Week 23.15 On Moving

Two friends who mean a great deal to me are moving this week (or thereabouts), and I have been observing the process with curiosity and empathy. Watching from a distance has allowed me to consider moving and what it entails. I feel very fortunate because I am on the good end of this move; they are coming to my city, not moving away from me. My contribution will be to support the unpacking and entry into a new world and not have to help them pack up and go. And while moving is certainly about packing up and transferring your life to a new place, moving is really about letting go.

Moving entails making hard decisions about what to take with you and what to leave behind. No matter how sparse or frugal, things accumulate and fill every closet, attic, basement, or garage. And the new place is rarely the same size and configuration as the old place, so what worked here might not work there. And the needs of the destination you are heading may be different from the one you are leaving. Some objects are easy to release, while others have sentimental value. Sometimes we love the thing even it if has no place, so we take it anyhow (hello storage!) 

A big part of letting go of things is letting go of the past. Things are just things while sitting in the store, the Amazon warehouse, or the FedEx truck. Once they enter our lives, many take on meaning, a memory of a person, an event, or an experience. They jog our memory and create an attachment that becomes a talisman we are reluctant to let go of. One of the potential gifts of moving is determining which things we want to take and leave behind, but also which aspects of the past we can let go of. By changing our environment, we change our lives. When I was only 9, I recall thinking that a 3 miles move from one house to another was like moving from one planet to another. And it turns out I was right. I went to a new school, made new friends, lived in a different neighborhood, and began a new life in many respects. Moving is a metamorphosis; we let go of our past and enter a new incarnation.

While moving, we try to control as much as possible. We decide what to keep, what to sell, and what to give away. We say goodbye to some friends, promise to stay in touch with others and prepare to welcome new friends. We organize as we squeeze our lives into a U-Haul and drive to our new home, squeezing our expansive world through one opening, ready to expand into the new world. Sometimes I imagine what the settlers who moved across the Rocky Mountains thought when they left their homes to squeeze through the pass to see what was on the other side. We think we know what will happen when we move, but the reality is that for a brief liminal moment, we have let go of the illusion of control during the moment we have been to where we are going. We have an expectation of what will happen and the reality that we never really know. At that moment, life is full of potential, the prospect of the better world you are moving to, the letting go of the previous world you are leaving. 

Moving is a dramatic example of what is happening in life and leadership all the time. The physical move is easy to see, but the daily transitions are much more complicated. Everyone is changing, getting older and wiser, changing their perspectives and desires. The world is also in constant motion; new inventions are altering our lives, and dependable habits are becoming obsolete. As leaders, we understand that change is not simply inevitable but constant. By attaching to a few things, letting go of the past, and understanding that control is an illusion, we can benefit from the potential that the transitional space of moving affords us. It is the space in which we remember what is most valuable to us, are open to exploration, and are light enough to accept change. Through this lens, even a cross-country move from a house in the suburbs to an apartment in the city portends growth and adventure. I know my friends will feel the lightness of transition as they find the expansive world awaits them.

3 Ways Companies Get Customer Experience Wrong by Lisa Nirell (HBR)

Most businesses profess to having a “customer first” philosophy. And many have created their own customer experience (CX) function to fuel higher customer retention, brand reputation, and recurring revenues. But, many companies’ CX strategies have fallen out of sync with post-pandemic customer realities. As a strategic marketing adviser and executive coach for the past three decades, I’ve seen in my day-to-day work and private CMO cohorts that many leaders are deploying the same digital CX strategies that they used in 2019, thereby risking customer defection and dissatisfaction at a time when they can least afford it. The pandemic changed the world and customer expectations, and the most successful companies recognize that their customer experience needs to change in turn. By engaging cross-functional teams in CX discussions and understanding customer values, leaders can ensure that their brand remains relevant for years to come.

Sometimes You Have Etc. Sometimes Etc. Has You. by Dean Miles (Dean is an exceptional and inciteful thinker and I recommend you check out his new newsletter - The Unlocker focused on unlocking exceptional leadership and achieving sustained success.)

In today's ever-evolving world, leadership has become more critical than ever. Leaders must navigate the complexities and uncertainties of managing remote teams, ensuring accountability, making informed decisions, and upholding ethical standards. In this context, a simple yet profound quote by Fatima Alves, "sometimes you have etc. sometimes etc. has you," can provide valuable insights into the delicate balance of power, control, and adaptation required for effective leadership. Her insightful quote reminds us of the delicate balance between control and adaptation. This notion is particularly pertinent to leadership in today's complex and ever-changing world. As leaders face the challenges of managing remote teams, ensuring accountability, making informed decisions, and upholding ethical standards, it is essential to recognize that there will be moments of control and moments where external forces take over. Embracing this ebb and flow, and continually adapting to new circumstances can help leaders navigate these challenges with resilience and poise. Although this concept may seem obvious, it is a powerful reminder for leaders to stay grounded, adaptable, and committed to fostering a culture of responsibility, trust, and ethical decision-making within their teams and organizations.

How to Overcome Your Obsession with Helping Others by Ron Carucci (HBR)

 If you have ever wondered whether your genuine enjoyment of helping others teeters on over-indulgence, there a few things you can to do overcome agency addiction, or avoid it altogether. First, ask yourself a few questions: When you’re not helping others, do you feel anxious or aimless? Do you feel defensive or dismissive when you learn that the people you helped have found another’s advice helpful, or that they didn’t consult you on a problem? Do you often imagine helping others with life-changing advice? Answering yes to a few of the above doesn’t necessarily confirm you over-help, but it could indicate that it is something you should watch out for. Next, commit to being an equal partner, and not a savior. A telling sign of over-helping is when you find yourself doing more to help others than they do for themselves. You can also avoid dependency by measuring improvement. The greatness of a coach can be measured by their ability to help someone grow to a point of no longer needing them.

With love, gratitude and wonder. Scott