time we spend together feel even richer.

In every conversation, we have the choice to take a moment and understand that person a little more. Even a minute of understanding will build a richer and more living picture of the people we work, play, collaborate, and partner with. Asking them to tell you something you don’t know about them opens a window into their world that may bring light into yours. Knowing more about their experiences will provide context for their actions. It helps us update our own mental models and connect more deeply with the person in front of us, not just our perception of who they are. It creates the potential to be a better partner, friend, colleague, or sibling. This commitment to curiosity is contagious, and they may try to get to know you better as well, leading to a deeper relationship.

In life and leadership, our relationships with people are our most valuable assets. Everyone we know has a rich and varied life, full of experiences that we are unaware of, experienced in a way that is unique to them. It is natural for us to want to understand people, and so we craft our mental image. We forget that, like us, they are always evolving, even (or perhaps especially) if we are close to them. It takes consciousness and energy to update our perceptions, but for those who are willing to explore, we are all a deep reef of past experiences, full of colors not yet imagined. We add new stories and experiences daily, some bold and expansive, some quiet and intimate. If we have the curiosity to ask, we can expand our relationships, enrich our lives through the lives of others, and have more resilient relationships. Rather than thinking we know people well, let’s explore the idea that there is so much we don’t know and so much we can learn. To take the time to understand the people I care about, I will ask them, “Tell me something I don’t know,” and thicken my understanding of the world around me.

With love, gratitude, and wonder.

Scott

Positioning Yourself For A Big Promotion by Adrian Gostick

Getting ready for your next big job requires a thoughtful approach. Whether you are seeking to advance in your current firm or looking for a new position elsewhere, there are steps you can take to enhance your professional profile and increase your chances of landing a dream job.

Self-assessment is crucial. Take some time to reflect on the skills, experiences, and accomplishments that you bring to the table. Identify not only your strengths but honestly assess the skill gaps you’ll need to work in the coming months to make the leap. One middle-manager I coached needed to get more comfortable (and human) around senior leaders, another needed to improve her grasp of the language and expectations of Wall Street before she could assume a bigger role. An introspective analysis will not only help you understand your unique value proposition and what sets you apart from other candidates but will give you specific steps to get ready for more responsibility.

Of course, networking plays one of the most important roles in job positioning. To become more effective at meeting people who can help your career, break out of your comfort zone and establish and nurture professional connections. Take a few people out to lunch who are leaders in your industry to gain insights into their career paths. Attend networking events, join industry-specific groups in-person or on social media, and participate in conferences or seminars. Building a robust network not only provides you with valuable insights but also opens you up to unlisted job opportunities.

When You're Chasing A Dream, Don't Forget To Bring In Others (Even When They Disagree) by Whitney Johnson

As we step into an election year, I want to highlight our recent episode with Keith Allred, executive director of the National Institute for Civil Discourse. He reminds us that we must remember the purpose of politics. It's compromising with your neighbors, not conquering an enemy.

That same spirit can creep into our workplaces, too, where every strategic meeting can seem like this strange flexing of intellectual muscles, a display of dominance, instead of figuring out a strategy. Keith sees meeting folks halfway as a virtue, not a weakness. In his position, Keith oversees the organization's efforts – first, in identifying the national issues where most Americans agree on a solution and then creating the policy briefs and grassroots support needed to push the solution through Congress.

Our constraints can end up as flashing signs telling us where to focus our efforts instead. Our accelerants keep us focused on the reasons for jumping on this curve in the first place and remind us to keep our ego to the side.

DOING WHAT YOU LOVE by Ayse (Eye-Shay) Birsel (click and read the post!)

Are you doing what you love?

Designing the life you love?is?also designing the work you love.

A few years ago, my friend John Zapolski sent me a 2006 article by Paul Graham titled How To Do What You Love.

It is an article I go back to when I feel FOMO, envy, imposter syndrome, or __________________ (fill in the blank for me), and I need to refocus on doing what I love.

Look around you. Listen to podcasts. Read biographies. Watch films. How do these people love the work they do? What can you do to be more like them.

And then, become an example yourself.