"Weaponising Mental health, Feelings and Accountability"

I am known in the industry for my ‘radical and outspoken opinion’ when it comes to mental health but in my defence, they are born and founded from my own personal experience of my own mental health. Born from the hundreds of people I have helped with their mental health inside and outside the office. In a personal and professional setting as a mother, a partner, a leader, as a business owner and as a friend.

I don’t believe my thoughts on the topic are radical. My thoughts on the topic, in my opinion, are educated by experience and simply uncomfortable for some.

Perhaps anyone who finds this uncomfortable are in fact the individuals who are aware and are knowingly using their mental health as a weapon. A weapon against their employers, their friends, their family and whom ever else is exposed to their behaviours, actions and abuse when followed with no explanation, no understanding and zero accountability.

The hardest part of being on the receiving end of someone who knowingly behaves and treats people in this way, is how unjust it normally is. It renders people (not me), but people with little ability to protect themselves, exposed and questioning their own love and support. To simply challenge, in doing so, they would be perceived as heartless, callus and cold-blooded when they truly are the exact opposite. There is also a ‘morally wrong’ argument to such scenarios. Even if you are aware that mental health is being used against you as a weapon, should you not do, say or act upon it, because it would discourage individuals who truly are fighting to survive their mental health?

My opinion is that there is simply so much powerful shift in talking. In understanding. In support, free and otherwise. Support in employment. Support everywhere I see that as an employer, mum, friend, daughter and auntie, anyone who knows me, knows that I take the stance "it’s truly okay not to be okay". On the flip side, it is really not okay to weaponise mental health, rather than take accountability.

The United Kingdom have made significant strides in the mental health movement in every conceivable way yet there is not enough education in the market to deal with the mental health card 'being pulled' as the last resort and shield available for simply being a really shitty person.

Yes it is radical and yes it stimulates plenty of emotions but around me specifically, when I experience someone ‘pulling the mental health card’ with me. I am going to verbalise that. I am going to own it and I am going to seek accountability. Not because it’s morally right, not because I have strong underpinned emotions and experience attached to my own mental health journey but, to protect those that are on the receiving end of a shitty person who has detached themselves from accountability. They gaslight and for them it's easier to say ‘I am struggling with my mental health and that's why'.

I want to focus on accountability and an importance of accountability to ensure a movement and understanding on the subject, that’s all. I want to support people who feel victimised by the stigma of “pulling the mental health card” when they are absolutely 100% certain that, this is what is occurring in their life. It’s important to say you are not okay and those who care about you will be supportive, encouraging and loving to get you back to good health and good mental wellbeing.

It's not okay to be a really shitty person, refuse to communicate, refuse to take accountability and when the discussion is opened, slam the door and blame your mental health.

?Trauma, behaviour and mental health have accountability.

We have witnessed fantastic reforms around outdated frameworks of approach in respect in supporting mental health of challenging mental health weaponization and forcing accountability for those genuinely suffering.

Weaponizing mental health is such a sensitive subject because it can open up a void for toxic abuse with no recourse for justice, restorative or otherwise in any justice sought, in any one scenario.

As someone who proudly shows the scars, physical and mentally from my mental illnesses and trauma, I want your network to sit down and really think about the ways in which we must consciously reform weaponisation and accountability.

"I would be lying if I said I knew how but I’m not lying when I say I want to be an advocate of it."

?

“I’m sorry, I did [abusive behaviour] because of my disability/mental health and trauma”

?If you have behaved in such a way where you have caused harm to an individual, a group of people, a business or otherwise. The first step in my opinion is saying sorry. It’s a good step because it established that you have realised that you have caused some sort of harm as a result of your behaviour. If the conversation stops after an apology, without any efforts to manage harmful behaviour or reactions. Then it becomes a free pass to continue abusive behaviours. On this note, this can be done by developing care plans, networks of support of mechanisms that allow an individuals to safety express emotions.

“Your feelings are valid.”

If you have been through mental health processing as I have, you will have heard this said many a time. When talking about mental health weaponisation, it is important that we must often affirm for ourselves and others that our feelings are valid. I have suffered major depression, suicide attempt, anxiety, CPTSD and I am currently being diagnosed with ADHD. I recognise that my suffering, my trauma can give rise to emotions and behaviour that if misdirected, could certainly be experienced as heartless and abusive. It’s not just about accountability within your professional and personal circles but your own personal healing, self-awareness and feeling-management.

“I have {trauma/disability}. So surely, my behaviour cannot be harmful.”

The leveraging of past experienced of trauma or anxiety are sometimes used to stop conversations which are difficult. I have found, where accountability is hard, this type of leveraging can be a tactic for shutting down attempts at communication on the topic. I have learnt in the last 15 years that when I hear this, my personal movement moves towards accountability and that starts the process of understanding and support.

“I hold you accountable for your actions, but you cannot hold me accountable for mine because I am dealing with mental health issues.”

Mental illness and trauma do not discount you from your own personal responsibility for your relationships with others and your treatment of them. What it does mean is that if you have these feelings, you should think about how accountability should be held from within, first and foremost.

?“I don’t know why I did that.”

I personally encourage in this instance to attempt to try and build a accountable, responsible communication line and not ask someone why they did something abusive, but instead, to manage their reactions which are hurtful, harmful or abusive. The build a conversation which allows someone to explore their trauma and emotions is key. This ultimately can lead to accountability on the individual using their mental health as a weapon and gaslighting others with it. It defines intent.

For me personally, when individuals use mental health as a weapon towards me or someone around me, it is so glaringly obvious. It’s literally like their words, actions, behaviour shouts at me “I am not being forced to be accountable and I have a way out by blaming my mental health so you can't touch me!”. Metaphorically speaking of course.

I have found that my process of weeding out these bottom feeders is really simple. I think that most people will be shocked when I tell them my solution to being on the receiving end of individuals like this.

“love and support one another”.

Fortunately for me, this is something that comes very easily. Irrespective of who you are and how I know you, when people show signs of mental illness (or any illness for that matter), I support and love them as if they are an extension of my family and will work with them to find health and happiness.

When I think about it, as I am writing this, the people that I have decided to block out of my life, disengage with and truly abandon, are those that took everything they could from me, used me, abused me and refused to take any accountability when I have just needed them to.

That’s on them, not me.

Irrespective of if you are in underwriting, broking, recruitment, insureTech etc., in my own professional circles, I choose to shine a bright, yet challenging light to bring awareness and discussion to the topic and how people are increasingly weaponising it as a result of the vast and far-reaching awareness campaigns everywhere.

"Where there is so much love, support, understanding and education. There will always be those that use it to abuse and use."

If you ever feel powerless to someone’s gaslighting or if my article as prompted any feeling's you wish to discuss, please feel free to email me. I would be more than happy to support, love and encourage you to either help 'you' or 'them' find their accountability, or help you to close that door on that relationship with zero guilt.

As always, references that I love and adore:

https://www.thecalmzone.net/

https://www.mind.org.uk/

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/

https://www.samaritans.org/

https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/

[email protected]

07767 608246