We want to be love but go about it the wrong way

Last week I went out for a meal with one of my male friends who I have known for over 20 years.

It was a moment of I heard this shit before and it began like this;

'Helena, I always do the the same thing, get with a girl on a willy wash basis but, after a while I know it isn't making me feel right, why do I always do this?

He then continued:

'With my second baby mother, it was just a sex thing I even drove her to get a morning after pill, I didn't want a second child, I have needs I am a man'.

At this stage I was like, so it makes it perfectly alright to drive her to get the morning after pill, but not get to know her mental state which clearly her intentions where to trap you!

Seriously now, at the age of 51 you think a man or a woman would grow wiser right?

Unfortunately, this is not the case for both sexes and the dating scene nowadays is becoming a joke that is designed to dent your ego and confidence in one go, all at the same time killing true communication.

I will explain.

I will give you 2 examples; Tinder where you can swipe someone you don't fancy and move onto another person, all through viewing their outside appearance and excluding that their inner self could be a total twat.

Bumblebee were allegedly a woman has the control and at the same time dents a mans ego if she is not feeling him by taking control.

Sure, dating apps can turn into a lasting relationship for some people; but again its like a gamble to win the lottery.

And I often get asked why the hell todays relationships don't last.

What happened to good old courting, you go out and meet someone, go on dates and if it was meant to be it will be.

Are you surprised that communication has hit an all time low in relationships?

With Love Island leading the younger generations to think, it is alright if it don't work out, just go onto the next woman or man.

I am actually nodding my head, and yes I have tried dating app a very long time ago.

My verdict, considering he brought out a piece of paper with questions to ask me, it was a no from me, and from that day on I will never consider a dating app again, so before you ask me I have been there.

It really is a sad affair for those who are really looking for love in this lost world. They want it so bad that when they do meet someone, they reek of desperation and without knowing it get sucked in.

Without knowing it, they have encountered a narcissist, scam artist or simply turned into a Stepford wife.

See, this is the thing most of us miss when we are focussing on finding love, we actually lose ourselves and our true needs.

Let me explain further!

What a lot of us fail to realise is this; when we are single, we long for what we don't have instead, of working with what we do have.

Being single is a time to get to know yourself better and feed your soul its true needs.

It is a time to value ourselves, seek our own validation and being in tune with doing the things we love doing the most.

When we begin to add this mindset, we become more aware of signs, situations in the past to not repeat in the present.

I will give you an example; if you are the type of person who always goes for the same type of looks and personality traits as a previous partner that didn't work out.

You simply have not learned anything from that previous relationship and have gone for similarities as a way to comfort your delusional needs based on the fact you have not got over them.

On the other hand, if you focus on yourself and your needs, you become more mindful with your actions and when you do meet someone, you more likely to spot the waste of time sign with them.

Self love is not a selfish characteristic to have, it 's about the value you have for yourself and an understanding that it is your duty to love yourself and do the things you like doing.

If you are the kinda of person who can count more failed relationships to ones that have been great, don't you think it is about time you do yourself a favour and work on you first!

Here is a list below of the duties you have to yourself, that you should be prioritising

• Looking after your body by exercising and eating healthy
• Knowing your true needs and what makes you happy and doing it
• Know your worth and understand your value
• Understanding that time is precious therefore, using it more constructively
• Who deserves your time and who doesn't
• Understanding it is your job who you chose to be in your cycle
• Understanding that you have choices and your duty is to take the best suited one for yourself
• Building your emotional muscle and becoming more confident

So if your the kind of person who looks for love, stop fall in love with yourself and the rest will follow.

#fallinlovewithyou #positivevibes #mindsetcoach

Interested in strengthening your emotional muscle, becoming more confident and learning to love yourself?

Contact Helena: [email protected]