Webinar wobble to webinar waltz: wandering webi-world wisely.

One of the great advantages of the world wide web, is that we have the potential to be connected to so many good things happening in so many different places of the world. One of the great disadvantages of the world wide web, is that we have the potential to be connected to so many good things happening in so many different parts of the world. 

There is, to be clear, a bewildering, frustrating, intoxicating, amount of choice. What to listen in to, what to avoid. Webinar wonderlands, webinar wastelands. Webiwow, webiyawn. Webitastic, Webinasm; Webitatastrophic, Webi-I’m a professional get me out of here…

To be able to access every great discussion happening in every online corner all around the world – well, who can fail to be amazed and genuinely thankful that it is possible. At the same time, how can we possibly filter all that is available to us, and still manage to complete the day job? For all of us trying to neurotically negotiate this pneumatic drill of new knowledge, here are a few guidelines/decision tree steps to help retain sanity.

1.     Are you contemplating attendance just because of who else might be there? 

• Verdict: Don’t.  You were there with them all last time and not that much has changed.

2.     Are you contemplating attendance solely because of a key recent buzzword in the title?

• Verdict: don’t. Buzzword alert, buzzword alert. Think fishing line, dangling bait, a hook, and flapping around on a dinghy floor trying desperately to jump out.

3.     Is the only thing driving attendance a fear of what you might miss?

• Verdict: don’t.  Remember what happened last time you did this.

4.     Is it totally off the wall, off on a total tangent, nothing to do with the day job, but somehow strangely alluring?

•  Verdict: do. You know you must really. You don’t know why, but this doesn’t really matter.

5.     Is it totally relevant, going to be great, but it is the seventeenth webinar so far this Tuesday?

• Verdict: don’t. You are a human being first and a webinar attendee second. Not a bird, a plane, a superwebinarperson. Pick up the gossip and the download later.

6.     Does it involve new data on something you are working on this week? You’re sure about that?

• Verdict: do. We can forgive a very long list of delivery faults if there is new data.

7.     Does it involve new data on something you worked on ages ago but left dormant in the to do pile on some damp Monday in the middle of 2017?

• Verdict: do. Data my friend is data and can zap to life the most unlikely of past-project Frankensteins.

8.     Are you contemplating attendance because it is a big name or a big company?

• Verdict: read the fine print. Not enough on its own. 

9.     Are you contemplating attendance solely because it is a great excuse not to do the other thing?

• Verdict: do. The other thing is really boring, you need a break, and taking time out will impart a sense of urgency to help get it over and done with later.  

10.  Are you contemplating attendance solely because you were invited and don’t have the heart to say no?

• Verdict: don’t. A beauty of webinars is that you don’t have to say no, to do no. Apologise later where necessary and get on with the day job.

11.  Are you attending totally on the spur of the moment and have no idea why?

• Verdict: do. This is the essence of webinar wonder. Enjoy.

12.  Have you accidentally stumbled into a webinar in your calendar that is totally irrelevant, put there for reasons you have totally forgotten and yet so far it somehow seems quite switched on?

• Verdict: Totally do. And remember to ask some totally naive and possibly quite stupid question of the global expert. Remember with rejoicing that in this one absolutely no-one here knows who you are. As Nina Simone would say, Freedom.

13.  Are you contemplating attendance to ask questions you already know the answer to?

• Verdict: don’t.  You already know the answer. Duh.

14.  Are you contemplating attendance because contacts might lead to a job?

• Verdict: well not saying no, but two words: expectation management – and give yourself a thorough reality check as to whether doing something else might serve the objective better.  If still thinking it useful though, go for it.

15.  Are you contemplating attendance because COVID-19 is a brute and you crave human interaction?

• Verdict: absolutely do. We need people and sometimes what they are talking about just doesn’t matter. Have a webihug.

16.  Are you going to attend because you know the person delivering well?

• Verdict: do. A friendly face is worth gold, whatever the to-do list looks like.

17.  Is the webinar a much-trumpeted event by a major organisation involving thousands of attendees?

• Verdict: if this is the only reason, don’t. If it ticks other items in this list, fair enough, do. 

18.  Is it in a foreign country, with some obscure institute you don’t recognise, with organisers who can’t speak your language well, on a flaky connection, but ostensibly seems to be on a very relevant subject?

• Verdict: absolutely do. If world wide web webinars aren’t about building global relationships what are they about? There may be diamonds in the rough. Dig.

19.  Is it a series of multiple webinars that you will feel obliged to attend every one of?

• Verdict: you have forgotten that when it comes to webinars, there is no “obliged”. Pick just the one or two you really want to see and relax.       

20.     Have there been so many zoom meetings and webinars that you have forgotten what season it is outside?

• Verdict: Stay where you are and try not to dribble on the keyboard or computer so much as to cause a fire hazard. Relatives will likely notice and call for help sooner or later.

21.     Is this webinar a dream and you are sleepwalking to the computer?

• Verdict: It is time to have a little break friend. Far far away.

22.     Are you attending this webinar solely because it is in your outlook calendar and you have forgotten what it is about?

• Verdict: Don’t. Although it is far from a hundred percent certain, trust your brain sufficiently to believe that if it was important you would likely have remembered. If you do mess up and it was a actually a good one in which the unifying theory of the universe was spontaneously discovered online, remember that messing up is allowed, and the alternative of attending everything in your calendar is far, far worse.

23.     Are you attending only because your boss is? Are you sure you’re not?

• Verdict: don’t. Your boss is too busy thinking about lunch and getting off this interminable sequence of webinars and online meetings to worry about whether you are there too.

24.     Is there a leprechaun sitting on your computer terminal and singing to a miniature flying unicorn?

• Verdict: Step away from the webinar-machine friend, move slowly to bed, and have some sleep.

25.     Is this webinar serving you? Or are you serving the webinar?

• That, my friends, is the ultimate webinar question. When the answer to the first stops being a yes, you have permission to go. You owe the webinar nothing. Oh and brilliantly, the thing about webinars, if you care about those kind of things, you can leave without anyone knowing you have. Life is short. Webinars can be oh so long. Don’t endure what you don’t have to. If it ain’t fun, ain’t some info stun, time to run. 

I’m sure there are other decision tree points, and feel free to add your own in the comments. Suffice to say webinars are a feature of our age, and they are great, and think of how many carbon emissions they have saved already. But like oysters, you can have too much of a good thing. And like oysters they can be strangely slippery and leave you not quite satiated. However, every so often, and wait for the obvious clichéd analogy, you might find a pearl. It’s worth enduring a few misses to get those hits.

And with that, may you enjoy happy wading through waves of webinar webphetamines. 

Dave