Week 23.42 Finding Balance Within Imbalance

Local events, like world events, often seem out of our control. When terrible things from around the world catch our attention, we are shocked to realize how fragile life really is and how quickly balance can be disrupted. Even in delicate areas, we develop coping mechanisms and norms that make the situation tenable; and then, unexpected events turn life upside down. At one time or another, we all experience the unexpected death of a loved one, an unforeseen illness, a sudden change in our seemingly predictable lives. But of course, as events near and far remind us, "predictable" is an illusion we can possess only in a given moment, as we never know what the next moment will bring. And when that illusion is broken by world or local events, it is difficult to find our balance, to know how to move forward, to make sense, or simply to take the next step. Our experience and observation of our lives and the lives of others lead to a simple yet tricky approach to managing through difficult times.?

Allow yourself to feel sorrow for what deserves sorrow. Of course, each of us walks our own path, but eventually–after the denial and the anger–we need to find, embrace, and accept the sorrow we feel in these terrible situations. Sorrow is the profound human emotion of loss, grief, and peering into the abyss of despair. It's the acceptance that no matter how much we protect ourselves from life, we are, at our core, vulnerable and always at risk. Risk of losing what is precious to us, of the life and people we love. Feeling sorrow is the admission that we did and still do love, and we deeply feel the pain of loss and separation.

Love what deserves love. Because of the sorrow we feel during times of loss, it is critical that we take the time, accept the offer, and make the space to love and be loved. Loving and being loved by those around us creates the cradle that holds our sorrow. It helps to replenish the emptiness that loss entails. Nothing can replace what we lose, but love can fill the space and help to nourish us back. When someone we love experiences a loss, our love supports them and sustains us. When we experience loss together, our collective love and support helps us take it one day at a time. Allowing ourselves to feel sorrow and loving what deserves to be loved helps us deal with that enormous and intolerable part of life beyond our control. It is the part of living from which we can never insulate or isolate.?

And then we can control what we can control. We can only do what we can do. Small acts of self-care–getting up, getting dressed, having nourishment. Perhaps we can extend our care to others in their need, near or far. We look for opportunities to have agency, impact, and matter in the face of a larger world in which we seem to matter very little. Perhaps the most traumatic effect of loss is the feeling of helplessness... or worse, the recognition that we are so helpless in so much of life. Because the truth is, we are, for the most part, helpless. We can make some minor changes and hold back tides for a moment, but we inevitably understand we are fragile. And yet, within our world, we have control, agency, and choices. And that gives our lives meaning and purpose.

In life and leadership, there will always be large and small events that are out of our control. It is hard work, but work we must do nonetheless to focus on the things we can control while still feeling the feelings we need to feel. The key is to not allow those feelings to overwhelm and immobilize us, to stop us from doing what we can. And when we find ourselves in situations that feel helpless, we need to allow ourselves to feel the sorrow and then love and be loved. Most importantly, control what we can control and do what we can do so that we lift up the people we love and lead, near and far. When we find our world out of control, we need to see ourselves by finding balance within imbalance.

Re-reflecting on Treating Others With Dignity During Hard Times by Whitney Johnson

My heart is heavy, and my mind is pensive. With the conflict raging overseas and the devastation that coexists with war, writing about workplace or personal growth feels hollow when I have so many friends and colleagues suffering. The pain and suffering in Israel and Gaza is undeniable and unfathomable. The conflict is complicated and storied, and this is not the platform, nor am I the person, to explore the intricacies. So, why am I bringing it up? Because what I believe wholeheartedly in is the sanctity and importance of humanity and our role in steadfastly supporting human rights. I believe in the power of dignity.

I have found that when we begin to see people as the “other” and forget their dignity, it might be time for a media diet. The upside of social media, YouTube, and the proliferation of cable television channels is that more voices have a chance to be heard than ever before. The downside is often the best way to get attention—to rise above the noise on all those platforms—is not by appealing to our better nature, but instead, providing a space where bad thoughts get amplified. We can’t control any of the commentary around us, but we can exercise control over what we take in and what we keep out. A media diet, or a more controlled intake, is a practice of one of the Accelerants of Growth: Step Back to Grow. Step back, take a deep breath, and reflect.

How can you see the dignity in others?

How can you bring a sense of humanity to every interaction?

Tips For Discussing The Israel-Gaza Crisis At Work by Adrian Gostick

The current conflict between Israel and Gaza is a deeply sensitive and emotional subject that has stirred concern around the world. Our hearts ache for those people involved, and as compassionate humans we naturally want to share our thoughts and feelings with those around us. Thus, this is an issue that is finding its way into workplace discussions, and that can create an environment that requires careful handling to maintain harmony and respect among coworkers.

First, be proactive as a leader. If anyone in your circle of associates might feel impacted in any way by this event, then reach out. Even if you aren’t sure they are affected, it’s never inappropriate to send a text or make a call to let someone know you are thinking about them and hope they are okay. Always lead with love. Not all conflicts can be resolved in a single conversation. Sometimes, coworkers may hold deeply ingrained beliefs that are difficult to change. In such cases, agree to disagree and recognize that different perspectives exist. The goal is not to convert others but to foster understanding.

On Moral Clarity by Rebecca Zucker

Taking a stand is not only a key leadership competency – it’s the single biggest development area of leaders I’ve worked with who were being coached to ascend directly into a C-suite role. They needed to have a clear opinion – to put a stake in the ground – not to straddle the fence or tip-toe around things. Sure, diplomacy might occasionally come in handy, but their Boards, C-suite colleagues, and employees were counting on them to be direct. To tell it like it is. These leaders needed to possess – and express – a clear point of view on the matter at hand.

As Edmund Burke famously said, “The only thing necessary for evil to triumph in the world is that good men do nothing.” So, my friends, please keep in mind the following in exercising moral courage and taking a stand when it comes to the October 7th terrorist attacks: It’s possible not to know a single thing about the middle east – and still call out what happened on October 7th as pure evil. You can care about Palestinian lives and statehood – and still denounce these terrorist attacks. You can disagree with Israel and its government – and still call out Jew-hatred when you see it and show concern for the Jewish community. My hope is that, in your own way, you will care enough to step up when it counts and exercise moral courage. With gratitude. Rebecca

With love, gratitude, and wonder.

Scott