The Wedding Where Some Kneeled As The Bride Walked Up The Aisle
The bride had dreamed her whole life long about a relationship of love and commitment that would have its start at a wedding where she would commit herself to be married for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. And she and her mom had planned for almost a year for the right church, on the right day, with the right flowers, with all her friends and loved ones’ present. And the cost was equal to buying a new car. But they believed in the institution of marriage and saw value in its commitments and had paid the cost in time and finances to make the wedding really special.
She had attended other weddings where people honored the bride and honored the couple by standing as the bride entered the church row going forward on the arm of her dad to the platform where the commitments of marriage would be made in the presence of witnesses and of God. That honor of standing to honor the bride and the vows both would make was an internal attitude of respect, courtesy, and reverence. In one wedding the pastor had described the honor of a wedding by describing from the Greek culture what it meant. Honor in the Greek culture, the pastor preached, was a culturally constructed evaluation of a person's actions, which determined a person's worth, as in their price, or value to the community. Weddings are worthy of honor, the pastor said, because it stabilizes a culture, and was honored by Jesus’ first miracle as he attended a wedding in Cana and provided wine when they ran out of wine. It also adds to the work ethic as a couple works to sustain a marriage and a family. The endeavor they were now entering was clearly worthy of respect.
The bride’s uncle and several others attending the ceremony had not reaped wonderful consequences of their weddings or their marriages. Some abuse and impoverishment had occurred in their lives because of painful divorces. Their salaries and their families had been torn asunder by a marriage gone bad and capped off with an expensive divorce. So the uncle wanted to be at her wedding but also wished to make a silent statement of some of the pain marriage had brought him. So prior to the modern wedding march, " Canon in D," by Johann Pachelbel, the minister requested the congregation honor the couple by standing as the bride processed to the front. But the horror of horrors the uncle, while everyone else stood in respect, kneeled in front of his pew as a silent protest to the pain of many marriages. He stood out by his actions of kneeling and made his point but not without stares and angry faces at the indignity he had paid to his niece and to the institution of marriage by his kneeling rather than standing to honor their wedding.
Of course, this is just a parable and is not a real situation but reflects some people’s view of what Colin Kaepernick did when he kneeled during the national anthem. In a time normally reserved to standing to honor the flag and the lives of soldiers who gave their lives to maintain the union known as the United States of America, he kneeled instead of giving honor and attention to the flag. And in the case of the fictitious uncle who kneeled at a wedding, he brought attention to his plight as a divorced Dad separated from his kids and his finances but in doing so dishonored his niece and husband. And while those present, on the surface understood what he was doing, on one level, they also resented the attention brought to himself rather than the bride and her groom. Now if Colin Kaepernick had apologized for his disruption to the National anthem yet maintained the principle that the death of his black brothers and sisters was worth the inconvenience to the Football public maybe his appeal would have been understood and even forgiven by whites.
But through black lenses, interpreting his actions, for him to apologize would not honor the lives of the blacks who had died at the hands of policemen. Perhaps for one football season if a half hour TV show following NFL games gave a forum for football players to speak out about the past week as they viewed our country this would give them a voice. This would allow specific debate over substantial issues rather than an unverbalized protest that does not speak clearly to blacks or whites as everyone assigns a value to a symbolic protest that has not been talked about so no one can agree to its meaning. The half-hour could be called “Honoring Our Differences While Acknowledging Race” with both black and white football players offering their perspectives of the past week in our culture.
Many whites are like Mike Ditka when he wrote, “If you don’t respect our country, then you shouldn’t be in this country playing football.” Many blacks won’t budge on their stance of supporting Kaepernick because they are the oppressed class and it seemed like white rich men were trying to silence their voice while policemen killed black people. Many impose a "white lens" or a "colored lens" through which they interpret or view the world. Many whites have not "got it from the black perspective" yet as to what Colin Kaepernick meant by kneeling. Many white people, me included, have at times chosen to reinterpret what he did as a direct slam against patriots, first responders and military folk of all colors. To do that many whites fail to acknowledge that he might have done so not to slam our military or defame our flag but to make a point that blacks seem to be randomly killed more often by police officers than whites.
Now if Colin Kaepernick and President Donald Trump met in the middle acknowledging black or white interpretations of the event have both strengths and weaknesses then neither would have to hard-headedly insist that their view is the only important view. Perhaps Mr. Kaepernick could make peace and find another way to make his point that would be less offensive to whites and other patriots. And perhaps Mr. Trump could make peace and allow for blacks to interpret kneeling from their cultural perspectives while encouraging police to not discriminate or shoot blacks without just cause.
Before I leave this article I am asking both blacks and whites to think through an issue. I would ask black people to reflect on how they would feel at a predominantly black wedding if all the participants rose to their feet to honor a black bride making her vows to a black man and a white man kneeled instead of rising to honor the bride? And I would ask white people to consider what would you do if black policemen were regularly killing white relatives just because they were white and your white friends were refusing to be arrested for crimes they may not have committed?
Patrick K Skinner graduated from Wheaton Grad School with a Masters In Biblical Studies, and graduated from Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary with a Masters of Divinity Degree and writes about 300 Linked-In articles a year mostly related to senior care and his residential care homes for seniors in ranch-style homes in Yorkville, Illinois. He was a pastor in Wesleyan and United Methodist churches for 20 years, a hospice chaplain for 7 years and is completing 7 years managing Kind Hands Senior Care Homes found on the web at www.kindhands.me
His book on character development can be purchased in paperback which allows for greater use by students and disciples of all ages or an ebook at