Week 22.45 Design The Long Life You Love

I spend as much time in the present as possible. It allows me to be more observant of what is around me, and I find the details of delight that I might otherwise miss. I’m always working on letting go of the past, sometimes using some of my friend Srikumar Rao’s amazing teaching to see it in a way that serves me better. I never really felt that I could predict what would come next, and while I directed myself from time to time, I didn’t think much about designing the future. And from time to time, we are in absolute turmoil in the present, standing at a fork in the road. In one direction is the known, comfortable, and safe path. In the other direction lies change, challenge, growth, and the unknown. At every stage of life, we are confronted with this challenge, and we must redesign our lives to have the long life we love. Ayse Birsel, in her soon-to-be-released book, Design The Long Life You Love, offers design thinking solutions from an investigation she did.?

A critical insight in the book is understanding how we learn to be in a relationship with ourselves. When we are younger, our well-being is about body over mind. As we grow older, our well-being is about mind over body. We are less driven by external motivators and more motivated from within to be our best selves. We practice self-acceptance, gratitude, generosity, being present and appreciating the small stuff. In other words, we get more skilled at creating our conditions for joy. This knowledge from older people who designed their lives can inspire us to practice this kind of well-being at any age.

Another critical insight was how to be in relationships with others. During our long lives, love transforms from selfless love to self-love. Early in our lives, we give our all to our partners and, if we have them, to our children, often without holding much back. Our identities expand to include being a partner, wife, husband, mom, or dad. As we grow older, we accept ourselves more. We learn to have more self-compassion. We still try to do our best, but we are also okay if we don’t—we forgive ourselves more quickly and move on. All those years of living with ourselves help us have the courage to be authentic.

Social connections are the fabric of a good life. Unlike love, friendships are made rather than found. As you’re designing your life, think of a friendship factory where you can manufacture friends. To make friends in this factory, you must build trust, have common interests and values, and spend time together. We can build trust quickly when a dependable friend introduces us to their friends. Common interests and values, like shared projects and having a cause worth fighting for or helping others, help bring us together. Reciprocity accelerates friendships—when we teach or help each other without expecting anything in return. When these things come together, our chances of making new friends are much augmented. Inspired by Ayse, Marshall and I created our own friendship factory - the 100 Coaches Community, and from there, fresh blossoms are forming at the 100 Coaches Agency.

A third insight into how we are in a relationship with the world. When we’re younger, we derive our sense of purpose from well-defined organizations, like schools, offices, homes, or places of worship. Ayse calls this a ready-made purpose. These structures lose their importance, recede, or disappear in later life as we retire or have second careers, become empty nesters, or downsize. Our sense of purpose starts to come from within, which she calls self-made purpose.

As we age, we want the same things we always want love, purpose, well-being, and friendship. If you’re in your twenties and thirties, open this book and your heart to all the things you can learn now, about love, purpose, wellness, and friendship, without waiting to be older. If you’re in your forties and fifties, open this book to design your life and work. Think about what gives you joy, what you want to start now, and what you want to leave as your legacy. And if you’re in your sixties, seventies, eighties, and nineties, open this book to design and redesign your life. You are the life expert, and we are all learning from you. Our life is our biggest project. The book is a guide to living the best long life, and that wisdom can be applied at any age, enabling a long, rich life to begin right after you finish the book. Preorder the book here

The Grapevine and The Network by Sally Helgesen (from the All Rise Newsletter )

The old adage that misery loves company is both true and commonplace, especially at work.?Rules, bosses, competitors, product glitches– all can be pretexts for gossip and complaint. We may even think we are strengthening social bonds by commiserating, showing that we are neither snobbish nor uptight by joining the fray. Healthy networks build durable bridges that serve our goals and make them easier to achieve by providing us with support, honest feedback, fresh perspectives and aha moments. Grapevines by contrast operate by sharing grievance and rumor. They spread like virus, creating uncertainty and driving wedges between people and teams.?So when we’re tempted to indulge in or even listen to gripe sessions, it may be useful to stop and think, am I feeding a grapevine that is doing nothing to move me or my teammates– or my company or my goals– forward? And if so, what positive action could I take instead?

Three Simple Ways to Make Every Day a Perfect Day by Charlene Li

This is what a perfect day really looks like. Let me be clear: There’s nothing wrong with waking up every day with the intention of having a good day, no matter what. The way you approach a day, your mindset, and your attitude have a huge impact on how things unfold — not just for you but for your family, friends, colleagues, and community.? But what happens when things go terribly wrong? When nothing works out or goes according to plan? When you have a horrible, rotten, no good kind of day?? It’s really hard for every day to be perfect when it’s centered on actions and specific outcomes. And that’s why I like to think of the perfect day differently. For me, it’s about living fully in my purpose and values. When I look at things through that lens and place my purpose at the center of everything I do every single day, well, every single day becomes a perfect day. Because I set the intention to focus on my purpose and values, I’m making very strategic choices about what will (and won’t) help me achieve my purpose — and that grounds me in my “why” and reinspires me. Yes, even when obstacles are thrown at me! Click here for find out how to make every day a perfect day

Are You Focused On Execution or Innovation? Or Both? by Whitney Johnson

When I spoke with business strategist Alexander Osterwalder on the Disrupt Yourself podcast , he shared that most businesses are incapable of genuinely innovating around their business model. They are good at incremental innovation, but usually, that means they are improving a dying business model.?Companies that are innovative? Their chief innovation officers—whether in the title or practice—are at the same level as their CEOs (chief execution officers).?But by putting innovation and execution at the same level, these companies are not just building on yesterday and executing today; they are inventing tomorrow. They have past, present, and future perspectives.?The best time to innovate is when you are in the sweet spot—the steep-sided middle of your growth curve—when execution is easiest. You know what you are doing, and you are doing it well—most of the time.?Read Whitney's excellent newsletter, The Disruption Advisor, here

With love, wonder, and gratitude, Scott.