Week 21.05 I Need Approval and It’s OK

What is it about approval that we are so afraid to admit that we seek it, need it, desire it? Receiving approval seems like a fundamental part of our emotional health. As infants, we get approval from our parents as we learn what it means to be a child. As a child, we get approval from adults and other children as we learn what it means to be part of a community. As teens… well, let’s not go there but you see where this is going. For much of our development, approval is how we understand what is right and wrong, what we do well, who we are.

And it doesn’t stop when we become adults and we respond to the approval from the people we work for, seek it from people who hire us and nurture it from our peers. And dating… we let’s not go there, but you know where this is going. We also know, thanks to our good friends Chester Elton and Adrian Gostick and others, that as leaders, giving approval is critical to having a successful and thriving organization. Approval is a way of expressing respect, acceptance, appreciation, and recognition. We all need more of that.

Why then is it so hard for leaders to admit that they need approval, just like everyone else? Perhaps historically, leaders had to be sure, make the right decisions, and stand by them. Even stranger, we make up the “ideal” of the servant leader, who is so humble that they support their team without the need for approval as if somehow approval is for lesser mortals.

Years ago, Marshall pioneered the idea of leaders admitting they needed help in the form of coaching and that it was not a sign of weakness, rather the idea that you want to improve is a sign of strength. Then, working with Alan Mulally, they came up with that it's ok for a leader to not know everything. Now he is probing the idea of leaders admitting that they, like everyone else, have a healthy need for approval. There is also an echo here of Peter Bregman’s work on emotional courage and the strength of the leader who can expose a weakness. Full disclosure: a quick search of "need for approval" indicates that most people think that this is practically a disease. If your actions are motivated by the need for approval, that's a different issue. Like many things, either extreme is undesirable. Accepting the need for approval in moderation may prove liberating.

I know that have a terrible habit of pushing off approval. When given approval, I blush and look down, perhaps smile sheepishly, even deflect the approval to others. I kid myself thinking that I don’t need approval, that a job well done is thanks enough. Sometimes I even think that my own approval is enough and external validation is unnecessary.

Hey, I’m the CEO of 100 Coaches. I am so proud of the work we are doing in supporting the ambitions of the extraordinary members of this organization, building the legacy of Marshall. I need approval and that’s OK. 

Week 7 of 52 weeks of giving: Junior Achievement

Junior Achievement has 105 local JA Areas across the nation, and together we are the nation's largest organization dedicated to giving young people the knowledge and skills they need to own their economic success, plan for their futures, and make smart academic and economic choices. JA's programs—in the core content areas of work readiness, entrepreneurship and financial literacy—ignite the spark in young people to experience and realize the opportunities and realities of work and life in the 21st century. Oh, and Asheesh Advani is the CEO of JA Worldwide https://jausa.ja.org/index

Gratitude from Martin Lindstrom

Hey all your amazing MG100’s.Just wanted to say thank you for your incredible support. I don’t know how to thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me. As you might be aware of The Ministry of Common Sense debuted #2 on the Wall Street Journal best-seller list Friday – an is going strong across the world.Oh – a quick note – a lot of people have asked if I could ‘adopt’ (this is Marshall’s term) you. Please drop a note to Scott or Jacquelyn and we’ll commence a special program for all of you end of February. Once again thanks for being the way you are. Martin

Please enjoy Martin's conversation with Hubert Joly or this one with Peter Bregman. 

All the way from Russia: The Vision Code: How to Create and Execute a Compelling Vision for your Business by Oleg Konovalov

The Vision Code explores the concept of "vision" and leadership. The book reveals the secrets of building and executing a strong vision within any organization. As Oleg Konovalov explains, vision is a key leadership skill that can be developed as a practical business tool for leading a company today and into the future. When a leader taps into the power of "vision," he or she creates a more meaningful business experience and ultimately, a better life. This compelling book offers a guide for making the concept of vision a reality, provides the information needed to develop a clear and persuasive vision. The book includes interviews with Marshall Goldsmith, Martin Lindstrom, Garry Ridge, Mark Thompson, Tom Kolditz, Feyzi Fatehi, Asheesh Advani, and many others https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1119775914/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_taft_p1_i3

Curious about Miami's hot startup market? So was Alisa Cohn!

Check out her lastest article, How To Depopulate Silicon Valley, in Forbes with Miami Mayor Francis Suarez who empowering the country’s hottest startup ecosystem by doing what most politicians don’t: asking how he can help. https://bit.ly/3tjNwWY

Discovering and Developing Core Values with Robert Glazer

Over the past two years, Bob has built a core value discovery curriculum as part of his leadership training at his company and has tested it now on 40+ of his leaders with some great outcomes. It has really worked to help others get clarity on their values and how they can lead authentically. This is a topic he has become passionate about, so he turned the process into a course, which he released this week. https://robertglazer.thinkific.com/courses/core-values

And, as always, thank you, Marshall, for making all of this possible

With love and gratitude

Scott