Weapon of Mass Destruction - Your Emotions and Narcissistic Abuse

The Biggest Weapon a Narcissist has on you if you're the victim is your Emotions. They use this as a weapon against you. They do this by the initial "LOVE BOMB PHASE" - telling you how awesome you are! Basically you feel like you're perfect and can do no wrong. It's like as if you're almost "God Like". At this stage in the "Get to Know you" is where you let down your guard and start to share your experiences about past relationships, work experiences and family life "The Good, Bad and Ugly" with them. This is generally a normal part of forming a new relationship or friendship with someone, because this is how we start to build trust and rapport with people and helps us determine whether we have similar beliefs/values and interests about life. Whether at this stage we continue getting to know each other or part ways and say "Nice to meet you, see ya!"

But for the Narcissist this is a very crucial stage in their Discernment Stage of whether its worth for them to invest their precious time on YOU or not. They are a-tuned to every word you say, every emotion you display and every result (successes and failures) you've had in your life. They make mental notes on how to use all this information (words, thoughts, emotions and actions) as a Weapon for Mass Destruction against you for the future on how they will intimidate and manipulate you into submission.

Narcissists are Chameleons. They will adapt their behaviour, language and oftentimes agree with everything you say about your opinions, beliefs and hurts you've experienced in life to suit the potential victim.

It will feel like for the first time you've actually been seen, heard and acknowledged as a human being.

Then when they know they have you? BOOM! This is where the fun and games start with the Narcissist. If you're in Sales or Business you'll understand this upcoming analogy.

The Narcissist during the "Love Bomb" stage is qualifying their next target. The Narcissist has a "Target Market" an "Avatar" if you will. They determine whether this person is a "Right Fit" "Fit for Purpose" for them or to "walk away" as they will soon realise early on that this person will be too difficult to manipulate. This is where if you're an Empath or have been a "Victim" of Narcissistic Abuse in the past or have had prior "Abuse" of any kind that has diminished your self worth/ self esteem they will be attracted to you. They can sniff you out.

You will be drawn to them because you LOVE the way they make you feel. It becomes an addiction (subconsciously). Like a Drug. This is where I help individuals rebuild their self worth and self confidence if they've taken a beating to their self-worth as a result of a Narcissist in the work place. A Narcissist can be "Hot and Cold" around you. One minute they idolise you and want to sing your praises to the world, because you've achieved something and so it makes them look good to show you off. Then the next, they drop you by devaluing your self worth, especially if they're noticing that your self worth is rising and they feel they are losing control over you. You will subconsciously notice that there is this hot and cold effect happening and you'll start to wonder "what have I done wrong? We were so good at the start and now I can't get that relationship/feeling back". So then you start to work harder to prove your worth to them, to get that "Feeling" back. Sometimes the Narcissist will acknowledge what you've done, but perhaps not as overtly as they had done in the past. So then you keep working harder and HARDER! Till you burn out!

The Narcissist will suck you dry. They are the biggest Impostors around.

Have you ever had a boss that seemed too good to be true? They said all the right words, and their actions were a disconnect? I call this the "Smoke and Mirrors Effect". But these are the bosses that actually get promoted because they know HOW to manage up! Especially if they're superiors are located in another country, as most of them are these days if you're working within an International Company. I've gotten pretty good at detecting Narcissists so it doesn't take me long to sniff them out. I think they know that I know and at times I've had different instances

"Character Assassination" comes to mind.

It use to upset me because I pride myself on my work ethic and integrity, but since becoming a Limited Edition Leader - ie. embracing my true authentic self, I don't care. I don't care because I know who I am and how I work. I demonstrate this through what I say and do. My words reflect my actions. I care about the people I work with. I form long lasting relationships, not one-sided what can you do for me today "Transactional" Approach. I don't care what level of the hierarchy you sit at, at work. If you're values are misaligned with what I believe, then you are not someone I'd waste my precious time on.

My Professional Brand precedes me and that is what matters. At the end of the day, I want people to remember my working relationship with them as

"Yes I know Paula, I loved working with her.....because of how she made me feel..."

Results are a given when providing a service, but how you make someone feel whilst they're working with you and beyond is Priceless! That trumps "Status and Title" any day. Status and Title is an Honour when you're given an opportunity to make a difference in the world. Use it for Serving Others not Yourself.

Limited Edition Leadership is all about solidifying your internal foundations.

So when the external environment is at play, you're not easily thrown around like a leaf in the wind. Too many times those in Leadership are easily swayed by external forces, because as you rise up the ranks you encounter more of these types of individuals or "strong willed emotionally volatile individuals" who will often times feel threatened by what you're radiating out.

They will turn on Limited Edition Leaders if you are one. Because you represent the "X" Factor that they don't have. YOUR X-FACTOR!

They will take you down to inflate themselves within an organisation. Classic Survival of the Fittest. Since the GFC 2008, I've seen this play out even more within my Industry Pharmaceutical.

So being a Limited Edition Leader is more vital than ever to stand up and stand out.

So to round it off, your biggest weapon against these individuals is your internal "Thoughts and Emotions" that determine your decisions and your behaviours in the workplace. Master those two things and you've not only mastered yourself but those around you as well, including those pesky Narcs.

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Paula Dunn - Founder & Director, No Limits Consulting is a Leadership and Culture Strategiest that loves helping Business Leaders Elevate their Execute Presence and enhance their Organisational Culture through her creation of Limited Edition Leaders Philosophy and Signature Programs. If you enjoyed this blog and like to learn more about "toxic behaviours in the workplace" I'd love to connect with you please connect with me on LinkedIn or subscribe to my monthly newsletter through my website www.nolimitsconsulting.com.au.

"All People are Created Equal, but not all Leaders are Limited Editions."